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Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
But lo and behold, after all this time, wifey is feeling frisky and wants a tattoo. MAYBE if husband had been able to look into the future, and see that wife was going to want/get a tattoo, your advice would've been good.
They don't need to look into the future to communicate & work it out together without threats IMO....that was my advice.
When problems & disagreements come up, c o m m u n i c a t e & work it out. Don't try to control.
Apparently this couple has been married a little while. OP says he THOUGHT he and his wife were on the same page about tattoos, but apparently never discussed it before now. That's ok. That's no one's fault.
But lo and behold, after all this time, wifey is feeling frisky and wants a tattoo. MAYBE if husband had been able to look into the future, and see that wife was going to want/get a tattoo, your advice would've been good.
Right, people change over a marriage that can go on for decades. Just because someone doesn’t want a tattoo at 23 doesn’t mean they won’t want one at 33 or 43 or 53. It might have also never come up if neither party had tattoos. Unless we are talking some serious tattooing- which to me means head, neck, or hand tattoos, or tattooing every square inch of your body, I don’t see that a tattoo here or there is really that big a deal.
I work in a more conservative field but am in a government office where it is casual. People have left the more conservative jobs and *many* have multiple tattoos. It is not a big deal. I see it as anything else like a haircut/color, etc. There isn’t too much you can do about it other than give an opinion because it isn’t your body.
Right, people change over a marriage that can go on for decades. Just because someone doesn’t want a tattoo at 23 doesn’t mean they won’t want one at 33 or 43 or 53. It might have also never come up if neither party had tattoos. Unless we are talking some serious tattooing- which to me means head, neck, or hand tattoos, or tattooing every square inch of your body, I don’t see that a tattoo here or there is really that big a deal.
I work in a more conservative field but am in a government office where it is casual. People have left the more conservative jobs and *many* have multiple tattoos. It is not a big deal. I see it as anything else like a haircut/color, etc. There isn’t too much you can do about it other than give an opinion because it isn’t your body.
My husband is 64, and has worked in management for many years. He has avoided tattoos because of that. However, JUST last weekend, we were talking, and he's considering getting a dragon tattoo, cause heck, he's close to retirement, and he doesn't have to establish himself anymore. He IS established. Dragons are his 'thing', and I've known this since dating him. If he decides to do this, I support him 100%, and it would never be the cause of me losing any kind of desire for him. I can't even wrap my head around that...but whatever.
I, however, don't have any tattoos. I've just never really been able to settle on something I wanted on me forever. Maybe I'll change my mind someday...it's not really a big deal to me, if I have one, or I don't.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,586,529 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassybluesy
My husband is 64, and has worked in management for many years. He has avoided tattoos because of that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
I work in a more conservative field but am in a government office where it is casual. People have left the more conservative jobs and *many* have multiple tattoos.
It's old fashioned IMO to think that "conservative fields" don't get tattoos. My fiance works in a super conservative field & half sleeves or arm tattoos are common...if they are under 45 or 50. The younger they are....the more likely they are to have them. When they see a client or if they don't want the tattoo to show they just wear long sleeves or a suit ofc. As long as it's not face or neck tattoos....or really distracting or overboard like that.
BUT...none of that is important to the O.P.......they are going to need to figure it out & decide if they will let something like that get in the way of their marriage, if it's a good marriage in other ways. Only they know that tho.......
edit: BUT.....it may not be since neither one seems to want to communicate or understand the other 1.....
Last edited by TashaPosh; 07-30-2020 at 11:22 AM..
It's old fashioned IMO to think that "conservative fields" don't get tattoos. My fiance works in a super conservative field & half sleeves or arm tattoos are common...if they are under 45 or 50. The younger they are....the more likely they are to have them. When they see a client or if they don't want the tattoo to show they just wear long sleeves or a suit ofc. As long as it's not face or neck tattoos....or really distracting or overboard like that.
BUT...none of that is important to the O.P.......they are going to need to figure it out & decide if they will let something like that get in the way of their marriage, if it's a good marriage in other ways. Only they know that tho.......
edit: BUT.....it may not be since neither one seems to want to communicate or understand the other 1.....
Maybe it IS old fashioned. Like I said, he's 64. But the point is, going back to what RamenAddict said...people change their minds. And my husband has changed his mind. Maybe.
Maybe it IS old fashioned. Like I said, he's 64. But the point is, going back to what RamenAddict said...people change their minds. And my husband has changed his mind. Maybe.
I second the idea that more conservative job positions people tend to have less visible ink. I work in a field that puts me in contact with a variety of professional types and I do see some ink. Not like the guys in the trades have, but see some.
