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Woman up and have "the talk" with guy A next time you see him to find out where things stand between you two. If he acts obtuse during the talk HINT to him that that means you two are not committed and can see other people. Wait a day or two and see if he says anything else about it ( guys need time to process and plan). If he says nothing start seeing guy B.
Although I myself gave my opinion earlier on this thread, I have to say that I don't think it's a good idea to make personal decisions based on the opinions of strangers on an internet forum. Their opinions (including my own) are no more valid than yours--in fact, they're less valid because the people giving them are not actually living the experience that you are. You have to decide for yourself what to do. If there was a City Data forum 50 years ago, and someone asked if it was okay to marry someone of a different race, nearly every poster would have said no. You can't go by what other people say.
Sorry if this topic has been already been done to death... I searched for old threads on this topic (and I’m sure many exist) but couldn’t find anything specific to my situation, so I’ll just start a new one... I’ve been seeing someone since around Christmas time. I’ve posted previous topics about some of my concerns dating him. I’ll call him “Guy A” for the purpose of this thread...
Our last couple of dates, I’ve started to notice an “improvement” with us. The last time we went out, he introduced me to his friends. However, that was a week and a half ago, and I haven’t really talked to him since, because he’s on yet another of his ski trips with his “boys” this past week. I’m not sure what he wants from me, and I’m just not ready to confront him about it yet...
Plus, this past weekend, another potential dating opportunity presented itself to me...
So, there’s a big Irish bar district in my neighborhood, and every year my community sponsors a Saint Patrick’s Day parade through the district. Each year, my girlfriend who lives in the middle of the district throws a big party at her condo, followed by a bar crawl.
As I’ve said in previous threads, around this time last year, I ended a 4-year relationship I’d been in. My ex-boyfriend and I shared a lot of the same friends, many of whom I haven’t talked to since we split up. Our breakup was mostly amicable, and I moved on with my life quickly. Plus, I’ve lost 50+ pounds in the past year, and have been feeling really great about myself. So, this year I was nervous and excited at the same time about going to the party and seeing so many of my old friends.
Anyhow, I went out on Saturday for the party / bar crawl, and had a great time seeing everyone. One guy in particular was an old friend-of-a-friend who I used to see at parties pretty often, and had always found attractive. He knows my ex-boyfriend, but they aren’t particularly good friends. I had written a post about him a long time, but never actually acted on my attraction to him...
When I saw this guy on Saturday, he was super-excited to see me too. He told me I looked beautiful, and almost right away asked me for my phone number so we could hang out sometime. (He said to me, “Wow, the rumors about you are true!” I asked him what the rumors were, and he replied, “You broke up with X, lost a bunch of weight, and got super freaking hot!” ) We hung out together most of the evening, but nothing happened except for some innocent flirting and a quick goodnight smooch. Anyway, I’ll call him “Guy B.”
So, Guy B texted me a couple days later to tell me he’d had a great time on Saturday, and he’d give me a call closer to this weekend so we could make plans to hang out. Guy A is supposed to be coming back from his ski trip today, so I anticipate hearing from him this week as well.
So now, I potentially have two guys to date, and I’m thinking it’d be a good idea to keep my options open, especially since Guy A has been rather obtuse and not exactly forthcoming about what he wants from me, relationship-wise. As for Guy B, he’s more or less an old friend, and I figure it can’t hurt to go out together, and see if there’s any real chemistry...
Here’s my question(s)...
1.) I would keep things friendly/casual with B (read: no sex) at least until I know better what A wants from me. But should I tell B that I’ve been dating someone else? (Adding, of course, that we’re not mutually exclusive and I want to explore my options.) Keep in mind, some of my friends - who are also B’s friends - know that I’m dating A. I’d rather be honest with B and tell him myself, than him learn about A from any of our mutual friends.
2.) As for A, should I tell him that another man is interested in me and I’d like to go out with him? We haven’t discussed having a relationship / mutual exclusivity yet, but ultimately that’s what I’m looking for. Part of me wants to say something to him, just to see if he’ll step up his game... but another part of me is afraid if I tell him, he’ll get pissed off and flat-out dump me.
As far as which guy I’d “prefer” … honestly, my heart is still with Guy A, if only because I’ve been dating him for almost 3 months now, and I’m more emotionally invested. I’m also somewhat more physically attracted to him, and I’ve already slept with him. I don’t want to hurt Guy B though, so I’d like to approach things with him in such a way that if dating doesn’t work out, we can still be on cool/friendly terms in a group setting.
Any advice you all can offer on how to go about dating these two guys at the same time... in a tactful and classy way? Thanks in advance!
Time to look in the mirror...
What's your reaction if/when you learn that the guy you're dating is also dating another woman.....????
I think you need to tell guy A that you need more time and communication with him. Good luck. ( because the ones who don't naturally do that aleasdy dont usually respond well to that request but you can't continue being unhappy)
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I searched for old threads on this topic (and I’m sure many exist) but couldn’t find anything specific to my situation, so I’ll just start a new one... I’ve been seeing someone since around Christmas time. I’ve posted previous topics about some of my concerns dating him. I’ll call him “Guy A” for the purpose of this thread...
) We hung out together most of the evening, but nothing happened except for some innocent flirting and a quick goodnight smooch. Anyway, I’ll call him “Guy B.”
