I'm becoming an obsessed control freak. (dating, woman, love, single)
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I'm new here and I don't usually go looking for forums like this, but i have a need to vent and in need of advice so here's my story.
I started dating my neighbor not a long ago. But we've been messing around since summer. I had a bf who was locked up and he had a girl. At the end we decided to be together and become a couple.We're interracial couple he's 22 years older than me. I can say We've been through so much. For the last few weeks he's been accusing me of cheating, asking me not to talk to certain ppl, questioning every single thing. at first I liked it, i thought it's him caring and showing love. but later it became so annoying that i started thinking that he's cheating himself and just trying to accise me so he can feel better. so that thought just got stuck in my mind and now I'm starting doing the same thing he's doing and it's so not helping our relationship. We've talked about this many times but nothing is changing. yesterday we had an argument, and i stopped txting him. so last night i saw him leave at 1 am in his car. so i txted him saying have fun and don't talk to me again. he didn' respond so i called him and he said he's at his brothers to pick up his mail. it sounded so shady like who picks up his mail at 1 a.m. and he started yelling saying that I'm control freak and that he shouldn't be telling me about every move he makes and he hang up. so i wrote him the next evening apologizing and he still hasn't answered. is our relationship doomed? Am I being a control freak? what should I do txt him again call him? or just give him space?
If you look at how a lot of relationships turn abusive, you'll find a striking resemblance to your own story. If you choose to stay with this man, for your own well-being, be careful. Abuse often starts with accusations and demands born of jealousy that you break contact with someone else that you know. This could be considered an effort to isolate you, a common tactic of an abusive partner. Don't respond in like manner, because you are just giving him ammo and he is going to up the ante on you. Tread lightly. I don't know you or him, just what I gathered from a short story on a forum, but from that little story I would advise that you consider distancing yourself from him.
Your relationship is doomed, you are not a control freak (he is) and do not call or text him again.
The age difference sticks out at me. I will get some grief for saying this, but older guys can be the most jealous and controling. Why does he need to be with a woman 22 years his junior, I wonder. He needs someone young and naive to push around--don't be that girl.
OP, I should add that the very fact that you are beginning to blame (or at a minimum, question) yourself as being the source of the problem is another early warning sign of an abusive partner. They treat you like crap and then manage to find a way to convince you that it is your fault. I encourage you to carefully evaluate where you are in this relationship and consider the potential for abuse, and what that means to your own health and safety.
I'm new here and I don't usually go looking for forums like this, but i have a need to vent and in need of advice so here's my story.
I started dating my neighbor not a long ago. But we've been messing around since summer. I had a bf who was locked up and he had a girl. At the end we decided to be together and become a couple.We're interracial couple he's 22 years older than me. I can say We've been through so much. For the last few weeks he's been accusing me of cheating, asking me not to talk to certain ppl, questioning every single thing. at first I liked it, i thought it's him caring and showing love. but later it became so annoying that i started thinking that he's cheating himself and just trying to accise me so he can feel better. so that thought just got stuck in my mind and now I'm starting doing the same thing he's doing and it's so not helping our relationship. We've talked about this many times but nothing is changing. yesterday we had an argument, and i stopped txting him. so last night i saw him leave at 1 am in his car. so i txted him saying have fun and don't talk to me again. he didn' respond so i called him and he said he's at his brothers to pick up his mail. it sounded so shady like who picks up his mail at 1 a.m. and he started yelling saying that I'm control freak and that he shouldn't be telling me about every move he makes and he hang up. so i wrote him the next evening apologizing and he still hasn't answered. is our relationship doomed? Am I being a control freak? what should I do txt him again call him? or just give him space?
OP, I should add that the very fact that you are beginning to blame (or at a minimum, question) yourself as being the source of the problem is another early warning sign of an abusive partner. They treat you like crap and then manage to find a way to convince you that it is your fault. I encourage you to carefully evaluate where you are in this relationship and consider the potential for abuse, and what that means to your own health and safety.
I actually thought that this is early stage of abusive relationship. He's been trying to control me and at the same time blame me for every thing and making me believe I'm the I don'tcontrolling one. he'd always try to prove me wrong, like anything i say or do is wrong. I don't know what's keeping me in this relationship... I'm only 20, have my whole life ahead of me. i guess just cuz it took us so long to be together is making me wanna work the problems out but it seems every day gets worse....
Closure's a myth. Walk away and don't worry about it.
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