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Ofc ppl can change....BUT caring about your spouse's opinion or wanting to stay attractive for them shouldn't IMO..... It's common sense that you would care what they think or talk disagreements through.......& if you don't.....time for a divorce anyways.
I'm thinking, how about not getting married, and instead chilling?
The President of an European state that I visit often for holidays is in his 70s and he's been in a romantic relationship with his girlfriend for the past 40 years. They've never lived together.
You can easily dump and terminate a romantic partner who is in a non-legally binding relationship with you, but a divorce has the look of a messy tendency to it, as I've spoken to many divorce lawyers about their jobs, and I reckon it's emotionally and financially taxing for both the woman and the man getting a divorce.
Either way it doesn't matter.
Do what makes you happy. If your boyfriend doesn't like it, dump him. If your husband doesn't like what you do that makes you happy: divorce him.
Billions of men out there in the world for you to meet, and no one's all that special to the point where you change your life to please someone.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,584,857 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helw
I'm thinking, how about not getting married, and instead chilling?
The O.P. is already married tho & the subject is should a spouse have a say.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Helw
Billions of men out there in the world for you to meet, and no one's all that special to the point where you change your life to please someone.
Since you quoted me before this, I'm engaged & so very happy. No relationship is perfect ofc....BUT it's about as close to perfect as I know I would E V E R find....AND he really likes the small script tattoo I got. It was for him.....but I do care what he thinks & I know he cares what I think or we wouldn't be getting married. Who would marry somebody if they didn't?
You don't change your life to please somebody.....you find somebody that fits you & the life you already have...AND compromise on the small stuff. One tattoo is small stuff IMO......BUT if you would leave a spouse so you can get a tattoo....or leave a spouse because they wanted one, IMO the marriage wasn't very happy to start.
Even though the OP hasn't been on this board since May 2013, I'll still post.
I never liked tattoos myself either. If a couple's married, hopefully, the person interested in them would have expressed interest in getting them BEFORE getting married so their partner will know or have a clue. However, since that's not always the case...
If a couple's already married, I certainly think something permanent like this on the body should be discussed together & hopefully they can come to a compromise.
My SO brought up a tattoo once or twice, but he wasn't too, too gung-ho about it. He even said he'd, "probably never do it" & I'm so glad. He last mentioned it a few yrs ago, so I'm sure he never will do it & now that COVID's here, I know for a fact, he won't.
You know, occasionally when I dress for night out, my wife will look me over and say, "You going to wear that?" I'm hardly a shrinking violet, nor do I dress like a slob, but I can have the occasional miscue or bad decision. So I go change into something else.
Meanwhile, a tattoo is basically a leisure suit you can never take off again. It's a bad decision you have to live with for the rest of your life, I don't care how adorable or cool you think it is. Now that the tattoo craze has gone on a while, I've yet to see an aging tattoo that didn't look like a disfiguring skin disease. Rationalize it all you want. It's not a haircut that will grow back in a few months.
So while it's your wife's body and all, you certainly have a right to voice your opinion especially if it's where everyone can see it. And the same goes for your wife voicing her opinion about you having one.
You know, occasionally when I dress for night out, my wife will look me over and say, "You going to wear that?" I'm hardly a shrinking violet, nor do I dress like a slob, but I can have the occasional miscue or bad decision. So I go change into something else.
Do you ever say the same thing to her (perhaps phrased differently)? I'm curious because I think a woman's appearance is often a sensitive topic for men. I agree in principle with all of the replies saying to talk about it and compromise, but it seems tough for the husband to say that he doesn't like how his wife would look with a tattoo she has already decided she wants...
This really depends on the type of relationship dynamic you want and your values as a couple.
Because you two clearly did not discuss how much control you want to have over each other, you missed your chance at having a say in it. So in this case, no, you shouldn't have a say in if she gets a tattoo.
For example, before marriage, my husband and I discussed things like this. We both agreed that we need the other's permission before we do body modifications, including tattoos. So for couples like us, yes they should get a say in it. But again, for couples like you; no you should not get a say in it.
However, you should be allowed to tell her how you feel about it and she should consider your feelings. But if she decides to get one regardless, there is nothing wrong with it because she didn't consent for you to have that level of control over her before you married her.
You might be surprised that her tattoos aren't so bad though. Especially if she's able to stay in shape through the years. My husband is fit and well past his twenties, and his tattoos look as fantastic now as they did when he got them as a teenager.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,584,857 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AquaBlueGreen
For example, before marriage, my husband and I discussed things like this. We both agreed that we need the other's permission before we do body modifications, including tattoos. So for couples like us, yes they should get a say in it. But again, for couples like you; no you should not get a say in it.
IMO..."permission" isn't right. It's not like the other person gets to decide........it's that it should be talked about 1st ...AND the 1 that wants a tattoo should ofc not want to do anything that would really turn off their spouse IMO. What tattoo would be worth that....just so you can stomp your feet & say I got a tattoo because I wanted one? It makes no sense to me.
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It's common sense that you would care what they think or talk disagreements through.......& if you don't.....time for a divorce anyways.
