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Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bob-Man
Well, I don’t think tattoos is even the main point of the topic. Violation of a spouse’s wishes, seems to be the deal breaker.
It’s amazing that males are suddenly bad guys when they have standards.
IMO....it would be because the spouse didn't respect the O.P.'s opinion.....about how to look attractive for them. AND...not because it's a "violation".....but because you WANT to look good for your significant other ofc.
Ita it's not about anyone's personal opinion or their "standards"........ edit: cause the O.P. is already married & that's the question....standards were already passed.
Last edited by TashaPosh; 07-28-2020 at 10:17 AM..
IMO....it would be because the spouse didn't respect the O.P.'s opinion.....about how to look attractive for them. AND...not because it's a "violation".....but because you WANT to look good for your significant other ofc.
Nah. People should care about looking good for themselves, not for others. Others being attracted is just a pleasant bonus.
Years ago I used to date this woman who made a living getting naked for magazines. She had neck tattoos. She had hands/fingers tattoos. Her arms had tattoos. She had tattoos on her legs.
And still lots of guys were paying to see her naked, and she could've easily gotten paid a lot more if she was having sex in exchange for money, but why do that when there's thousands of guys paying her to show her body?
Attractive people will always be attractive even if they were covered head to toe with tattoos or piercings, go check David Beckham's shirtless pictures from 2020, and how he was shirtless 20 years ago.
Did he look better when he was tats-free? In my opinion, yeah. Did he lost his looks because tattoos ''take'' away a person's personal beauty?
Nope.
and of course high-quality tattoos are different from what most people can afford.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helw
Nah. People should care about looking good for themselves, not for others. Others being attracted is just a pleasant bonus.
BUT.. if you're married like O.P.......ofc you're going to care & respect the other person's opinon. If you don't care about being attractive to your significant other.........there's something wrong with the relationship IMO.
Well, I don’t think tattoos is even the main point of the topic. Violation of a spouse’s wishes, seems to be the deal breaker.
.
OP said it was up to their spouse to decide.
There was no clear violation.
Most long term married people understand that their spouse isn't going to agree on everything or have the exact same views.... that's part of the union.. acceptance of that. When you marry, its not like you own them or they own you. Drawing a hard line on what many consider a superficial issue on beauty on ones self is simply the other side of the same coin. I just pointed out that one side of that coin garners more criticism than the other... its really the same.
Let's put tattoos aside.. obviously I disagree on a few points there. I want my spouse to be happy. That's more important any other bodily thing she chooses... its her choice.
Again.... discuss it openly with your spouse. Maybe a compromise... in the end its the spouses body and their choice. Drawing a hardline and holding the relationship hostage is usually not a sign of a good relationship.
BUT.. if you're married like O.P.......ofc you're going to care & respect the other person's opinon. If you don't care about being attractive to your significant other.........there's something wrong with the relationship IMO.
That depends on the impact it has on my happiness. If say, I'm married and my wife wants us to move to stay close to her parents , or if she wants her brother to move in with us - I'm getting a divorce.
Now if she wants me to get a tattoo, or she wants to get one?
She's still hot. Ink on skin won't nullify her hotness, like if I lost my hair I would still be hot because she likes my shoulders and my abs, and as long as she's happy with it, she can get herself inked from neck down to her feet if that's what makes her happy.
Whatever a girlfriend or wife of mine does has no serious impact on my happiness, because people are people. They own themselves, and they should do what it is that makes them happy, and if the partner they're with ain't happy with it; they can always end the relationship and find someone new.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,586,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helw
That depends on the impact it has on my happiness. If say, I'm married and my wife wants us to move to stay close to her parents , or if she wants her brother to move in with us - I'm getting a divorce.
Now if she wants me to get a tattoo, or she wants to get one?
She's still hot. Ink on skin won't nullify her hotness, like if I lost my hair I would still be hot because she likes my shoulders and my abs, and as long as she's happy with it, she can get herself inked from neck down to her feet if that's what makes her happy.
Whatever a girlfriend or wife of mine does has no serious impact on my happiness, because people are people. They own themselves, and they should do what it is that makes them happy, and if the partner they're with ain't happy with it; they can always end the relationship and find someone new.
It's having an impact on the O.P tho.....his wife wants a tattoo & he hates them.
