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At least for us, we definitely are not on the same page about tattoos. I can't stand them while my S/O loves them. But because she knows how I feel about them, she's compromised and been able to tame her addiction lol. For how long is another question...
Neither my wife or I have any tattoos. I don't like them and think they are ugly and have to assume that in 20 years when the tattoo fad is over many of the young people getting tattoos today will feel really silly when their tattoos look all stretched out and ugly.
I always assumed my wife did not like tattoos either but recently she has been planning on getting a number of large tattoos. I told her what I thought but she says it is her body and she can do what she pleases. But I told her it will hurt our sex life because I find tattoos ugly, especially large ones. She says that is silly and her having tattoos or not should not impact how I see her sexually or value her attractiveness.
Please, lets not have this about the pros and cons of tattoos, there is a million postings about this, but instead, lets answer this question: Should a spouse have a say if their wife or husband gets tattoos?
A conversation should take place but ultimately it is her body and her decision. I saw what you did there with the sex life suffering bit, , don't be that passive aggressive guy...
Nobody is sexy 24/7... It's simple respect tho... for somebody you are supposed to love & not give threats "I will divorce you if.." to try to totally control them. It doesn't have to be a battle IMO.....it's only a tattoo...it's not like one of them cheated ffs.
If you love somebody & you want to keep a h e a l t h y intimacy tho....you want to stay attractive for them. If my fiance didn't like the small script tattoo I got...it wouldn't have been worth it to do it IMO.
edit: relationships are compromise.....& if somebody is threatening divorce over a tattoo......it's time to get a divorce IMO.
Okay....what "beauty routine" is important to you? For example, you get manicures and suddenly are getting 3" long nails because you LOVE them. Or you start getting highlights...because you LOVE them. Your fiance decides he doesn't love them or maybe it's costing him money somehow...whatever. You have to pick whatever it is that you LOVE - get it - or maybe you're sick and tired of getting everything waxed all the time? Do you say "hon - I really respect you, I do, but I like my nails, hair, whatever the way I like it." Or are you gonna stop the manicures, trips to the salon, whatever. Seriously....Oh I know, your fiance would never be as unreasonable as that but if he was...then what?
I think you need a few more years and a few more relationships under your belt...and you'll get to see the other side...ya know, when his beer belly starts to grow...dad bod hits...he's TRYING to stay attractive. But he must not respect you? For you right now, everything is just "in theory" - once it starts to get real, get back to us.
I do not have tattoos. I have dated men who did. Unless it was extreme, like he went full Yakuza or Russian Mafiya--in which case there would be more to discuss than the ink--I cannot imagine loving someone less or being less attracted to someone I love and married because he got a tattoo. It would have to be a very big and stupid "NO RAGRETS" to repulse me.
There is a saying: If a haircut makes a difference in how you feel about someone, it is just a crush, not love. I feel the same about tattoos.
One thing I will say is that this thread seems odd in the post-MeToo era. It is an old thread that sounds very dated and sexist to me.
Also, gentlemen should understand that many women are sensitive to anything that feels like someone else is trying to control their bodies. If you had people trying to control your body the way they have tried to control women's bodies, and you were subject to unrealistic beauty standards, body-shaming, objectification, and the threat or act of sexual and other forms of assault the way women are, maybe you would understand why a woman might zealously guard her right to live in her body as she wishes. You might understand why a woman might become defensive at being told yet again that if she does not please a man's eye she is trash, and if she does not do what a man wants her to do she will not be worthy of love.
Okay....what "beauty routine" is important to you? For example, you get manicures and suddenly are getting 3" long nails because you LOVE them. Or you start getting highlights...because you LOVE them. Your fiance decides he doesn't love them or maybe it's costing him money somehow...whatever. You have to pick whatever it is that you LOVE - get it - or maybe you're sick and tired of getting everything waxed all the time? Do you say "hon - I really respect you, I do, but I like my nails, hair, whatever the way I like it." Or are you gonna stop the manicures, trips to the salon, whatever. Seriously....Oh I know, your fiance would never be as unreasonable as that but if he was...then what?
I think you need a few more years and a few more relationships under your belt...and you'll get to see the other side...ya know, when his beer belly starts to grow...dad bod hits...he's TRYING to stay attractive. But he must not respect you? For you right now, everything is just "in theory" - once it starts to get real, get back to us.
Sure, people should take into account what makes their romantic partner happy, yes, that's part of being a good romantic partner, but people mustn't lose themselves in the process of making their partner happy.
I've dated women who loved facial hair, but I hate it. It makes me look thuggish, it makes me look older, and with a clean-shaved look my jaw is on display for everyone to see, so I would make myself less attractive if I was to let my facial hair grow, as it grows full, thick, and fast.
I used to date a woman who had a weird kink about body hair and loved her boyfriends to be natural, you know, have hair on their chests, stomach area, arms, and they also were into armpit hair, whereas I've been getting body waxes and full Brazilian waxes since I was a young man, and I love it.
I love the feel it, and I love looking at myself shirtless at the mirror when I'm straight out of the Beauty Center and I just got a full body wax. When I allow my body hair grow I don't feel sexy. I don't feel beautiful. I don't feel confident. I feel like I'm a caveman. Like I'm Tom Selleck back in the 70's or 80s. No thanks.
I also like to get my eyebrows done and my fingernails filed and painted(with translucent nail polish), and I spend a lot of money on very expensive French hair products, skin products, shoes, personal fitness trainer, clothes etc.
