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It doesn't matter how "low maintenance" a woman is, or a MAN for that matter...there's still money going out on them, and when you're the only one paying the bills, that adds up. Do you go through a menstruation cycle? $$$ Get your hair cut periodically? $$$ Need shampoo & conditioner/ $$$ Laundry detergent? $$$ Clothes? $$$ Any makeup? $$$ Does she have a car? If so, there's gas, oil, tires, repairs, insurance. $$$ Does she eat? $$$ Drink? $$$ Does she have a phone bill? $$$
Like I said, I don't care how "low maintenance" someone is, the bottom line here is that it costs money to live. There aren't too many relationships, especially NEW ones, that are capable of weathering the kind of financial stress that's going on here right now. I mean, if the OP knows, going into it (and clearly he doesn't), that he's going to be in a mutually beneficial relationship here, that he's going to be solely responsible for financing....and HE'S okay with it, fine.
She's got a crapload of debt, from the sounds of things, which means a whole lot more financial obligations than money to cover them. It also sounds like she's not above being emotionally manipulative either. Even if someone is "squatting", as in not legally obligated or on the lease, it can still be a challenge to get them out of your apartment. Name on the lease or not, she'd be living there and getting her out might only be possible if the OP were evicted. Spare yourself the heartache OP. LOL
Obviously, in this particular situation (if it is indeed the case that her wages are garnished to the point where she can't contribute AT ALL financially, something that's never really been clarified on this thread)...
But my question was actualy in general, not about this specific situation...it was in response to your general statement that "Trust me, women come with plenty of extra expenses buddy." It sounded like you were speaking about women overall, not just THIS woman, when you made that comment.
OMG... that's all fine and dandy/warm and fuzzy, but you DON'T intentionally start out that way. Bad advice! Bad!
I think I gave you too many reps in this thread. Congrats?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cocker_Spaniel_Lover
Do they have Ebay in AUS?
I could teach her how to make $300 a day and never leave the house.
A "keeper" guy can fix her problems.....the guy using her for sex doesn't have a clue.
A "keeper guy" doesn't bring it upon himself to raise another couples adult-child daughter. Nor does a "keeper" put himself in dumb situations like he's looking at.
If OP's future ex-chickfriend was the model soccer mom while he was working 70-hour weeks, I get that. But, she's not and it's not happening long-term from the looks of it...
A guy who didn't have his finances in order and/or lived with mom and dad for no really good reason was considered a bum or a loser. Now, thanks to equality, so is OP's g/f. If he's a "keeper", he's got business to take care of. Thanks for coming!
Obviously, in this particular situation (if it is indeed the case that her wages are garnished to the point where she can't contribute AT ALL financially, something that's never really been clarified on this thread)...
But my question was actualy in general, not about this specific situation...it was in response to your general statement that "Trust me, women come with plenty of extra expenses buddy." It sounded like you were speaking about women overall, not just THIS woman, when you made that comment.
Ahhhh so you took offense to the statement that women come with plenty of extra expenses. I see. I WAS speaking about this woman, but I still stand by the fact that women come with extra expenses. Some women, a WHOLE lot more than others, but when you're dealing with a man, who is not used to having to pay for "girly" things, because he's never actually lived with one, that can be a bit of a teeth grinder. If our OP's original statement is at all accurate, the woman has (maybe) $100 left, after budget, which would be available to help with expenses. In today's world, $100 is gone in an instant.
I don't know, I lived with a man for years and bought my own "girly things." As well as household things. I doubt I'm special or an exception to the rule.
If anything, living together was an money saver, not something that added to expenses...which was a big reason for doing it...we each helped defray costs we'd have otherwise been taking on individually. Probably not going to be the case in the OP's situation, but overall, I don't see the need for the "It's going to cost you MONEY to live with a girl" dig. It might cost you money. It depends on the girl.
OP on the subject of your relationship and the possibility of your girlfriend moving in while nearly penniless. Put this is perspective, would you allow a friend to do this to you?
Now, put this in the context by which you've described your current girlfriend as "A pretty good girlfriend" To me personally that doesn't come close to the kind of relationship that warrants the financial commitment you'd be undertaking if she moved in with you given her present circumstances.
If you were ready to get married and start a life, then you might consider taking on her financial mistakes. But, given that you are just boyfriend/girlfriend...You are not THERE yet.
And, believe me if you take on this kind of support, where she is not paying anything but her involuntarily "garnished" bills, pretty soon it will be you paying those too. Garnishments only last until the bills are paid on the judgement. There is an end in sight.
After that happens, reassess the situation and have a discussion about what she will be contributing financially as a co-habitant. Key word being "Co".
I personally feel that she is in the best place she can be right now. Her parents are helping her. You do not want to change your relationship into parent/child that can kill a good relationship real fast. You'd essentially be taking her on as a responsibility...............errrrr "Roommate"
The way things are she can just be over at your place as often as your relationship allows, but her financial problems are not your personal burden as they would be if she was your responsibility.
And, guilt? Where does guilt even play a role in a relationship involving to adults. You've done nothing wrong, why would you feel any guilt. Don't allow that. Lay a time line down, she gets these financial issues resolved then you both discuss what living together in a mutually supportive relationship and what that entails. Good luck
Last edited by JanND; 03-10-2013 at 08:52 AM..
