Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
yeah i think with online dating the window-shopping mentality can be taken to a whole new level. you're constantly reminded of the 20 or 50 other men/women that just might be cuter or more interesting or more sane than the one you're just typing out that message to.
for me the thing that sucks the most right now is that just abt all my buddies here are either married, engaged or really lame, as in, not interested in goin out on the weekends. it was different back in NYC, where my buddies were all single and far more aggressive in pursuing chics. i find myself having to go out alone here, which kinda sucks but it beats staying in every single friday/saturday.
yeah i think with online dating the window-shopping mentality can be taken to a whole new level. you're constantly reminded of the 20 or 50 other men/women that just might be cuter or more interesting or more sane than the one you're just typing out that message to.
for me the thing that sucks the most right now is that just abt all my buddies here are either married, engaged or really lame, as in, not interested in goin out on the weekends. it was different back in NYC, where my buddies were all single and far more aggressive in pursuing chics. i find myself having to go out alone here, which kinda sucks but it beats staying in every single friday/saturday.
It can also make you think that all the attention you are getting means that you can shoot for the moon for what you want in a partner. Everyone has a bit of a laundry list of what they desire in a mate; however, online dating has made those list a bit ridiculous.
Unfortunately I have found that most men my age are either only looking for much younger women (because of the myth I can't have kids but there is no guarantee I can't, they can or a younger woman can), have issues that explain why they are still single (like basement dwellers who are unambitious), or have baggage I can't handle like kids and ex wives.
Sometimes, the fact that they aren't in a relationship and had no hope of ever being in one is why they ended up being basement dwellers. You know the old saying, behind every successful man there is a great woman? I've found that to be true ... when the relationship part of your life is taken care of and you become settled as a person, it also helps you out in your career.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou
I do regret putting that much time into school and a career and there are points I had been like some of the girls I went to school with who were only there to meet a husband.
I used to always tease my friends who were there for their "MRS" degree. One of them married someone number three in his medical school class. So, yeah, it pays to be focused.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou
I am at the point where if things don't work out how I want I'll be alone which would stink but sadly some never meet the one. I blame myself for this completely and wish I had been more serious about it. Then again I may have been miserable in a different situation.
It sounds to me like you weren't ready for it. You still may not be. Everything happens for a reason.
Does anyone else feel that becoming more stable has increased their dating pool or deplenished it?
Its funny you should post this.
I got bored the other day and started watching Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2 on Netflix (yeah I know) and was pretty amazed at how despite how unstable and messed up these girls lives were, they didnt seem to have any problems on the dating front and getting guys to not only fall in love with them but propose in a relatively short time. Granted, these weren't exactly guys I'd go for but I was just taken aback by their options. One girl, Leah, who had twin babies had her choice of 2 guys, as did Amber. Even big fat Gary at one point had his pick of two different girls willing to date him, despite that fact that he was morbidly overweight, had a kid and lived with his baby mama.
I, on the other had spent 3+ years single and could not get a man, no matter how much I put myself out there and I was only a college grad, in grad school, had my own place, a full-time job, a management title, savings, travel and a 25-inch waist and big boobs. Could NOT get a man. No one was seriously interested. It really makes you wonder.
But I think you are doing fine, better than most and I'm sure a smart woman will come along and grab you up. It could be your dating pool or regional area.
I got bored the other day and started watching Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2 on Netflix (yeah I know) and was pretty amazed at how despite how unstable and messed up these girls lives were, they didnt seem to have any problems on the dating front and getting guys to not only fall in love with them but propose in a relatively short time. Granted, these weren't exactly guys I'd go for but I was just taken aback by their options. One girl, Leah, who had twin babies had her choice of 2 guys, as did Amber. Even big fat Gary at one point had his pick of two different girls willing to date him, despite that fact that he was morbidly overweight, had a kid and lived with his baby mama.
I, on the other had spent 3+ years single and could not get a man, no matter how much I put myself out there and I was only a college grad, in grad school, had my own place, a full-time job, a management title, savings, travel and a 25-inch waist and big boobs. Could NOT get a man. No one was seriously interested. It really makes you wonder.
But I think you are doing fine, better than most and I'm sure a smart woman will come along and grab you up. It could be your dating pool or regional area.
I live where a jacked up truck and cowboy boots wins major brownie points with women. I'm a city guy through and through, yet I've been involved in online dating, where the available crowd is more into country men. Most of these country men are white as well, so one other thing that works to my disadvantage. Timing is playing a crucial part as well, because when you get older, you have less time to take relationship risk.....