Ita ppl own themselves....BUT wanting to stay attractive to your significant other is being mature IMO instead of "I will do what I want". It takes compromise to be in a relationship ofc & if you love somebody you want to stay attractive to them. It's like with weight......both ppl should work on their health & stay healthy for themselves BUT.....it's also to keep the intimacy & stay attractive for the other one.
It's having an impact on the O.P tho.....his wife wants a tattoo & he hates them.
Ita ppl own themselves....BUT wanting to stay attractive to your significant other is being mature IMO instead of "I will do what I want". It takes compromise to be in a relationship ofc & if you love somebody you want to stay attractive to them. It's like with weight......both ppl should work on their health & stay healthy for themselves BUT.....it's also to keep the intimacy & stay attractive for the other one.
Please....let's not talk in "shoulds". You're not QUITE married yet and even if you were, your relationship does not reflect the broad range of relationships people have.
When you have a mature relationship you learn that you don't get to have complete control and your partner doesn't do EVERYTHING just to please you. You're always free to split up if you want over it, but you need to carefully choose your battles. You know, do you want to win the battle and lose the war? So, tell your spouse you'll divorce them if they do "x"...hopefully it's not trivial.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,586,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
Please....let's not talk in "shoulds". You're not QUITE married yet and even if you were, your relationship does not reflect the broad range of relationships people have.
When you have a mature relationship you learn that you don't get to have complete control and your partner doesn't do EVERYTHING just to please you. You're always free to split up if you want over it, but you need to carefully choose your battles. You know, do you want to win the battle and lose the war? So, tell your spouse you'll divorce them if they do "x"...hopefully it's not trivial.
I don't say that my fiance or anybody in a h e a l t h y relationship has complete control. I just said for the O.P. that there should be respect & caring what your partner thinks about something like a tattoo....since the O.P. said he is not attracted to them. If your partner doesn't have respect or care what you think about it.....IMO that's the problem & not really the tattoo.
edit: a mature relationship isn't a battle or a war or "winning" tho......& IMO if that's how it's viewed it's a matter of time before the divorce. Language like "I will divorce you if...." is a man or woman that is trying to have complete control IMO.
Last edited by TashaPosh; 07-29-2020 at 10:26 AM..
Please....let's not talk in "shoulds". You're not QUITE married yet and even if you were, your relationship does not reflect the broad range of relationships people have.
When you have a mature relationship you learn that you don't get to have complete control and your partner doesn't do EVERYTHING just to please you. You're always free to split up if you want over it, but you need to carefully choose your battles. You know, do you want to win the battle and lose the war? So, tell your spouse you'll divorce them if they do "x"...hopefully it's not trivial.
Yeah...I was going to say, when one has been in a long term marriage, one better HOPE that there's more to a happy marriage than being sexy 24/7. Sure, you want to be attractive to your mate, but also realize, mate is going to ask you to clip toenails, or look at a pimple next to his balls. THAT'S part of married life too, and it's decidedly not sexy. But it's part of love, and it's part of "for better or worse".
And amen to the fact that we don't have complete control over each other. That would be a very unhappy lopsided relationship.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,586,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
Yeah...I was going to say, when one has been in a long term marriage, one better HOPE that there's more to a happy marriage than being sexy 24/7.
Nobody is sexy 24/7... It's simple respect tho... for somebody you are supposed to love & not give threats "I will divorce you if.." to try to totally control them. It doesn't have to be a battle IMO.....it's only a tattoo...it's not like one of them cheated ffs.
If you love somebody & you want to keep a h e a l t h y intimacy tho....you want to stay attractive for them. If my fiance didn't like the small script tattoo I got...it wouldn't have been worth it to do it IMO.
edit: relationships are compromise.....& if somebody is threatening divorce over a tattoo......it's time to get a divorce IMO.
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edit: cause the O.P. is already married & that's the question....standards were already passed.
I just said for the O.P. that there should be respect & caring what your partner thinks about something like a tattoo....since the O.P. said he is not attracted to them. If your partner doesn't have respect or care what you think about it.....IMO that's the problem & not really the tattoo.
......& IMO if that's how it's viewed it's a matter of time before the divorce. Language like "I will divorce you if...." is a man or woman that is trying to have complete control IMO.
