He is into me more and I am not enjoying it. (date, long distance) - Relationships -Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - City-Data Forum

sash97 · 07-10-2013, 03:34 PM

Hey guys,

So I met this guy at a friend's party and we started talking, so I have a few complaints about this whole situation with him. I could be overreacting but it's just me and my past.
Just a few facts:
1. The guy does not live in the city, he lives two hours away from me and is working.
2. He calls me everyday and texts me every single morning to say "Good Morning sweetheart" and "Good Night my sleeping beauty" every single night. I don't mind gns and gms but with those cheesy words along with it gets to me since I am not at that stage with him to get referred to like that.
3. I am working too so if I don't get time to reply, he will always inquire about what is happening.
4. I don't want to update him constantly what I am doing. He is always telling me what he is up to and sends me pictures from all over the places. Sometimes his own too and am like WHY?!
5. I don't want to lead him on or anything because even two hours is a long distance in my opinion and the past has built up a strong 'say NO to LDR' of any kind of an opinion.
6. He once told me how he would also never do an LDR so to me after listening to his say on it, I was talking to him as a friend because I did not expect anything to happen btw us due to impracticalities.
7. So, I never flirt with him but he does.

The problem: He asked me if I was free to spend the next weekend with him and I thought he will just get a hotel or find a friend in the city so I was like why not. He told me he wants to stay with me, I don't like that idea a lot since I only met him 3 times and I don't want someone just living in my house over the weekend like that. I lied and said well I have a friend staying with me that weekend so there is no space to which he said he could even sleep on my couch??!!

if not we can set another dates

Questions:
1.How do I avoid this weekend plan with him? He's a nice guy by nature but I don't want to lead him on, I am fine with being friends and if he can't then I would stop talking.

2. I think I am overprotecting myself at the same time. I don't want to date this guy irrespective of the fact that he is nice, decent yada yada yada to me more recent conversations sounded like he is not just like saying let's hang out this weekend but more like let's 'spend' the weekend together. Plus he talks things like "aww you need a big long hug because you're tired", "awww I would have carried you home right now", I never give any reaction to such lines, I just don't enjoy them.

3. I didn't reply to him at all today but I don't wanna I myself faced the last guy I was seeing i.e just disappear and never speak again stance.

4. How do I explain it to him? I am going to be very straightforward if I am going to think what to say and it hurts people's feeling sometimes so I want opinions on how to maybe word my explanations.

Thank you!

dogluvr2013 · 07-10-2013, 03:43 PM

How old are you? Just tell him you want to be just friends. People would rather just hear the truth.

akck · 07-10-2013, 03:45 PM

I would just tell him that you've thought it over and you don't want to get into a LDR. You think spending the weekend together is not a good idea. If he tries to argue about it, just say that's how you feel and you won't be changing your mind. Cut communications after that.

houstan-dan · 07-10-2013, 03:48 PM

If he is saying all that stuff he clearly likes you and wants to date you.

He already seems clingy. I'd normally give him the benefit of the doubt, but this time I would say cut that cord. Def. too many signs already that seem a bit off.

zentropa · 07-10-2013, 03:51 PM

So you met this guy one time and he is already texting you non stop and expecting you to spend the weekend at a hotel with him?

You should have shut this down the first day.

He sounds crazy, with a side order of stalker.

As a woman, you have GOT to learn to put aside your need to people-please and learn to say a firm NO, or you are at risk of being victimized.

JrzDefector · 07-10-2013, 03:55 PM

Stage 5 Clinger. Shut him down. Don't worry about being "nice." Be firm and polite.

You aren't interested in this guy and you're letting him push you into spending a weekend with him. Look, not for nothing, but I think you might benefit from a few sessions with a therapist to try and figure out why you're being so wishy washy about this.

TheJagMan · 07-10-2013, 04:00 PM

Tell him let's just be friends.

Ruth4Truth · 07-10-2013, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sash97

The problem: He asked me if I was free to spend the next weekend with him and I thought he will just get a hotel or find a friend in the city so I was like why not. He told me he wants to stay with me, I don't like that idea a lot since I only met him 3 times and I don't want someone just living in my house over the weekend like that

It's worrisome that you've only seen him 3 times, and he's already texting you intimate stuff, like, "Goodnight, my Sleeping Beauty", and expects you to house him for a weekend visit. That's not normal.

With this kind of person, who assumes a lot and is kind of invasive (bad boundaries), it's best to be direct. He needs to hear that it's premature for you two to be staying together, since you've only met him 3 times previously, and it's also inappropriate at this early stage to be texting daily, especially the "goodnight" messages. You can frame it as a moving-too-fast kind of thing, and say you're uncomfortable with it all, and you need a time out. That's perfectly reasonable (I think anyone would feel smothered by this too-much-too-soon stuff, it's not just you), and if he can't see that, it's his problem. He needs to deal with clinginess, or rushing the relationship, or whatever his problem is. Don't make his problem your problem.

sash97 · 07-10-2013, 04:05 PM

Zentropa I have met him 3 times but we were introduced at a party.

JrzDefector, I don't think I need a therapist, I just wanted to see if my take on this was ok or not. I don't want to repeat what happened with me but since there are too many red flags, I am going to tell him what I think on his face.

houstan-dan · 07-10-2013, 04:53 PM

If hes traveling two hours to see someone and theyre BOTH interested ita not too unusual. Ive had pof girls drive 2-3 hrs to meet me for the first time and ask if they coukd stay over. I always tell them ONLY if they dont try and take advantage of me.

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