I live where a jacked up truck and cowboy boots wins major brownie points with women. I'm a city guy through and through, yet I've been involved in online dating, where the available crowd is more into country men. Most of these country men are white as well, so one other thing that works to my disadvantage. Timing is playing a crucial part as well, because when you get older, you have less time to take relationship risk.....
Whereas I may have been perfectly content to be passive and let things unfold on their own when I was younger, I take the "rip the band aid off right away" mentality these days. I might even badger someone (in my own harmless, funny way) to tell me their deep dark secrets early on (to the extent I can). I figure it's better to get things out there in the first few dates than to invest a few months with someone only to have "a bomb" sprung on you then.
Someone was telling me that someone admitted being a cross dresser on the third date. Obviously no date number four. Isn't it better to know your deal breakers up front rather than wasting time with someone?
Whereas I may have been perfectly content to be passive and let things unfold on their own when I was younger, I take the "rip the band aid off right away" mentality these days. I might even badger someone (in my own harmless, funny way) to tell me their deep dark secrets early on (to the extent I can). I figure it's better to get things out there in the first few dates than to invest a few months with someone only to have "a bomb" sprung on you then.
Someone was telling me that someone admitted being a cross dresser on the third date. Obviously no date number four. Isn't it better to know your deal breakers up front rather than wasting time with someone?
Right. When you're content with your own life, you much rather know what you're getting yourself into romantically. It's when you aren't content with your own life that you can skate around issues, because you like the support and "love" from the other person.
The motto I've been living by lately is I like being single, but I don't love it. I love my career and where it has taken me, but I have no love for singledom. I've just reached a point where I feel I've out grown it and I'm ready for a fun relationship.
Sometimes, the fact that they aren't in a relationship and had no hope of ever being in one is why they ended up being basement dwellers. You know the old saying, behind every successful man there is a great woman? I've found that to be true ... when the relationship part of your life is taken care of and you become settled as a person, it also helps you out in your career.
Possibly, but many of them have no idea how to date and it becomes frustrating. Everyone here knows my story and there are many like him who probably never dated much and they become withdrawn. Of course some are that way because they are truly undesirable to many women, like they are 50 and a cook at a fast food restaurant (I came across a few like this).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beacon of Truth
I used to always tease my friends who were there for their "MRS" degree. One of them married someone number three in his medical school class. So, yeah, it pays to be focused.
I think if a woman truly is in college only for this she is doing herself a disservice. Granted it might pay off and she will become a doctor's wife, but what if she marries a guy who ends up unemployed (common now)or becomes successful and dumps her for a trophy wife, or she never meets anyone? bad news all around.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beacon of Truth
It sounds to me like you weren't ready for it. You still may not be. Everything happens for a reason.
Maybe, maybe not. I'm not a big believer all the time in the happens for a reason because sometimes it's just random. The thing that scares me is as I age my chances of having children (biological or adopted)lessens and so does my chances of marrying. Granted, I am at the point where I could live alone the rest of my life if it happens but I don't want it to happen. The thing that terrifies me about all this is years later I could find myself alone and the only men I find are ones I don't want.
Possibly, but many of them have no idea how to date and it becomes frustrating. Everyone here knows my story and there are many like him who probably never dated much and they become withdrawn. Of course some are that way because they are truly undesirable to many women, like they are 50 and a cook at a fast food restaurant (I came across a few like this).
I think if a woman truly is in college only for this she is doing herself a disservice. Granted it might pay off and she will become a doctor's wife, but what if she marries a guy who ends up unemployed (common now)or becomes successful and dumps her for a trophy wife, or she never meets anyone? bad news all around.
Maybe, maybe not. I'm not a big believer all the time in the happens for a reason because sometimes it's just random. The thing that scares me is as I age my chances of having children (biological or adopted)lessens and so does my chances of marrying. Granted, I am at the point where I could live alone the rest of my life if it happens but I don't want it to happen. The thing that terrifies me about all this is years later I could find myself alone and the only men I find are ones I don't want.
That's the deep rooted problem for most people over 30 or beyond 40. It's a fear of mine, just because I've chatted with my single female friends, and they have the same opinion as well. They don't have the time to really date around and not get serious with anyone. They are all ready to date, but are having trouble finding the person they deem dateable. How you date today, is likely not vindictive of how you dated 10 years ago.
Great thing about being stable and comfortable with yourself...you dont need anyone else.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
