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Don't be to fussy. Find someone with one major characteristic that really counts. Someone that is reasonable. "I will if not , I won't" - well you have that part right- it is better to live and die alone than live with someone that is not right. The only reason I suggested settling in was because of my own experience. I have not lived with my wife for about 7 years. We took on separate addresses because of an economic problem. We were never "compatible" but we had four kids and we believed in family so we stuck it out and raised them.
Here is what I found- there is a cut off age when it comes to finding someone new. I wasted a lot of time having a relationship with my semi-estranged spouse. We continued as a couple even though we were separated. Being in my early 50s at the time - I was still viable material in the dating game. Once I passed the 60 mark...I would safely say - no on wants a man with an expiry date on their forehead. So take advantage of the last bit of your youth is all I am saying.
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Originally Posted by TaoistDude
I returned to dating in my 40's, and found it to be far easier and much more fun than dating in my 20's. I met some really wonderful women and had many great experiences. The women I dated were in their mid-30's through mid-40's, and most had a good attitude, were comfortable with themselves, and had their priorities straight and their lives in some kind of order.
I have friends in their 50's and 60's now who are enjoying dating, but it seems that things get far more difficult as you approach or surpass 60, for both men and women. I would not want to return to the dating world now - but that's unlikely anyway.
These both touch upon something regarding dating and relationships later in life: The practicalities. Older folks may have certain benefits that they would lose if they remarry. I have a friend in his 60s. His wife passed away a several years ago. He has since met a wonderful woman, but they will remain "forever engaged" because of the way their particular Social Security benefits are paid, though I'm not sure of the details.
Also, there's the hassle of taking legal steps to ensure that what you want to go to your kids upon your death actually gets to them, like writing a will around a spouse, adding protections for different assets and trusts, and all of that. In my state, at least, anything not specifically outlined in a will defaults to the surviving spouse. Depending on your situation, there could be a lot of ends to tie up.
Sure, we're talking about the intangibles, like love, romance, and companionship, but the practicalities can and do affect how people view dating and relationships as they age.
This is interesting. Do you think it's mainly do to your outlook on dating or the pool of men has changed? Seems like it wouldn't change that much from 38 to 43.
Speaking only for myself, I divorced at 36 and started dating again around 38. I expected my dating world to be the same as it was when I was 28, same types of suitors. I was wrong! It took some time adjust to reality. I also this k the "I look ten years younger than I am" mindset hurts people in the dating world. I stopped thinking like that, and accepted the fact that I want be super attractive when interacting with the right crowd, or mediocre at best with the wrong one.
And that's another thing. I was always a 5, 6 tops in my 20s. Definitely NOT a hot girl at all, very skinny and awkward. In a room of my peers I was not the one people wanted. Now, I am very high up on the totem pole in a room of my peers. In a room of 40+ women I will be in the top 10%, that has never happened before. Granted, I definitely can't compete if a guy wants a 25 year old. But there are plenty of men who want someone my age so I hang around those dudes. And it has worked out great.
Last edited by OngletNYC; 04-15-2013 at 10:48 AM..
Potentially. Who wants to live their final days alone? Be a pretty lonely existence as you begin to exit this world.
The lifespan difference between men and women is so great (especially black men vs black women), if I married tomorrow i would probably still spend a good 20 years alone after the death of my spouse. In my family, women have almost always outlived men by 20 years.
The lifespan difference between men and women is so great (especially black men vs black women), if I married tomorrow i would probably still spend a good 20 years alone after the death of my spouse. In my family, women have almost always outlived men by 20 years.
It's astounding how many black men end up incarcerated. Same thing goes for how many black women become single parents.
It's astounding how many black men end up incarcerated. Same thing goes for how many black women become single parents.
More astounding, something to look at, is the number of black men who die in their 60s. I hope you are taking D3 supplements and keep your BP in check.
The single mom thing, and also weight, is in part why I can date easily. No kids, physically fit makes me a unicorn.
Speaking only for myself, I divorced at 36 and started dating again around 38. I expected my dating world to be the same as it was when I was 28, same types of suitors. I was wrong! It took some time adjust to reality. I also this k the "I look ten years younger than I am" mindset hurts people in the dating world. I stopped thinking like that, and accepted the fact that I want be super attractive when interacting with the right crowd, or mediocre at best with the wrong one.
And that's another thing. I was always a 5, 6 tops in my 20s. Definitely NOT a hot girl at all, very skinny and awkward. In a room of my peers I was not the one people wanted. Now, I am very high up on the totem pole in a room of my peers. In a room of 40+ women I will be in the top 10%, that has never happened before. Granted, I definitely can't compete if a guy wants a 25 year old. But there are plenty of men who want someone my age so I hang around those dudes. And it has worked out great.
That's great! I wonder too, it sounds like you have gained more confidence in your 40s. That can also make a big difference!
Man meets woman at 24, dates woman, they get married, have a couple of kids.... wife finds out she's got breast cancer at 37 yrsr old. She fights it for a couple of yrs, to no avail. Hubby is now 41, a single dad perhaps...
He misses his wife but knows he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life alone. He goes out with some friends.. joins some activives, has a few dates with some women.
He's trying to get his life on track.
Yet here you are looking down your nose at dating in your 40's.....
LOL, whatever... you meant it a crappy/snotty way when you posted it... you most likely wasn't thinking of a scenario like that.........
Sweetheart, it's my personal opinion, ok? I said I PERSONALLY would not like it if I'm not settled by 43. Apologies if you do not like what I said, but it's what I feel. Good luck with the debate, I'm out.
Sweetheart, it's my personal opinion, ok? I said I PERSONALLY would not like it if I'm not settled by 43. Apologies if you do not like what I said, but it's what I feel. Good luck with the debate, I'm out.
Keep raging on like that and indeed, you probably won't be settled by 43. A decent man isn't going to find it appealing.
Keep raging on like that and indeed, you probably won't be settled by 43. A decent man isn't going to find it appealing.
I already am settled by the way, but thanks anyway.
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