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My best friend telephoned me last night and told me that she's unsure of what to do. She's been dating her current boyfriend for several months now, and although she's happy with him, she's worried in the long run b/c he seems insecure. He constantly feels down about his obesity/weight, his job/low income, and his overall position in life. She told me that sometimes she feels drained b/c his issues are extensive and she can only do so much to help him.
I encouraged her to continue to encourage him but to try and be objective and evaluate whether or not she's willing to deal with this, long term. I was unsure of what other advice to offer.
But this got me thinking...
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who was very insecure? If so, what was it about?
Did you feel as though it was frustrating to deal with? Was there a limit to how supportive you were, which eventually resulted in your relationship ending?
At what point did you draw the line?
Last edited by erjunkee; 09-28-2013 at 10:44 AM..
Reason: fix grammatical issues
we all have our insecurities, they are normal...its when those insecurities start affecting the people around you negatively and you start to treat OTHERS as the source of the problems that it becomes an issue.
at that point its pointless to be involved unless the person themselves wants to work on their issues, you will always be stuck in a support position to quell and calm the person instead of dealing with the actual issue. its a never ending circle.
without dealing with the actual source, the issues will always persist
if you dont mind being an emotional babysitter, go for it.
Last edited by rego00123; 09-28-2013 at 10:39 AM..
I don't think I've ever dated anyone who was overwhelmingly insecure.
I think it would frustrate me to no end. Not sure I could hang. I'm pretty no nonsense when it comes to that stuff and don't care for the Debbie Downers of life.
My best friend telephoned me last night and told me that she's unsure of what to do. She's been dating her current boyfriend for several months now, and although she's happy with him, she's worried in the long run b/c he seems insecure. He constantly feels down about his obesity/weight, his job/low income, and his overall position in life. She told me that sometimes she feels drained b/c his issues are extensive and she can only do so much to help him.
I encouraged her to continue to encourage him and provide loving support. I was unsure of what other advice to offer.
But this got me thinking...
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who was very insecure? If so, what was it about? Did you feel as though it was frustrating to deal with? Was there a limit to how supportive you were, which eventually resulted in your relationship ending?
My late boyfriend was insecure about his single father status, he was an abused child. He never felt wanted and needed. I realized that true happiness comes within, no enough of love can really fix insecurity.
I had a lot of insecurity myself. My own grandmother had been verbally abusive towards me. (calling me all kinds of names) But I believe I got over that because she was just jealous and had tons of unmet emotional needs herself due to my grandfather's infidelity.
I heard so many times people say insecurity is unattractive, is a deal breaker. I think this is why a lot of people kept their insecurities hidden. Insecurity in itself is not a deal breaker for me. It just makes me feel closer to the guy. I want to be with a human, not a perfect being. Everybody has some insecurities, unless they are perfect and flawless of course. I am just a regular girl looking for real love, I don't connect with flawless human beings. Never did, and never will.
Having said all that, Until he believes it himself and/or works on his own self-esteem issues, really there isn't anything anybody can do. He has to recognize there is a problem and want to do something about it.
I have no problems dating a guy with low self esteem or insecurities, but I don't want to be with somebody using those insecurities as excuses. I want a strong man who can overcome hardships in life. I want a real man, not a scared little boy.
I think, there is no limit of support you should give to your partner, if you really love him/her. My girlfriend and I are in relationships for two years and in different periods of life both of us were insecure and needed some kind of support from each other, so I'm pretty sure, that it's normal and a great way to save your relationships
OP, it is up to your friend whether or not she wants to deal with it. Maybe if it is making her unhappy, it is time to either discuss it with her boyfriend or move on to the next applicant.
Some insecure people are psychic vampires and some are not. They are not all the same and thus there is not a one-size-fits-all answer to your question.
To be honest it sounds like he is right to be insecure - obese, crappy job, bad position in life... since he isn't willing to help himself there is nothing to be done. What is this guy even worth the trouble if she feels drained when she is with him?
Did you feel as though it was frustrating to deal with? Was there a limit to how supportive you were, which eventually resulted in your relationship ending?
At what point did you draw the line?
yes it can be very frustrating. i've had GFs with insecurities about intelligence, career and especially body image
i draw the line when it crosses over from insecure to crazy. it's hard to describe this line, but you sure know it when you see it
insecurity can be a good thing
if your fear is high enough u will try and work 2x harder than anybody else and usually succeed
it is the confident failure u should,but never do, avoid
she tells me that she sees good in him and think he's a sweetheart. But she says that he's just so down on himself lately.
Ive never been in this position but I can imagine that it's difficulty. I agree with Lily that we all date real people with real problems. None of us are immune to insecurities, either in ourselves, or in those w/whom we are in romantic relationships.
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