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IMO, this is a huge load of cr*p - with a little truth mixed in. Yes, some people may be able to make it work, but it will always require ongoing work.
I think it IS about finding the right person, and then learning to love them as the early euphoria wears off. With the right person, there is still work, but it is occasional and much easier. Why? Because they are fundamentally compatible in personality type, values, goals, some shared interest, attitudes - and, to reference another recent thread, attachment style. When you are in tune with each other, the early euphoria may not even fade much, but just settle into a very happy contentment. Sometimes, the euphoria may even remain pretty much intact for years or even decades.
Naturally, there will be a range, from mostly incompatible requiring tremendous effort, to almost complete compatible, requiring little. Since so many marriages fail, I think a lot of them do so because of poor compatibility which even great effort at learning to love each other will NOT overcome.
wow! great post! thank you! My parents were exactly the incompatible you're speaking of. My mother even tells me she was almost a runaway bride on her wedding day. I'm amazed they even stayed married for 20 years but it was "for the kids". stupid. both my parents are good people, but horribly incompatible.
There is some truth in it. I don't agree with the anger, and phone calls being a bother, etc. I agree that love needs to be nurtured.
I would rather spend time with my husband than anyone else, we have fun grocery shopping and just watching TV, NO ONE makes me laugh as often or as hard as he does. We agree on almost all core values, religion, raising kids, money management, etc.
You have to guard against taking the other for granted, maintaining romance and all the other stuff that keeps the love alive.
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No. There is no evidence for the existence of gods. Thus, I do not believe that gods determine who walks into my life.
I agree. A god has nothing to do with it.
Also, I can never understand why we are taught that not wanting your partner to touch you, not getting calls, and being generally annoyed with them is normal after time. I could not imagine feeling so trapped and bored in a relationship that we had to talk ourself into wanting to be with them and being happy, like these articles often suggest.
I have been married over 10 years, my partner is my best friend and we love each other more than ever. It only seems to get stronger as time goes by. My experience has been the exact opposite of all of these articles about "love."
We celebrated 15 years on our last anniversary. I still get all nervous when I'm walking in the front door and he and the cats are waiting for me. I love hearing his voice when he calls me. If I'm at home and waiting for him, I'm checking the window to see if he's home yet. It's all very silly and nice. We've actually been together for 22 years and yep, the love is still very strong, but it's like Tao said, finding the one that's compatible to begin with is extremely important. I lucked out when I was young and found him.
Oh, there are difficult times. He can be totally annoying (as I can be-shrug, shrug) and I do get irritated at times. But for the most part, his is the company I prefer over anyone else. I can only talk to him like my best friend and it's a real blessing to have that in my life. It's pretty cool. It's true you have to work at it, but I think with age, it's gotten much easier.
We've had a lot of grief from family not wanting us to stay together...my family somehow thinks I could've done better, but they only mean financially. That's whats important to THEM. To me, sharing life with my best friend who's my husband is the life I always dreamed of...not a better car or a bigger house. Once you figure out what's important, hold on to it...it will guide you through a lot of steaming piles of nonsense.
That's not a meme, it's just a long-winded shared image that is shared way too frequently and is filled with cliched crap and pop psychology. Whenever one of my friends share those long-winded "inspirational" statuses with some stock image attached to it, I just roll my eyes.
Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
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I politely disagree that the portion quoted above is necessarily an inevitable and unchangeable occurrence, that will happen no matter what I truly believe that romantic love can still be a type of unconditional love, with the right person.
No. There is no evidence for the existence of gods. Thus, I do not believe that gods determine who walks into my life.
Not to go OT or anything, but some people who may have personally experienced an instance of divine intervention, or had a lucid vision of God/Jesus/etc. may perhaps disagree with you, as far as a lack of evidence of the Divine
I think you do have to work at it in not taking each for granted, making time for each other, etc. but I think the most important thing is the pick the right person in the first place. Your brain and logic should be equally involved as your heart when choosing someone. I don't think love conquers all, so you need to pick someone you truly enjoy being around, know you can trust and count on, someone with similiar values and life goals, etc. Ups and downs are normal, doubts sometimes are normal, but if you can't stand to be touched by your partner and everything they do annoys then maybe you didn't pick the right person.
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I truly believe that romantic love can still be a type of unconditional love, with the right person.
