Should I date just to try to move on? (dating, girls, attracted)

[Gabriella Geramia]

I dated someone and we broke up way back in November. I didn't think I liked him that much, but it seems like 5 months later, I'm still thinking about him! We only dated for 3 months, and I really don't remember it being that great. He was flaky from the start, and he even said he wasn't that into me. And then he left me for somebody else, then came back and said he felt bad for neglecting me. I was trying to figure out why he treated me so bad. Was it because I slept with him too soon? Or because I went out with him the next day after I broke up with my ex, so I thought he was just a rebound and I acted like I wasn't that into him either. Or because I don't even see myself as gf material so that's why he treated me like a side thing, but even a side thing deserves respect!

I don't really want to go back to him, because I know the vicious cycle will just continue. I know that once a man decides he doesn't want you, there is nothing you can do to change his mind. The more you try, the more he will push you away. Revealing my feelings to him won't seem to help either. He always seems to find a way to turn it against me or he will probably just laugh at me about it. Or maybe he treats me so poorly because that is what I think of him?

I'm wondering if I should just throw myself into a new thing just to try to get over him, but it seems like that's what happened with him and now I'm attached. But with him, I know it sounds bad that I went out with him right after my ex, but my ex and I were pretty much done (it was a LDR and it was going nowhere) and I only slept with this guy so soon because I was fantasizing about him soon after I met him and I knew I wanted to sleep with him.

I almost feel like I want to reveal to him all these things because I really want some respect. It seems like he thinks I'm a **** that sleeps around. I don't. And when we were together, he didn't seem to take me seriously at all. He would joke like we're a couple, calling me cute nicknames but saying them in a sarcastic way. And I would take it seriously. And in the beginning, I gave him reasons why I wouldn't be a good gf because I'm really not gf material. I don't even know what I want from him. I just want some respect as a person maybe? If I tell him this, he will of course say that he does respect me as a person, but then what else would I want next? I'd want to go out with him again and then I'd just get hurt again.

I actually hate dating. I can't seem to find anybody I'm interested in dating either. And I feel like if I go out with just anyone, this problem isn't going to subside. It might just get worse. What should I do? Maybe I should get professional help because I don't really know what the problem is.

I mean, maybe I just admire him because of his ability to have his own business and do his thing and he has traits I admire and I feel like I need people like that to motivate me? Because I'm trying to start my own business too and none of my friends do, so I kind of look up to him? Maybe I should tell him that so he doesn't think I want anything romantic? He's pretty good looking and successful, so he probably has girls all over him or can get them easily. I really don't think I'm long term relationship material myself and I'm actually more focused on my own business. But I guess it hurts that someone I admire can discard me so easily.

[Mikala43]

The old adage is "the way to get over one, is to get under another."

I'm sure that works for a lot of people, but I was never a fan of it. I don't think it's fair to use others to get your head and emotions on straight.

I think it's healthier to work on your self and your own happiness, and yeah, that's much easier said then done.

[ukiyo-e]

Rebound relationships aren't really fair to the person you're trying to move on with. You're clearly still grieving over your last relationship, regardless of whether it was good, healthy, or rewarding or not. If you date too soon, you'll find it painful and pointless. Give yourself some time alone, straighten your head out, and get comfortable with yourself again first.

Respect yourself and you won't care what opinion he has of you. Your self-image and confidence shouldn't be dependent on what some guy you used to date thinks of you.

[srjth]

Yes.

[lastwomanstanding]

ok. where to start? First of all I dated this guy and he ditched me too so don't feel bad. (there's a million of them out there like this I'd guess.) Second of all yes, I do think you would benefit from dating - NOT having sex. Just get some male energy around you. Don't go out with just anyone, go out with men you legitimately think you could be attracted to etc. Just date, I repeat, no sex. This figures in to the attachment to the man you are posting about.
You know what you're doing, if a man rejects you, don't go to him. Most important, telling this man your motives, etc. is not going to help "redeem" you or change his opinion or interest level. What does that is allowing him to come to you IF he chooses to and showing that you are focused on your own business etc. Showing , not telling. Good luck and try not to worry so much.