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I know I don't have a penis, but is it really that hard for a man to wait a month or two to have sex? That's not unreasonable regardless of what she's done in the past.
You're missing the point entirely. The problem isn't how long.
The problem is that she has an extremely sex-negative attitude. So, she can be sexually open with men she doesn't care about. But if she she really likes a guy, he has wait until he's ready to commit? Excuse me??
It is like she thinks sex is something bad, something that dirties "good" relationships. No good man with any sense is going to commit to a woman without first finding out if they are sexually compatible.
You're missing the point entirely. The problem isn't how long.
The problem is that she has an extremely sex-negative attitude. So, she can be sexually open with men she doesn't care about. But if she she really likes a guy, he has wait until he's ready to commit? Excuse me??
It is like she thinks sex is something bad, something that dirties "good" relationships. No good man with any sense is going to commit to a woman without first finding out if they are sexually compatible.
Maybe I should clarify something for you. I hooked up during college, as do most people that age. Some guys I had feelings for, but some I didn't. They weren't strong, just"i think you're cute or cool to hangout with". I had one bf during the time. Then a couple of years ago, I realized that hooking up was meaningless, so I stopped doing it entirely. So I no longer have the ability to hook up just because. I just can't picture myself doing it. Especially since I had super strong feelings for my ex gf, there's no way I can have sex without any feelings at all.
Maybe I should clarify something for you. I hooked up during college, as do most people that age. Some guys I had feelings for, but some I didn't. They weren't strong, just"i think you're cute or cool to hangout with". I had one bf during the time. Then a couple of years ago, I realized that hooking up was meaningless, so I stopped doing it entirely. So I no longer have the ability to hook up just because. I just can't picture myself doing it. Especially since I had super strong feelings for my ex gf, there's no way I can have sex without any feelings at all.
You have every right to withhold sex until you're ready.
And guys, of course, have every right to walk away if they feel you making them wait too long. As I said, most men with life experience are not going to even think about committing to a woman until they know they are sexually compatible with her.
You sound like you know yourself well, and know what you want. Now, all you have to do is be prepared to accept the consequences of your choices. If you make men wait for sex until after they have made a commitment, most are going to walk. Good sex is one of the reasons most men choose to commit. They're not going to commit until they know the sex is going to be good. They have too many other options. Deal with it.
So, basically, when you were with men you didn't really care about, you were willing to have sex right away. But now that you want a man to really care about you, you are going to withhold sex from him until "the time is right?"
Pffft. I'd dump you in a heartbeat! Women like you are the reason so many men think being a jerk is the way to go.
I AGREE.
OP, i actually DO believe you can find a good guy who is willing to wait 5+ dates/1-2 months to have sex.
but its kind of unfair to your future bf that you want to make him wait (because he means so much to you), even though you were willing to take off your pants so quickly before for the guys who didn't mean very much to you.
OP, i actually DO believe you can find a good guy who is willing to wait 5+ dates/1-2 months to have sex.
but its kind of unfair to your future bf that you want to make him wait (because he means so much to you), even though you were willing to take off your pants so quickly before for the guys who didn't mean very much to you.
I honestly don't understand this line of thinking. So no one is allowed to adjust their behavior when they realize that it's toxic because it's unfair to future partners? Once you're on the wrong track you have to stay there?
OP, i actually DO believe you can find a good guy who is willing to wait 5+ dates/1-2 months to have sex.
but its kind of unfair to your future bf that you want to make him wait (because he means so much to you), even though you were willing to take off your pants so quickly before for the guys who didn't mean very much to you.
So - she has meaningless sex right away and doesn't feel good about - but since she did it before she has to continue to do so for the rest of her life because it's "not fair" to the guys she does care about?
Honestly, I don't understand that logic at all. And I have no idea why this idea is so hard to grasp to so many on here.
So - she has meaningless sex right away and doesn't feel good about - but since she did it before she has to continue to do so for the rest of her life because it's "not fair" to the guys she does care about?
Honestly, I don't understand that logic at all. And I have no idea why this idea is so hard to grasp to so many on here.
Maybe it's because they're guys. I don't know. It seems like the women are more understanding.
can you clarify what do you mean by the "wrong track"
To use a situation like the OP's, engaging in sexual and relationship behavior that wasn't making her happy or getting her the relationships she wanted. In your opinion and that of others, for her to decide that she's not going to behave the same way in the future is somehow being deceitful.
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