I think that tats now are so ubiquitous that they seem rather tame and somewhat pedestrian to me. I have one small tat on the side of my shoulder and no one can see it unless I don't have a shirt on.
On the idea of the thread, I do think that some should at least get their spouse's take on it. At the end of the day it is still someone else's body.
Maybe it IS old fashioned. Like I said, he's 64. But the point is, going back to what RamenAddict said...people change their minds. And my husband has changed his mind. Maybe.
Yes, and that is what Tasha needs to understand. People might change over the course of a marriage. It might not even be about the tattoo. The OP is 7 years old now, so that issue has been resolved, but someone gets married at 25. At 45, both people might look different and want different things in life than they wanted at 25. That’s understandable and probably fairly typical.
My best friend got married 19 years ago and neither she nor her husband look at all like they looked back then. He has this ridiculous beard she isn’t fond of, but it really isn’t up to her whether he gets rid of it. I think she’s mentioned it a few times (with respect to complaints he’s had about not getting promoted in his company that is headed by someone in the LDS church), but she lets him do what he wants.
I wouldn't suddenly love 3" nails when I have never loved them before....AND I can't wear long nails because of work anyway. If I had long nails or bleached hair or I was overweight....my fiance wouldn't have dated me in the 1st place. You date what you're attracted to....you don't think you're going to change somebody. Just like I never dated overweight men or guys with hipster beards. PPl don't usually make radical changes out of the blue like that.....so.....my fiance is attracted to how I was when I met him & I'm attracted to him. IMO the point is to care about S T A Y I N G attractive to them.
Ofc changes may happen over the yrs that aren't somebody's fault......like weight gain or loss because of illness. BUT....that's NOT THE SAME AS just not caring about what your fiance or spouse thinks....or saying stuff like "I'll divorce you if..." to control somebody. NOTHING like it......
AND....that is what the O.P.s spouse is doing.......she suddenly had this big change out of the blue & now she expects to do what she wants....AND O.P. expects to control her not to. A loving couple would work it out IMO..........it's just a tattoo.........so maybe she gets a smaller one or they look at them together for a compromise. I dunno.........BUT.......respecting the other person's opinion is super important IMO. Just like you would respect the other person's opinion if one of them gains weight.............you talk about it & try to fix it. You don't say "I'm going to divorce you if you don't lose weight"...for pete's sakes. BOTH should want to talk about it.......that's what communication in a relationship is for IMO.
Relationships are compromise AND communication & caring what the other one thinks. They aren't so you can take your independence about something like a tattoo at any cost AND it's not about trying to control the other person not to either IMO.
OMG - I tried to help you NOT be literal but it didn't work...carry on.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,586,529 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
Yes, and that is what Tasha needs to understand. People might change over the course of a marriage. It might not even be about the tattoo.
Ofc ppl can change....BUT caring about your spouse's opinion or wanting to stay attractive for them shouldn't IMO..... It's common sense that you would care what they think or talk disagreements through.......& if you don't.....time for a divorce anyways.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,586,529 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by reneeh63
OMG - I tried to help you NOT be literal but it didn't work...carry on.
I'm answering the literal thread subject.....it's not about my opinion tho. You just want to argue like you do on all my posts...when you aren't complaining about my writing. It's common sense ffs that 2 ppl that are married should care about the other person's opinion or try to understand how the other 1 feels. You don't just threaten them by saying I'll divorce you if you get a tattoo.......or try to control them. It's the priniciple of it IMO........happy marriages know how to communicate & compromise because they respect each others opinions when they don't always agree. It's not like 1 of them wants to move to Morocco or Colorado or she wants to be a man. It's a tattoo!!!!
edit: it's like any other problem....be willing to communicate & L I S T E N to the other side. Don't threaten or try to control or the relationship is no good IMO....or a tattoo is the least of their problems..........
Last edited by TashaPosh; 07-30-2020 at 01:36 PM..
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It's old fashioned IMO to think that "conservative fields" don't get tattoos. My fiance works in a super conservative field & half sleeves or arm tattoos are common...if they are under 45 or 50. The younger they are....the more likely they are to have them. When they see a client or if they don't want the tattoo to show they just wear long sleeves or a suit ofc. As long as it's not face or neck tattoos....or really distracting or overboard like that.
You just want to argue like you do on all my posts...when you aren't complaining about my writing. It's common sense ffs that 2 ppl that are married should care about the other person's opinion or try to understand how the other 1 feels. You don't just threaten them by saying I'll divorce you if you get a tattoo.......or try to control them. It's the priniciple of it IMO........happy marriages know how to communicate & compromise because they respect each others opinions when they don't always agree. It's not like 1 of them wants to move to Morocco or Colorado or she wants to be a man. It's a tattoo!!!!