Bottom line is, most of my relationships have been terminated because that girlfriend or that girlfriend wasn't happy with how I was living my life. That's their problem, not mine. I'm not going to change myself or change my life to please someone.
Don't change yourselves for anyone, dudes and dudettes. If you want to get covered in tattoos that's your right.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
Okay....what "beauty routine" is important to you? For example, you get manicures and suddenly are getting 3" long nails because you LOVE them. Or you start getting highlights...because you LOVE them. Your fiance decides he doesn't love them or maybe it's costing him money somehow...whatever. You have to pick whatever it is that you LOVE - get it - or maybe you're sick and tired of getting everything waxed all the time? Do you say "hon - I really respect you, I do, but I like my nails, hair, whatever the way I like it." Or are you gonna stop the manicures, trips to the salon, whatever. Seriously....Oh I know, your fiance would never be as unreasonable as that but if he was...then what?
I think you need a few more years and a few more relationships under your belt...and you'll get to see the other side...ya know, when his beer belly starts to grow...dad bod hits...he's TRYING to stay attractive. But he must not respect you? For you right now, everything is just "in theory" - once it starts to get real, get back to us.
I wouldn't suddenly love 3" nails when I have never loved them before....AND I can't wear long nails because of work anyway. If I had long nails or bleached hair or I was overweight....my fiance wouldn't have dated me in the 1st place. You date what you're attracted to....you don't think you're going to change somebody. Just like I never dated overweight men or guys with hipster beards. PPl don't usually make radical changes out of the blue like that.....so.....my fiance is attracted to how I was when I met him & I'm attracted to him. IMO the point is to care about S T A Y I N G attractive to them.
Ofc changes may happen over the yrs that aren't somebody's fault......like weight gain or loss because of illness. BUT....that's NOT THE SAME AS just not caring about what your fiance or spouse thinks....or saying stuff like "I'll divorce you if..." to control somebody. NOTHING like it......
AND....that is what the O.P.s spouse is doing.......she suddenly had this big change out of the blue & now she expects to do what she wants....AND O.P. expects to control her not to. A loving couple would work it out IMO..........it's just a tattoo.........so maybe she gets a smaller one or they look at them together for a compromise. I dunno.........BUT.......respecting the other person's opinion is super important IMO. Just like you would respect the other person's opinion if one of them gains weight.............you talk about it & try to fix it. You don't say "I'm going to divorce you if you don't lose weight"...for pete's sakes. BOTH should want to talk about it.......that's what communication in a relationship is for IMO.
Relationships are compromise AND communication & caring what the other one thinks. They aren't so you can take your independence about something like a tattoo at any cost AND it's not about trying to control the other person not to either IMO.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,584,857 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helw
Bottom line is, most of my relationships have been terminated because that girlfriend or that girlfriend wasn't happy with how I was living my life. That's their problem, not mine. I'm not going to change myself or change my life to please someone.
Don't change yourselves for anyone, dudes and dudettes. If you want to get covered in tattoos that's your right.
Ita...BUT...the O.P. is married to her AND that's different IMO & if she cares about her marriage, she would care about the O.P.s opinion. He would care about hers too or why are they married in the 1st place?
If you want to be covered in tattoos, don't marry somebody that doesn't like tattoos.
Considering you are married you both should have a say in everything. Isn't that the point of marriage? Two people become one? Dating no. Marriage yes. When I'm even dating a girl she tells me if she is getting a tattoo, new hair style, etc. These things just come up naturally to people who communicate. But I would never give a strong negative opinion on getting a tattoo if I was just dating a girl.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Durpie
Considering you are married you both should have a say in everything. Isn't that the point of marriage? Two people become one? Dating no. Marriage yes. When I'm even dating a girl she tells me if she is getting a tattoo, new hair style, etc. These things just come up naturally to people who communicate.
They don't become one.....I dunno whoever made up that saying but it's super weird IMO. You are still 2 ppl.....BUT you love each other tho. IMO that means it's important to respect the other person's opinion & care about staying attractive to them. It's common sense........or just don't get married.
Ita...BUT...the O.P. is married to her AND that's different IMO & if she cares about her marriage, she would care about the O.P.s opinion. He would care about hers too or why are they married in the 1st place?
If you want to be covered in tattoos, don't marry somebody that doesn't like tattoos.
Apparently this couple has been married a little while. OP says he THOUGHT he and his wife were on the same page about tattoos, but apparently never discussed it before now. That's ok. That's no one's fault.
But lo and behold, after all this time, wifey is feeling frisky and wants a tattoo. MAYBE if husband had been able to look into the future, and see that wife was going to want/get a tattoo, your advice would've been good.
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, don't be that passive aggressive guy...
It's simple respect tho... for somebody you are supposed to love & not give threats "I will divorce you if.." to try to totally control them. It doesn't have to be a battle IMO.....it's only a tattoo...it's not like one of them cheated ffs.
If I had long nails or bleached hair or I was overweight....my fiance wouldn't have dated me in the 1st place. You date what you're attracted to....you don't think you're going to change somebody. Just like I never dated overweight men or guys with hipster beards. PPl don't usually make radical changes out of the blue like that.....so.....my fiance is attracted to how I was when I met him & I'm attracted to him. IMO the point is to care about S T A Y I N G attractive to them.
