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I agree with this - but I think it also helps for the man to be older than the woman by 7-12 years, because looks are much more important to men than to women. However, even with this age difference, the woman will still age and develop flaws she did not have in her youth. So the man will need to have a strong sense of attachment to his wife that is not based on sexual attraction, plus humility, loyalty, and a sense of perspective. If he has the irrational belief that he is either not aging or that aging in men is totally unimportant, and he feels entitled to an ever-changing complement of young sex partners, he either won't be able to stay with his wife as she ages or he will resent her for not being what he desires. Either outcome, obviously, is bad news.
Although appearance remains important to men for as long as they have vision, younger men and even middle-aged, never-married men greatly overestimate how much they will care about their wives' looks when they are older and have been married for years. When dh and I first got together, he was 42 and appearance was huge. The complaints were endless! Now, although he's not crazy about how I've aged, he will happily tell anyone who will listen how much my everyday behaviors bother him and how much more of an irritant the mundane stuff is. The impact of day-to-day, repeated occurrences cannot be gauged in advance.
OK, I think I'm reading your post incorrectly. He tells you how he is "not crazy" with how you've aged? Am I reading that correctly?
DH and I have been married for 17 years, together for 19 in Oct. We discuss how grateful we are that we found each other. Appearance, besides us looking in the mirror and LOLing about the changes, never enters the discussion.
Although appearance remains important to men for as long as they have vision, younger men and even middle-aged, never-married men greatly overestimate how much they will care about their wives' looks when they are older and have been married for years. When dh and I first got together, he was 42 and appearance was huge. The complaints were endless! Now, although he's not crazy about how I've aged, he will happily tell anyone who will listen how much my everyday behaviors bother him and how much more of an irritant the mundane stuff is. The impact of day-to-day, repeated occurrences cannot be gauged in advance.
"DH" stands for "Dastardly Hypocrite," right? I mean, this is someone who is supposed to love and cherish you for you, all of you. Yet, he demeans and disrespects you to "anyone who will listen" which is completely and utterly disloyal.
So please explain to me why you are still with him and putting up with this. For the life of me I can't think of one reasonably compelling reason to stick around and continue to be so disregarded and emotionally abused.
I agree with this - but I think it also helps for the man to be older than the woman by 7-12 years, because looks are much more important to men than to women. However, even with this age difference, the woman will still age and develop flaws she did not have in her youth. So the man will need to have a strong sense of attachment to his wife that is not based on sexual attraction, plus humility, loyalty, and a sense of perspective. If he has the irrational belief that he is either not aging or that aging in men is totally unimportant, and he feels entitled to an ever-changing complement of young sex partners, he either won't be able to stay with his wife as she ages or he will resent her for not being what he desires. Either outcome, obviously, is bad news.
Although appearance remains important to men for as long as they have vision, younger men and even middle-aged, never-married men greatly overestimate how much they will care about their wives' looks when they are older and have been married for years. When dh and I first got together, he was 42 and appearance was huge. The complaints were endless! Now, although he's not crazy about how I've aged, he will happily tell anyone who will listen how much my everyday behaviors bother him and how much more of an irritant the mundane stuff is. The impact of day-to-day, repeated occurrences cannot be gauged in advance.
I don't know the one should have a husband that is older by 7-12 years just based on the looks issue. My own parents fell into that window of 7-12 years. While it doesn't seem like a great difference in age, it was enough that it brought its own set of difficulties.
I can see old classmates on FB, etc. You can't always make generalizations on age. There are guys that look 10 years older than me, even though we are the same age. Looks are important to women as well, the guy with unkempt prematurely greying hair and who is a sloppy dresser is no prize either.
I don't know the one should have a husband that is older by 7-12 years just based on the looks issue. My own parents fell into that window of 7-12 years. While it doesn't seem like a great difference in age, it was enough that it brought its own set of difficulties.
I can see old classmates on FB, etc. You can't always make generalizations on age. There are guys that look 10 years older than me, even though we are the same age. Looks are important to women as well, the guy with unkempt prematurely greying hair and who is a sloppy dresser is no prize either.
My parents were 14 years apart, but growing up, I always felt my mother aged more quickly than my father did. The fact that she was a smoker and a drinker, in my opinion, is what did it.
She did pass after he did, but at a younger age. He was 73 and she was 65.
My parents were 14 years apart, but growing up, I always felt my mother aged more quickly than my father did. The fact that she was a smoker and a drinker, in my opinion, is what did it.
She did pass after he did, but at a younger age. He was 73 and she was 65.
Smoking and drinking is incredibly aging.....both on the inside and the outside.
Obviously young people look the best, both the men and women.
And, obviously looks certainly play a great role in chemistry, and chemistry matters a lot to some
....But looks fade and people get old, wrinkly, fat, and grey. Some people earlier than others... Through out my time here I have seen that this fade affects some relationships (either directly or indirectly), where as others manage to stick through...
...My question is, how do you deal with that crap? What must you do to see the relationship past the looks to make it together with one person to the old age?
It has to have a strong foundation in something other than physical attractiveness from the beginning.
I think those who are worried about old age are the young ones who aren't there yet. I'm pushing 60, and believe it or not, I wouldn't go back to a younger age if I could. I am finally comfortable in my own skin. When I was in my 20s, 30s and 40s, I was always trying to please other people, and was always concerned with how others viewed me.
When I was younger, I would often think how I would feel when the opposite sex didn't find me as attractive as I used to be. You know what? I don't even think about that anymore. I do try to exercise and eat right, and maintain my appearance as much as I can. But do I worry about that and how I look to other people? Nah.
My advice to the younger folks out there. Get to know yourself, and embrace who you are. Treat people, animals, the environment with respect and as you would want to be treated. Love your family and friends as much as you can, and try to leave the world in a better place than when you got here. You'll find age doesn't really matter all that much.
It has to have a strong foundation in something other than physical attractiveness from the beginning.
Yes, and this is pretty much true no matter what. In your 20s, you may think you'll never grow tired of just sitting there staring adoringly at your cute man or woman. But trust me when I tell you that 15 years later, you'll be SERIOUSLY bored if there's nothing else there. Even maybe 5 years later, depending upon how strong that physical pull is.
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