Mostly venting...what's up with guys nowadays? (men, sex, college)

[Ruth4Truth]

OP, who are you having sex with, if you only get to two dates, and that's it? If you're having sex on the first or second date, maybe that's the crux of your problem.

[sportsfangal]

don't come off as interested? how is that positive? then the complaint will be I didn't appear interested enough!!

I don't come off as desparate. I'm not. I don't have expectations anymore. I'm meeting men in various situatuations. most of the time, I am minding my own business.

Originally Posted by myxed

I see nothing wrong with splitting the bill, though I usually insist on paying out of habit. I also open doors and do other things that are considered 'old fashioned/gentleman'. I don't expect to get anything by paying for the date, other than getting to know the person better and determine whether we are a good match or not.

And things to consider if men aren't calling you back after a date (or a few);
1) analyze where you are getting these men
2) make sure that you aren't coming off as desperate
3) don't come off as interested
4) perhaps change what you expect to get from a relationship


Honestly, I would never date a woman that has that sense of entitlement, I would RUN away (might be what these men are doing). I already see problems brewing in the form of "I won't have sex until I get 'x' thing" or "why should I have sex with you if I won't get anything out of it?" once you are married. Forgive me if I misunderstood, but this is what I get from your "whats in it for me" comment on your OP.

[sportsfangal]

I'm not saying he needs to buy me something, I just mean that some guys brag that they have so much money or a big house, but why tell me these things, to make me jealous? make me sleep with him? I mean what benefit is it to me to hear these things.
the guy gets laid or a bj, whatever, but I'm still in the same boat..no bf, no ltr. I get nothing out of it. I don't sleep with guys on the 1st date, only if I'm in a committed ltr. but those days seem long over.

Originally Posted by lovesthebass

You seem as if women are entitled to these things simply for agreeing to a date with a man.

Exactly what is the pleasure are you talking about that the guy gets? Is he getting laid the first date? BJ? Is it the pleasure of your company? If you are putting out the first date, maybe that's why you attract so many males with that attitude. Are you picking up guys at bars, clubs, etc?

Though one problem I see is with your attitude. Three out of the four rhetorical questions you placed in your second paragraph deal with someone buying you something. What makes you think that since you decide to go on a date with someone, that you are entitled to receive all sorts of gifts?

[sportsfangal]

no, I am not having sex. I'm talking about these men that go out with me a couple times, and I can tell they are pushing for things to get physical, but I don't sleep on the first date or 2nd 3rd for that matter,
guess I'm gearing up for a life of celibacy.
(getting sex isn't the hard part, its finding a good man who wants to be in a ltr and get married)

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

OP, who are you having sex with, if you only get to two dates, and that's it? If you're having sex on the first or second date, maybe that's the crux of your problem.

[myxed]

I mean don't come off as interested in what they can buy you (gold digger). Even if you are meeting men in different situations/places, you might have your eyes 'set' on a particular type of man and that could be part of the problem. It's like a man complaining about women being superficial/gold diggers, but he only goes for the 'trophy' types.

Edit;

Also think on how you are approaching the matter. Mentioning marriage on first few dates is a big turn off IMO (I think every man has a friend that got burned by a woman so you get the point). Going in and setting expectations such as you wanting a long-term relationship is ok to do, but don't put a lot of pressure on that. Let things develop on their own.

[sportsfangal]

but the fact is I'm not searching, these men are contacting me. I don't know what signals I am giving off, but I am just minding my own business. or maybe strike up a casual conversation. I'm not a gold digger, I'm not a ****, I have no expectations, I'm not desparate.

Originally Posted by myxed

I mean don't come off as interested in what they can buy you (gold digger). Even if you are meeting men in different situations/places, you might have your eyes 'set' on a particular type of man and that could be part of the problem. It's like a man complaining about women being superficial/gold diggers, but he only goes for the 'trophy' types.

Edit;

Also think on how you are approaching the matter. Mentioning marriage on first few dates is a big turn off IMO (I think every man has a friend that got burned by a woman so you get the point). Going in and setting expectations such as you wanting a long-term relationship is ok to do, but don't put a lot of pressure on that. Let things develop on their own.

[DR2012]

I think we are way past expecting the guy to pay. I don't see why the guy should have to pay? I always preferred to share costs on dates unless he spoke up and said otherwise. If he paid (often men always did) I made sure to jump in and pay after a couple dates. I like to pay and contribute.

I think dating sucks. All the games and expectations, no thanks! The forced getting-to-know-you crap and what you are "supposed" to do. I couldn't get into something with someone unless we were friends for a little while or just got to know each other for awhile, even a few weeks or something. It would certainly take the edge off. I don't think I could ever go back to the dating world like that. I'd rather just stay single! The only way I'd have a boyfriend is an accidental one, that's for sure.

I would re-evaluate where you are meeting these men, how you go about trying to date them, and expecting them to pay for your dates and buy you gifts. Try meetup groups or volunteering, and just getting to know people for who they are and if something leads to dating then so be it. I know you say you are meeting them in various situations, but it seems like you must not know them very well before you begin dating. Perhaps if you are in some sort of say, art class for fun or biking club or volunteering, you can get to know and talk to someone for weeks or even months but not in a dating scenario, then you are knowing the real person for a longer time before you start something with them. Then, you know better if there will be a lasting relationship or if the person is what you are looking for.

Originally Posted by sportsfangal

but the fact is I'm not searching, these men are contacting me. I don't know what signals I am giving off, but I am just minding my own business. or maybe strike up a casual conversation. I'm not a gold digger, I'm not a ****, I have no expectations, I'm not desparate.

Then tell them no. If you don't really know them, don't go out with them.
Most of my past relationships were long-term. I never dated around or had these issues. But pretty much all men I dated, I knew the kind of men they were prior, I knew about them, who they were, things about them so I knew what I would be in for prior. I knew they weren't after one thing, or they weren't liars, braggarts, etc. If a guy I barely knew asked me out I wouldn't go for it.

[nearnorth]

Those darned guys these days, with their penises and their testes and their XY chromosomes and adam's apples! My problems with dating are all their fault!

[nearnorth]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

OP, who are you having sex with, if you only get to two dates, and that's it? If you're having sex on the first or second date, maybe that's the crux of your problem.

That's a silly generalization. Some of my best and longest relationships started with sex on the first or second date.

[DR2012]

Another good thing I think to do is forget about it for awhile. Take a break from dating and focus on other aspects of your life for awhile.