Reason: edit text
Just tell her living together is a big step that you are not ready for. Once you live together she will then be waiting on the ring which would be the next logical step. If you feel at any point that she is marriage material you should then live together to test out that theory.
I don't know, I lived with a man for years and bought my own "girly things." As well as household things. I doubt I'm special or an exception to the rule.
If anything, living together was an money saver, not something that added to expenses...which was a big reason for doing it...we each helped defray costs we'd have otherwise been taking on individually. Probably not going to be the case in the OP's situation, but overall, I don't see the need for the "It's going to cost you MONEY to live with a girl" dig. It might cost you money. It depends on the girl.
You're certainly entitled to your own opinion. I do stand firm on the fact that, should he choose to become "roommates" with THIS girl, it's going to cost him plenty of money.
You're certainly entitled to your own opinion. I do stand firm on the fact that, should he choose to become "roommates" with THIS girl, it's going to cost him plenty of money.
I totally agree. It probably already is costing him plenty. OP....What are you already financially helping with regarding this girlfriend???
Im in a VERY sticky situation right now. Couple of things to keep in mind:
A. We do really love each other, things have been hairy the last little bit.....not bad but were working through some things, but regardless We do still care about each other alot.
B. She's not a bad girlfriend by any means
C. We've been together almost 9 Months.
Ok Basically I just signed a lease for an apartment months ago, we had talked about moving in together sometime in the future before but I got laid off (along with like 90% of the rest of my company) about 3 months ago, Moved up to a new location with a new great job! New good money! etc... Life is good.
Problem is my girlfriends financial situation....is well......grim. She has poor credit, almost 10k in debt, lives with parents, and her wages are getting garnished.
She wants to live with me and Like I understood she couldn't pay half (rent is about 1200 dollars by the time bills show up). Literally after her budget is gone....she's maybe MAYBE has $100 to contribute. This....kinda scares me and makes me feel uneasy first of all. Especially since I can pay the entire rent + everything by myself.
Secondly, if she was to sign a lease and pay literally nothing....and we got married, she'd technically "own" 50% of the payments I believe made towards it, so I would literally have ZERO say if we broke up...hell it'd be the same if we weren't married.
It just feels "unfair" to me? I mean im paying over 95% in rent and utilities and Im not really wanting to do that + I'd have basically half the apartment "Taken" away from me. Seems like a terrible idea, especially when I value my privacy. Also I worked VERY hard to get where I am....and even though it's an apartment (A nice one I might add) I take alot of care and am proud of it.
Also for one I don't think she'd pass as a co-leaser because her credit is TERRIBLE and has repossessions and such on it. If something happened with her financially.....I'd be responsible for it..and the thing is her budget would actually go down, since living with parents = free right now.
Now One option is to make her a Subtenant, this gives me the right to evict her if things get sour.....however MOST landlords will not allow this. So really us both signing the lease will be the likely option....however won't this mean we'd both be in charge of 50% rent?
Another option is her just staying here while not on the lease, which I know is NOT a good idea as I can be evicted.
I really don't see any other options until she is financially stable.....I don't want to get evicted so Im going to talk to the landlord tomorrow. (Like whats ok as far as her "staying over" and such).
One time I found myself in a very similar situation. Except I was on unemployment while he wasn't. He had roommates which I found repulsive. I never told him that. Aaand I was definitely not in love. Day by stinking day he wormed into my place, while I should have been the one worming into his place for financial reasons. I speak from experience when I say that the "little things" add up.
Like when you're not at home, but the other person is? The thermostat would normally be at 60 because you're not home. But because they are there, the thermostat stays at 70.
Shampoo. I'm a girl, so I use the "good stuff". Turns out, he liked the "good stuff" too, but he never used it before me and felt it was beneath him to be so shallow as to care about what shampoo he used. So he wouldn't buy it. But boy oh boy, he sure used mine up like it was White Rain. Same with the rest of my toiletries.
Laundry. As a male with a bunch of roommates, he could wear socks 5 times and who knows how many times he wore a shirt. Turns out, he actually liked the smell of clean sheets and fresh socks. Dirty rot ruined one set of my high thread count sheets the first time he spent the night with his dirty clothes and greasy hair.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not saying your girl is gross.
Hahaha...
I'm just saying, it all adds up.
Truly.
Currently, Mommy and Daddy are paying everything for her. So in her mind, it's nothing to switch from one teet to another because she's never been made to account for her income and expenditures.
That's not her fault.
Her parents should have made her start buying her own toiletries with her first job, just so she could now understand that it indeed "all adds up". There is nothing more painful to a teen to work for minimum wage and have to spend that first check on "crap" like shampoo.
But it's a very important lesson I think.
So I'm with the majority. I don't think you should allow her to sponge off of you unless she's willing to sit down and budget her share of the expenses. The debt thing... not a deal breaker so long as she's willing to budget. Everyone makes a mistake. But it sounds like she has the potential to continue to make bad financial decisions unless she's made aware and held accountable.
It is obvious to me you do not see yourself with her in the long term.
So, I suggest cutting her loose at this point. You would be doing her a favor. And also freeing yourself to find someone more suitable for a long term partner.
Right now, she is good enough to sleep with, but not live with. Sounds like she is just a convenience.
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