My GFs insecurities are driving me crazy. HELP! (dating, girlfriend, woman)
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Ive been with my girl for 10 months, recently moved in together, and for the most part we have a close and loving relationship. Shes 32 and Im 37. She is attractive, intelligent, driven and has a great sense of humor. A week doesnt go by without her telling me how much she loves me, how happy she is and how shes never felt so strongly about anyone else before. We have too many things in common to count and are planning a future together.
At the same time, no matter what I do, i seem to have a hard time getting her to fully trust me, although I suspect it has little to do with me or my actions. She seems to have a need to question my loyalty on regular basis, usually once or twice a week and almost always based on something extremely trivial or out of my control.
Example, last night she asked me why i accepted a friend request on FB some months ago from someone I didnt know. I couldnt remember the actual person, or even if it was a guy or a woman, but explained to her that I dont really take FB seriously and accept requests without thinking twice about it. I suppose that explanation wasnt good enough, because she feels that FB should be reserved for close RL friends only.
Another example. I used to have a crush on one of my lil sisters friends, and we used to flirt every once in awhile, before i met my girl. She looks a bit like Mila Kunis, whom I liked on my FB page some time ago, so her pics pop up occasionaly on my feed. My GF gave me a hard time about that, and told me that i follow Mila because she reminds me of my lil sis friend, which is completly untrue.
I find this type of nonsense so juvenile and draining. For all I care i could get rid of my FB page, because I really dont care, but somehow i doubt that would fix anything. Many times her accusations have nothing to do with FB but are just as petty. I have never cheated on a GF, and have been 100% loyal and transparent with her, yet continue being accused of made up stuff.
An ex GF texted me some time ago and wanted to meet up late at night, which i replied to that im with my gf and not interested and immediately told my GF about the text and my reply, caught hell for that too. i admit that first 2 or 3 months of our relationship were a lil rocky because of me dating several girls before meeting my GF, having to break all those ties off as well as adjust from being a long time bachelor to being in a LTR, but i have never hidden or been dishonest about any of that. Never came close to wanting another woman while with my girl, because i take my commitments seriously.
Sorry, this is little long winded, but its not often i ask for relationship advice on here. Is there anything I could do differently to provide reassurance my GF is seeking? Is proving my loyalty and commitment with my actions not enough? What do you guys think is causing these issues and how would you proceed if you were in my shoes?
When you say you've had a hard time getting her to fully trust you, has this been from the very beginning?
Deleting your FB page or certain people from it isn't going to resolve the situation. I suspect even if you did that, she'd find something else. She's holding your past against you with no regard for the fact that you've been honest and loyal throughout with her. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who I didn't fully trust or who didn't trust me, and if I've done nothing wrong, I shouldn't have to "prove" anything.
Ive been with my girl for 10 months, recently moved in together, and for the most part we have a close and loving relationship. Shes 32 and Im 37. She is attractive, intelligent, driven and has a great sense of humor. A week doesnt go by without her telling me how much she loves me, how happy she is and how shes never felt so strongly about anyone else before. We have too many things in common to count and are planning a future together.
At the same time, no matter what I do, i seem to have a hard time getting her to fully trust me, although I suspect it has little to do with me or my actions. She seems to have a need to question my loyalty on regular basis, usually once or twice a week and almost always based on something extremely trivial or out of my control.
Example, last night she asked me why i accepted a friend request on FB some months ago from someone I didnt know. I couldnt remember the actual person, or even if it was a guy or a woman, but explained to her that I dont really take FB seriously and accept requests without thinking twice about it. I suppose that explanation wasnt good enough, because she feels that FB should be reserved for close RL friends only.
Another example. I used to have a crush on one of my lil sisters friends, and we used to flirt every once in awhile, before i met my girl. She looks a bit like Mila Kunis, whom I liked on my FB page some time ago, so her pics pop up occasionaly on my feed. My GF gave me a hard time about that, and told me that i follow Mila because she reminds me of my lil sis friend, which is completly untrue.
I find this type of nonsense so juvenile and draining. For all I care i could get rid of my FB page, because I really dont care, but somehow i doubt that would fix anything. Many times her accusations have nothing to do with FB but are just as petty. I have never cheated on a GF, and have been 100% loyal and transparent with her, yet continue being accused of made up stuff.
An ex GF texted me some time ago and wanted to meet up late at night, which i replied to that im with my gf and not interested and immediately told my GF about the text and my reply, caught hell for that too. i admit that first 2 or 3 months of our relationship were a lil rocky because of me dating several girls before meeting my GF, having to break all those ties off as well as adjust from being a long time bachelor to being in a LTR, but i have never hidden or been dishonest about any of that. Never came close to wanting another woman while with my girl, because i take my commitments seriously.
Sorry, this is little long winded, but its not often i ask for relationship advice on here. Is there anything I could do differently to provide reassurance my GF is seeking? Is proving my loyalty and commitment with my actions not enough? What do you guys think is causing these issues and how would you proceed if you were in my shoes?
I'm already exhausted and frustrated with what little you wrote about her insecurities. First 10 months is NOT long enough knowing someone to move in together. Next, she needs serious professional therapy for her extreme jealously and controlling ways. After that what the hades is she doing logging on to your facebook page? There are things that should remain private since you are still individuals even though you are a couple. It is not required nor advised to not keep some things separate.
As far as the text you received from an ex girlfriend there was no reason to tell the current girlfriend. You texted back not interested because you have a girlfriend, end of story. She should not be looking through your phone, email, facebook, computer history or wallet either. She is too high emotional maintenance in my opinion.
She has not cheated or been cheated on in the past. Im sure she's been lied to, but who hasnt. I have been completely honest and transparent with her from day1.
She sounds like she has trust issues. She needs to let things go. If you actually do stray from her...then she needs to move on.
For you....hmmm I know its hard to turn off the flirting...but try. Make it known to friends, family, and the public that She is your girl friend. That YOU love her. And will not go back to an ex or a crush. Sometimes its actions that speak louder. Words get messed up.
When you say you've had a hard time getting her to fully trust you, has this been from the very beginning?
Deleting your FB page or certain people from it isn't going to resolve the situation. I suspect even if you did that, she'd find something else. She's holding your past against you with no regard for the fact that you've been honest and loyal throughout with her. I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who I didn't fully trust or who didn't trust me, and if I've done nothing wrong, I shouldn't have to "prove" anything.
Yes, its been this way from the very beginning, but i think intensified equaly with our relationship becoming more and more serious. Its really draining, but i wouldnt want to walk away from otherwise a great thing. The odd thing is, that she says she knows ive been loyal to her throughout...
Talk to her directly, kindly, sincerely and openly. But nip it in the bud now. This kind of insecurity is completely toxic. If she needs to question your every move, then she will place blame for her every jealous feeling on you, which means she will never gain control of her jealousy herself.
Talk to her directly, kindly, sincerely and openly. But nip it in the bud now. This kind of insecurity is completely toxic. If she needs to question your every move, then she will place blame for her every jealous feeling on you, which means she will never gain control of her jealousy herself.
I agree with this. Years ago I had a relationship that sounded eerily similar to this, and grew more toxic with every passing week. OP you should sit down and calmly discuss the issue at hand. If she cannot or will not stay calm and rational, be warned.
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