Marriage - I don't get this... (attracted, young, attractive, living together)
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Well, it was the path to a wonderful life for my parents, my husband's parents, my husband and I, and many more people that I know. I'm sorry you feel this way - but don't you think that everyone should do what makes them happy? And for some people that IS marriage.
I didn't argue that point. I was talking about the measurable, quantifiable success rate. More often than not, or at a minimum, half of the time it doesn't work out. Those are the real number in spite of any anecdotes that you might offer.
... and there is no measure of the misery this causes people who were led down the garden path. How many lives have been ruined? How about people like me who wasted a good part of their life on a fantasy sold by relgious nuts and fairy tales.
I was talking about the measurable, quantifiable success rate. More often than not, or at a minimum, half of the time it doesn't work out. Those are the real number in spite of any anecdotes that you might offer.
I think you would also have to come up with a measurable, quantifiable success rate for single people and compare the two. Of course, when you're talking about your own situation, generalizations are irrelevant. My happiness as a married person is irrelevant to your happiness with your companion and vice versa. But it would be interesting to find out, for example, that marriage has a 50% "success" rate but single life has 20%.
I find this to be a CD-R issue, and not a real life issue. Most of the people I know in the real world are not so bitter and jaded against marriage as a lot of the posters are here
I didn't argue that point. I was talking about the measurable, quantifiable success rate. More often than not, or at a minimum, half of the time it doesn't work out. Those are the real number in spite of any anecdotes that you might offer.
... and there is no measure of the misery this causes people who were led down the garden path. How many lives have been ruined? How about people like me who wasted a good part of their life on a fantasy sold by relgious nuts and fairy tales.
Well, then you need to back up a page and look at the real numbers and not the fake ones you're bandying about.
I didn't argue that point. I was talking about the measurable, quantifiable success rate. More often than not, or at a minimum, half of the time it doesn't work out. Those are the real number in spite of any anecdotes that you might offer.
... and there is no measure of the misery this causes people who were led down the garden path. How many lives have been ruined? How about people like me who wasted a good part of their life on a fantasy sold by relgious nuts and fairy tales.
As Checkered said in a previous post, the circumstances play too large a part in the success of the marriage. Sure, you can say that you only have a 50% chance of a successful marriage, but that's making the blatantly wrong assumption that every marriage is created equally. Nothing could be further from the truth.
A couple who gets married because she's 8 months pregnant has a much worse chance than a couple who waited until they were both ready. A couple who struggles through financial ruin has a much worse chance than a couple who rarely needs to worry about money. That 50% stat is essentially meaningless. It's like saying the 36% obesity rate means each and every person has a 36% chance at being obese. Doesn't make any sense.
I find this to be a CD-R issue, and not a real life issue. Most of the people I know in the real world are not so bitter and jaded against marriage as a lot of the posters are here
That's why I asked the question. I don't encounter this in real life. I have friends who have no interest in getting married - but they don't belittle those who do or hate marriage altogether.
Marriage is cruel and unnatural. It's so risky to commit yourself forever to that person when people change and you don't even know what will happen 10 years from now. What really shocks me is the fact that people actually need that piece of paper to validate their relationship.
I always say this though: most men don't propose/marry willingly. They are bribed, blackmailed, or shamed into doing it because they think either it's what everyone else is doing or they want to feel mature. I know a lot of men who were actually drunk when they proposed and then regretted it. Men these days have been brainwashed into thinking that you' can't be free and happy forever, so you have to sign the contract and get married eventually. But you don't have to choose that life.
You guys are missing a major component of this debate. It is a fact, that it isnt the married people who have to deal with social pressures and judgments of others due to making a choice of getting married. It is the single, childless people who are constantly questioned and pushed to find a husband and wife and start a family. A divorced man, is a better choice for most women than a single man, because he has already shown he isnt affraid of commitment. Your preants, grandparents and friends, try to constantly push you to take the "next step". I am glad that married people on CDR are at tmes on the receiving end, because now they can see what it feels like to be judge and pressured.
As for marriage success rate, I dont think its much of a debate, really. ROughly half the marriages fail within a 2 year period, and I would guesstimate that half of the ones that remain, the husband and wife stick around due to children or financial reasons. That would put a rpobability of a hppy marriage at around a 25%, which is entirely not worth it. Glad society at large is catching on, and for men, it is nothing but a losing proposition.
Marriage is cruel and unnatural. It's so risky to commit yourself forever to that person when people change and you don't even know what will happen 10 years from now. What really shocks me is the fact that people actually need that piece of paper to validate their relationship.
I always say this though: most men don't propose/marry willingly. They are bribed, blackmailed, or shamed into doing it because they think either it's what everyone else is doing or they want to feel mature. Men these days have been brainwashed into thinking that you' can't be free and happy forever, so you have to sign the contract and get married eventually. But you don't have to choose that life.
And what made you come to these conclusions? I don't know anyone in real life who holds these views - so I'm curious as to what it was that caused you to have such a negative view on marriage and other people's marriages? Surely you don't believe that every married man was forced into getting married - do you?
You guys are missing a major component of this debate. It is a fact, that it isnt the married people who have to deal with social pressures and judgments of others due to making a choice of getting married. It is the single, childless people who are constantly questioned and pushed to find a husband and wife and start a family. A divorced man, is a better choice for most women than a single man, because he has already shown he isnt affraid of commitment. Your preants, grandparents and friends, try to constantly push you to take the "next step". I am glad that married people on CDR are at tmes on the receiving end, because now they can see what it feels like to be judge and pressured.
As for marriage success rate, I dont think its much of a debate, really. ROughly half the marriages fail within a 2 year period, and I would guesstimate that half of the ones that remain, the husband and wife stick around due to children or financial reasons. That would put a rpobability of a hppy marriage at around a 25%, which is entirely not worth it. Glad society at large is catching on, and for men, it is nothing but a losing proposition.
And what is it that caused you to have these negative views of marriage? Like I said before - I can understand feeling that it is not the right path for you - but it's hard for me to understand thinking so negatively of other people's choices - even those that are happy.
I don't look down on anyone for choosing not to get married. And in my real life, I never encounter such bitterness and hostility as the people express here. I'm just trying to understand what would cause this - especially in people who aren't married or divorced.
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