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Hmm... among folks I know, dating more than one is not the norm.
I occasionally see people who say this on the internet, but I have never encountered it in real life, so I wonder what different demographic universes we occupy. I've dated in small towns, suburbs, and a major city, in several different states in different parts of the country, from my early teens through my late 30's, and it has always been the norm that people who are dating will date different people (or are at least free to do so if they so choose) until two people decide they are in an exclusive/committed relationship.
When I hear people my parents' age talk about dating in the 50's and 60's, it was even the norm back then. They would refer to an exclusive partner as "going steady" to differentiate from the norm of dating around.
Do you mind sharing a little about your demographic, age, and where you live that dating exclusively from the very beginning is the norm? I'm not meaning to be rude, but just trying to understand.
if you ask why she's been out of touch, and she says because she was dating other people, then it seems pretty clear she's not that into you. i'd move on
note, it's not b/c she's seeing other people (that's pretty normal) it's because she's basically saying you're not at the top of the heap (probably you're at the bottom if she's that blunt about it)
If you actually read everything I said then you would have known that I also said, she could also be sleeping with all of them. It would be helpful to all involved if in the future you would finish reading everything before commenting. Thank you.
I occasionally see people who say this on the internet, but I have never encountered it in real life, so I wonder what different demographic universes we occupy. I've dated in small towns, suburbs, and a major city, in several different states in different parts of the country, from my early teens through my late 30's, and it has always been the norm that people who are dating will date different people (or are at least free to do so if they so choose) until two people decide they are in an exclusive/committed relationship.
When I hear people my parents' age talk about dating in the 50's and 60's, it was even the norm back then. They would refer to an exclusive partner as "going steady" to differentiate from the norm of dating around.
Do you mind sharing a little about your demographic, age, and where you live that dating exclusively from the very beginning is the norm? I'm not meaning to be rude, but just trying to understand.
Well, I can't say a lot, due to a RL stalker, but I am on the west coast of the US, in a city.
I've only ever heard of the 'dating multiple people' thing online. As a norm, I mean. IRL, it is a huge scandal if someone does it, and people talk about it for years afterwards.
For example, when I was in my early 20s I had a housemate who was 18. She had been dating a guy for a week or so when a woman walks into the bakery where she works, and says, 'Are you dating Joe? So am I!' It turned out he was dating 5 women. What they did was, one of them asked him to meet her for lunch at a cafe. When he walked in, all 5 women were sitting at the table.
The point is, he had been caught doing an appalling thing, and so he was humiliated. And that was after only a week.
Another factor that may be relevant: Consensual polyamory is not rare, here. Everyone has heard of it and considered it, though most people are not interested in actually trying it out. The result is that if you want to date multiple people, you just say that, and find partners who feel the same way. But this whole business of starting out poly and then switching to monogamy midstream is weird to me, and not something I have encountered IRL. (I mean, that one guy, who knows what his eventual goal was or if he had one. But consent was obviously not on his mind.)
if you ask why she's been out of touch, and she says because she was dating other people, then it seems pretty clear she's not that into you. i'd move on
note, it's not b/c she's seeing other people (that's pretty normal) it's because she's basically saying you're not at the top of the heap (probably you're at the bottom if she's that blunt about it)
I think it's a no-brainer not to tell someone you're dating (and yes, that includes sleeping with) that you're seeing other people. In 99.9% of cases, it will drastically damage, if not end, your relationship with the person you tell it to. If they ask, it's definitely better to lie than to be honest, unless they're going to find out anyway.
I have not read any of the other responses here, but here is my $.02. I doubt there is some sort of ulterior motive there. This person was just being honest and upfront.
I think it's a no-brainer not to tell someone you're dating (and yes, that includes sleeping with) that you're seeing other people. In 99.9% of cases, it will drastically damage, if not end, your relationship with the person you tell it to. If they ask, it's definitely better to lie than to be honest, unless they're going to find out anyway.
I too think it's a no brainer question but I asked to see if I was wrong for my view on this. You see how there's some people answered "honestly is the best policy" etc so people clearly disagree. It's interesting to see from other people's POV.
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