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It's possible that she was insulted that you did not ask her to move in with you, and that her behaviour since then is because she is angry and hurt and doesn't know how to bring up her feelings to you. She may aso be trying to decide if this means she wants to break up.
This is exactly what I was thinking .
Quote:
Originally Posted by 350man
Anyways, once we decided to be exclusive, things changed. She didn't seem to make nearly as much of an effort to hang out as much over time. To a certain extent I get this because she had been busy with trying to find a new place to live. She has also been really stressed.
However, we would never get upset at each other, but this changed after she decided not to renew her lease (rent went up $100) and then realized that she should have renewed it (couldn't find a better deal than what she would have had even with the rent increase).
The worst thing is, ever since the living situation problems, she snaps at me so easily and gets mad.
If she didn't renew her lease, does that mean that she moved to a more expensive apartment? That's grounds for a funky attitude, but it certainly isn't your fault. Don't let someone move in with you just because their lease is expiring .
Just chill. Why do you have to introduce her to your parents just yet? I think she is communicating she wants space and you are moving too fast. If you want to keep her, you'd better back off. (I'm in a mean mood today, so sorry if that sounds harsh. Trust me, I know, I AM similar to this girl.)
I've tried to talk to her about how I feel a few times, but it usually just seems to irk her even more. I usually just drop things because she'll keep laying into me about them. Or she just brushes it off.
Thanks for your advice/input guys.
Talking can create pressure. She's shown you with her actions things may have moved too fast or are moving too fast and you need to slow down if you don't want to blow it. She has things of her own to sort through. Have you ever been in a situation where you needed to find a place to live? She likely has more issues that just this, but give her lots of space. Some people need lots of space.
I need some advice regarding a girl I've been seeing for a couple of months now...
First things first. I'm 26; she's 36. We work at the same company.
We started dating a few months ago and shortly after decided to be exclusive. It was beyond amazing at first. I was so excited that I felt like I barely needed sleep.
Anyways, once we decided to be exclusive, things changed. She didn't seem to make nearly as much of an effort to hang out as much over time. To a certain extent I get this because she had been busy with trying to find a new place to live. She has also been really stressed.
However, we would never get upset at each other, but this changed after she decided not to renew her lease (rent went up $100) and then realized that she should have renewed it (couldn't find a better deal than what she would have had even with the rent increase).
The worst thing is, ever since the living situation problems, she snaps at me so easily and gets mad. I've tried to be patient because I know she's stressed but she really hurt my feelings a few times and was out of line.
I feel like we barely hang out now, aren't intimate nearly as much, etc. Also, my parents have wanted to meet her but she doesn't want to "involve" parents. My parents think I'm embarrassed of her. She'd said she'd rather wait and see if it gets that far or something like that.
What do you guys think? Would you wait and see if it gets better? End it? Just start looking to date others? I was feeling really close to her so it's just kind of disappointing now.
Sorry for such a long post. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Maybe now that you are officially exclusive, she now has 'cold feet'?
Difficult to say. All you can do is try to reassure her your interest/ feelings with her. If she continues to back off, let her know the space she is creating is not what you had in mind regarding a relationship. Maybe she is so stressed she doesn't realize what she is doing to you/treatin you?
I donno, but your only hope is to man up, and tell her what your thinking and how you feel. If she is really into you and wants to continue things, then she will adjust.
For all you know she may be backing off because of something YOU may or may not be doing.
Or, maybe she has severe commitment issues. Some people are fun and great while 'dating'. Then once it becomes real, they don't know/ how to be 'normal'.
FWIW, IME, when this occurs, it means the relationship is almost over, and it could be for any reason, her, you, stress, anything.
I would reconsider the relationship honestly. It sounds like she has real reasons to be stressed, but you're not her punching bag and it isn't fair for her to take out her frustrations on you. If she feels the relationship is moving too fast then she should communicate that to you. You're not a mind reader. All in all, it doesn't sound like things are going in the right direction especially since you've only been dating a few months.
I've noticed two potentially conflicting sides here.
Some of you think that she may have been upset that I didn't ask her to move in with me. When she first realized that her rent was going up $100, we had only been dating a month maybe. I will say that we had been pretty good friends at work for a prior 2 months to dating.
The thought of asking her to move in so she'd have a lot less to pay in rent did occur to me (company, someone I really like, extra money, etc). However, the thought made me nervous because I had already seen a few of her mood swings. As the weeks went by, it reaffirmed my decision that it would have been nuts to offer to let her move in when she obviously didn't want to meet my parents. I'm close to my parents and am not going to let a girl move in with me if she won't meet my parents.
I'm financially stable even though I've only been on my own a few years. I have a good job, and bought a house 2.5 to 3 months ago. I realize that I make quite a bit more than her, and I do contribute a lot more (I almost always end up paying for dinner and whatnot).
I've put a lot into this relationship physically, mentally, and emotionally, and it is what it is for now I guess. Like some of you have mentioned, I'm not a mind reader. The only thing that I can think of to do at the moment is to back off like some of you have mentioned. I don't want to end it just yet because I tend to do things I regret if I make a decision impulsively or out of anger or emotion. But I figure, if nothing changes once she is moved and settled later this month, then I have my answer and know it's not stress.
On the flip side, I also agree with those of you who think it's a blessing in disguise that I got a small taste of how she reacts to stress.
I guess I'm hesitant to end it because she is someone I really liked and could easily chat with and have fun with once I got to know her.
On the flip side, I also agree with those of you who think it's a blessing in disguise that I got a small taste of how she reacts to stress.
Yep, and this vvvv does not bode well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 350man
I've tried to talk to her about how I feel a few times, but it usually just seems to irk her even more. I usually just drop things because she'll keep laying into me about them. Or she just brushes it off.
Thanks for your advice/input guys.
Not to play the age card here, but she's 36. She should know by now that to make a relationship work, there needs to be communication and respect, and she is offering you neither.
Imagine what it would be like if the relationship progresses. I see a Bridezilla turning into a Housefrau from Hell.
No, 350man. You are years ahead of her in wisdom, so my advice is to...
Not to play the age card here, but she's 36. She should know by now that to make a relationship work, there needs to be communication and respect, and she is offering you neither.
Imagine what it would be like if the relationship progresses. I see a Bridezilla turning into a Housefrau from Hell.
No, 350man. You are years ahead of her in wisdom, so my advice is to...
Ha ha I loved the added video and I agree with what you said too. I would be so apologetic to him if I was her and had treated him like that. It's just plain mean behavior on her part.
But I figure, if nothing changes once she is moved and settled later this month, then I have my answer and know it's not stress.
Wait, what? You mean you are not going to ASK her what is going on, you are just going to have this secret test where you wait and watch and see if she does the thing you want her to do? Dude, that is ****ed up.
Maybe she didn't want to meet your parents because, by not bringing up the possibility of moving in with you, YOU told HER that you did not consider this a serious relationship. Maybe she didn't want to move in, but you not even mentioning the possibility was a slap in the face to her.
I think you two need to stop trying to guess each other's secret coded messages and just talk like normal grownups.
Start by saying this, if you need words: 'Hon, I know you've been under a lot of stress with this moving thing, but I am wondering if there is more to it. I'm wondering if you are upset that I didn't ask you to move in here, and if that made you think I don't take the relationship seriously. And then on the other hand I am wondering if you don't want anything serious with me...basically I am all confused and want to know how you are thinking about things, how you see us moving forward.'
Or something like that .
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. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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