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I have an overly attached to his parents type boyfriend. We've been living together for 3 years now and his parents, although divorced, BOTH call him everyday and for his father it is a requirement that he calls him every morning before work so he knows he's safe. He's 29. My 29 year old boyfriend has also had some legal problems that he's still paying off, or his father is paying off, rather. He doesn't understand consequences because he's always been bailed out. Therefore he has zero sense of responsibility or consequence. But anyway, yeah, the whole I can't breathe or take a step forward without my parents opinion or say so, is quite frankly... off putting to say the least. You know, a couple times he and I went over to his dad's and his dad kissed my boyfriend on the freaking mouth. And I'm not talking like a peck, although that would still be weird... but do you know that scene in Daddy's home 2 when Will Ferrell kisses his dad at the airport for an uncomfortably long time... yeah. Well it wasn't QUITE that long but uncomfortable... to say the least. He kissed his adult son on the mouth. If my mom tried to kiss me on the mouth I'd scream I think idk it's never happened to me as an adult female age 30. I've come to the conclusion that his problems in his adult life especially when in a romantic relationship is a pure product of the effects of helicopter parenting. He's afraid to make a decision or think on his own because he has been taught to not have to worry about making decisions on his own because everyone else has always just done it for him. I'm beginning to think that he his mentally incapable of decision making. This is hard for me to deal with because I have never been with someone who... ALLOWS this type of behavior... from his parents and because I am not like this nor would I tolerate it in my life I find it hard to deal with and I dont know how much more I can take. Especially because he allows it. From the point of view of an adult female dealing with the damaging effects of overprotective parents in her adult romantic relationship. Hhhh.
He doesn't understand consequences because he's always been bailed out. Therefore he has zero sense of responsibility or consequence.
This is the far bigger problem than his level of attachment to his parents. If this is true, I have to ask: why have you been with him for 3 years? He doesn't exactly sound like quality life-partner material.
So why in heaven's name have you been living with him for 3 years? You are also part of the equation. So while you are judging his relationship with his parents, you like him enough to live with him, so obviously you're cool enough with it. I mean, you've spent 3 years of your 20s being cool with it. If something has changed, then are you planning on moving on? Or are you going to be here complaining in your 30s that you've spent 13 years judging your boyfriend's relationship with his parents?
What do you want from us, OP? Permission to dump him? The whole thing about always being bailed out by daddy, and not having any sense of responsibility for the consequences of his actions should be a deal-breaker, let alone the rest of it. With a guy like that, you could some day find yourself the object of a criminal investigation, simply because you share the same domicile with a guy who was trying to get away with who-knows-what; drug-dealing, burglary, whatever.
Sticking with him for 3 years was not a good choice. You can remedy that today, or this weekend, or as soon as you can find your own space to rent. I don't even know how you've managed to put up with it this long.
I have an overly attached to his parents type boyfriend. We've been living together for 3 years now and his parents, although divorced, BOTH call him everyday and for his father it is a requirement that he calls him every morning before work so he knows he's safe. He's 29. My 29 year old boyfriend has also had some legal problems that he's still paying off, or his father is paying off, rather. He doesn't understand consequences because he's always been bailed out. Therefore he has zero sense of responsibility or consequence. But anyway, yeah, the whole I can't breathe or take a step forward without my parents opinion or say so, is quite frankly... off putting to say the least. You know, a couple times he and I went over to his dad's and his dad kissed my boyfriend on the freaking mouth. And I'm not talking like a peck, although that would still be weird... but do you know that scene in Daddy's home 2 when Will Ferrell kisses his dad at the airport for an uncomfortably long time... yeah. Well it wasn't QUITE that long but uncomfortable... to say the least. He kissed his adult son on the mouth. If my mom tried to kiss me on the mouth I'd scream I think idk it's never happened to me as an adult female age 30. I've come to the conclusion that his problems in his adult life especially when in a romantic relationship is a pure product of the effects of helicopter parenting. He's afraid to make a decision or think on his own because he has been taught to not have to worry about making decisions on his own because everyone else has always just done it for him. I'm beginning to think that he his mentally incapable of decision making. This is hard for me to deal with because I have never been with someone who... ALLOWS this type of behavior... from his parents and because I am not like this nor would I tolerate it in my life I find it hard to deal with and I dont know how much more I can take. Especially because he allows it. From the point of view of an adult female dealing with the damaging effects of overprotective parents in her adult romantic relationship. Hhhh.
Buuutttt...you ARE tolerating it in your life. Through your boyfriend. Why?
I have an overly attached to his parents type boyfriend. We've been living together for 3 years now and his parents, although divorced, BOTH call him everyday and for his father it is a requirement that he calls him every morning before work so he knows he's safe. He's 29. My 29 year old boyfriend has also had some legal problems that he's still paying off, or his father is paying off, rather. He doesn't understand consequences because he's always been bailed out. Therefore he has zero sense of responsibility or consequence. But anyway, yeah, the whole I can't breathe or take a step forward without my parents opinion or say so, is quite frankly... off putting to say the least. You know, a couple times he and I went over to his dad's and his dad kissed my boyfriend on the freaking mouth. And I'm not talking like a peck, although that would still be weird... but do you know that scene in Daddy's home 2 when Will Ferrell kisses his dad at the airport for an uncomfortably long time... yeah. Well it wasn't QUITE that long but uncomfortable... to say the least. He kissed his adult son on the mouth. If my mom tried to kiss me on the mouth I'd scream I think idk it's never happened to me as an adult female age 30. I've come to the conclusion that his problems in his adult life especially when in a romantic relationship is a pure product of the effects of helicopter parenting. He's afraid to make a decision or think on his own because he has been taught to not have to worry about making decisions on his own because everyone else has always just done it for him. I'm beginning to think that he his mentally incapable of decision making. This is hard for me to deal with because I have never been with someone who... ALLOWS this type of behavior... from his parents and because I am not like this nor would I tolerate it in my life I find it hard to deal with and I dont know how much more I can take. Especially because he allows it. From the point of view of an adult female dealing with the damaging effects of overprotective parents in her adult romantic relationship. Hhhh.
Why have you put up with an overgrown 8 year old for so long? Is it because he's attractive, has money, or it's because his parents are wealthy? Any woman with a good head on their shoulders would have dropped that dude at the start.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 9 days ago)
35,635 posts, read 17,975,706 times
Reputation: 50665
It's hard to know what caused what - did overly involved parenting cause him to not make good decisions, or did his inability to make good decisions cause overly involved parenting.
I can see this both ways, and don't necessarily fault the father for forcing his not quite 30 year old son to check in in the morning to make sure he's on the way to work and doing ok.
He's paying off legal bills, for whatever situation that is, I don't know. It's hard to believe he'd still be paying on bills for a misdemeanor caused in his youth. This sounds like a recent criminal activity?
Sometimes, some parents have to hold their kids heads above water FOR them until they finally learn to swim which can take a very long time.
The alternative is unthinkable.
I don't know about the kissing on the mouth thing. That does sound weird.
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