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I read a lot of threads where the woman struggles before, during, and after divorce because she is the one who typically ends up with the kids. Nothing against children, really. Men, on the other hand, have more flexibility and freedom because all they have to do is shell out money and put in a token amount of time playing Papa.
I know these are gross generalizations -- I've met at least one single father.
My question is if a woman wants to take that role, why is she automatically excoriated for being cold, uncaring, evil, or soulless? Men are typically better off finacially after a divorce. Women are frequently set back professionally because they get pregnant and fall into the tradional role of caretaker.
Seems so easy on paper, if a man is not a terrible monster and seems like he won't accidentally kill the offspring: why don't you ladies just cut and run?
You as in you personally I most likely wouldn't just cut and run because I would want to be the primary caregiver of my daughters (I don't have any kids however I'm going by the hypothetical of me being divorced and having children and I'd only give birth to daughters since I'd abort any male child).
You as in you gals in general then possibly it's due to social stigma as it seems quite acceptable for a guy to cut and run at the responsibility of being a parent but unacceptable for a gal to do so.
Is joint custody commonly awarded in the US, wherein the father and mother have the child in their home so many days a week? It's quite common where I live. But the bias is still the same, many parents seem to prefer 2 weekend stay-overs a month, instead of a equitable schedule.
Part of this is due to the fact that alimony is virtually non-existant. (Most women work). Child support is also quite low (All education is free and payments for Nursery School and Kindergarten are based on ability to pay. Parents also receive a monthly "child check" for each child under 18. Most kids move out by then).
It's a good concept. However, some parents are hell-bent on keeping the kids as a from of revenge, which also happens here, but the courts usually see through this.
I read a lot of threads where the woman struggles before, during, and after divorce because she is the one who typically ends up with the kids. Nothing against children, really. Men, on the other hand, have more flexibility and freedom because all they have to do is shell out money and put in a token amount of time playing Papa.
I know these are gross generalizations -- I've met at least one single father.
My question is if a woman wants to take that role, why is she automatically excoriated for being cold, uncaring, evil, or soulless? Men are typically better off finacially after a divorce. Women are frequently set back professionally because they get pregnant and fall into the tradional role of caretaker.
Seems so easy on paper, if a man is not a terrible monster and seems like he won't accidentally kill the offspring: why don't you ladies just cut and run?
What? You mean, leave my kids? I don't even know how to respond to that.
Is joint custody commonly awarded in the US, wherein the father and mother have the child in their home so many days a week? It's quite common where I live. But the bias is still the same, many parents seem to prefer 2 weekend stay-overs a month, instead of a equitable schedule.
Yes, it is commonly awarded if that is what is requested by both parents, unless there is a reason one parent is unfit or not a stable home environment. Most divorced couples I know have shared custody, 50/50. There are a few exceptions but in those cases the parents didn't want or could not provide 50% of time to the children.
I'd have no problem sharing custody with my husband if he and I divorced for some reason. I'd actually prefer it.
How much did they pay under the table to get that?
One was my aunt and uncle-she proved to me the more crazy out of the two of them (both nuts) so she was not granted custody-even though they are both equally mentally unstable.
The other the wife wanted to move cross country with her new bf, so she granted full custody of the kids to her ex, so they could stay near his family and stay in the same school.
Is joint custody commonly awarded in the US, wherein the father and mother have the child in their home so many days a week? It's quite common where I live. But the bias is still the same, many parents seem to prefer 2 weekend stay-overs a month, instead of a equitable schedule.
Part of this is due to the fact that alimony is virtually non-existant. (Most women work). Child support is also quite low (All education is free and payments for Nursery School and Kindergarten are based on ability to pay. Parents also receive a monthly "child check" for each child under 18. Most kids move out by then).
It's a good concept. However, some parents are hell-bent on keeping the kids as a from of revenge, which also happens here, but the courts usually see through this.
On paper I have joint (50/50) custody with my Ex... but the reality of things is our child stays with me about 70-80% of the time (he moved into the city and out of the school district--so she stays with me most times because her school is here).
Anyway, to answer the OP's question, I love my child dearly. She is my flesh and blood and I am her mother... why would I want to abandon her? I just can't fathom doing that. Sure I would have more money and more time to myself--but I don't care about those things so much. I care about happy memories and the love of a child and mother. And she will grow up and be out of the house in a few years and then I will have all the time I want to myself. And I already have enough money for what I need.
The only real drawback is dating. I can't really be spontaneous with things because I have to arrange for a sitter if my daughter isn't with her dad. The sitter also costs money ($15 an hour where I live). So even a simple "coffee" date can set me back $50 when you include travel time and buying my coffee. But that's not too common anyway since my real stumbling block seems to be that mostly older men are interested in me... yet they expect me to have as much freedom do drop everything as they do (their kids are out of the house or are teens). When they find out I have a younger child--that's a deal breaker for most of them. Fair enough, I can understand why someone wouldn't want to date someone with a younger child. Still doesn't make things easier for me. I think eventually I will find someone though. It's just slim pickings to find a good, decent, kind man who is also interested in me.
In the meantime, my Ex husband has had three lovers and recently had another lover move in with him. I don't get the feeling he's any happier though. And for what it's worth, I am still happy despite my lacking love life. The love of a good man is something I would like to find and will look for--but it's not like I don't have a good, happy life of my own already.
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