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Statistically however women are the victims 90% of the time.
Also, we're talking ordinary relationships not the Jodi Arias type of psycho which is the absolute extreme.
I notice no one would turn a hair if Travis had've murdered Jodi. Ho hum...happens every day.
A woman does it and it's headline news, she's lower than a child molester even though she is not dangerous to anyone else, had a motive, etc.
If you've seen what what women are capable of then you would know that men can be victims of abuse. I'm not saying it's as common as the other way around - but it does happen. And it's not a competition - just because men can be victims of abuse, it doesn't mean that we are somehow discounting all the female victims.
Wow Cinder, I couldn't have believed you wrote that. Women can be abusive. Women have threatened men with guns and knives, telling them not to sleep. Women have chased after men in their cars. Men may be stronger, but they can also be very committed to the family, and the same justifications given by women (I want to keep the marriage for the kids, I don't know where to go) applies to men as well. Do you know there are few shelters for men suffering with DV? Do you know men get cross-examined with the same sexist tripe about their abuse, that women rarely have to suffer? You ain't seen or heard much about life, that's all I can say.
The examples you give are not about abusive men leaving, their about Johnny Appleseed's leaving. Johnny Appleseeds - the guys who plant seeds all over the place and leave for the horizon. A whole generation who has no idea how to be committed in a relationship, how to be a father to children, only encouragement to move on.
Fortunately, there are some men really committed to family. And some men are not willing to leave their kids behind with a hellion of a wife. And fully unwilling to skip out on child support, but encourage and enforce child support from their soon-to-be ex-wives, for their children. Man, get out into the mainstream. So the ten percent can just take a hike - wow. How about we just get rid of abuse altogether, for men and women? The point being made is, men suffer too. And it is a big taboo.
You're trying to beat up a "hidden problem" but the fact is, any guy is stronger than any woman.
He does not have to tolerate abuse, he can walk away.
He is more likely to have a well paying job, be able to get an apartment, be able to leave the kids behind, be able to skip out on child support.
The idea of men as helpless victims of angry women is just ridiculous really.
Its much more than that too. There is the social stigma of leaving the children and not "doing the right thing" as they say. Not to mention the being a deadbeat dad with the child support. With the children, in many cases the children are either just as abused as the father. They talk about how sometimes the abusers will use them as weapons and tools for the abuse. A good father (I'll say mother here too if things were on the other foot) would worry about the children and want joint custody and visiting rights. This makes things even more complicated. DISCLAIMER: I really hope I don't offend anyone with what I'm about to say. Another thing to think about is that many abused men are ashamed of the situation they're in. Since they are seen as the stronger sex, people probably would assume that they won't or shouldn't take that kind of thing from their partners. If they do stand up for themselves or speak up they might run the risk of others might think there is something wrong with him.
This link to a Yahoo! Answers question gives sort of an example of the cultural problems men have to face:
I know this is an older discussion, but I have been pondering this issue as of lately, and googled around, to come across this thread.
Men can be abused by women, and women can be abused by men. There is no question about it. I have been perusing the shrink4men site a bit, and to be honest, find a lot of the content somewhat....sexist, especially in the comments section. I do believe that abusers find refuge on this site, to promote their "victim" status, and reinforce their misogynistic attitudes towards women in general. Which does nothing but harm those with legitimate concerns and complaints.
Why do we need a site that "specializes" in male victims? Any support forum that is worth a damn will kindly, and with compassion, welcome people (both males and females), no questions asked, no sweeping generalizations and bashing of the other gender going on. The trauma and suffering unites, and fosters discussion. There is no stigma amongst your peers of sufferers, as they suffer with, and relate to each other. In fact, being able to see things through the eyes of the other gender may provide value and insight.
Stigma for an abused father who stays "for the kids' sake", while exposing the kids to either witness the abuse first hand, and/or become recipients of the same? I think in those cases, the real problem should not be the concern for stigma.
Men put themselves in these situations, and stay in them, no matter what red flags are being waved, for only one reason.....a hot female. Whether it's because they don't think they can do better, or are just overly stimulated by her physical properties, the bottom line is that men ignore common thinking when a woman's "hoo hoo" is the guy's "best ever". I can understand when a guy meets a woman, and leaves because she shows abusive qualities. I don't understand when a man stays and continually takes the abuse. IMO, that guy is an idiot, and deserves what he gets.
Wow Cinder, I couldn't have believed you wrote that. Women can be abusive. Women have threatened men with guns and knives, telling them not to sleep. Women have chased after men in their cars. Men may be stronger, but they can also be very committed to the family, and the same justifications given by women (I want to keep the marriage for the kids, I don't know where to go) applies to men as well. Do you know there are few shelters for men suffering with DV? Do you know men get cross-examined with the same sexist tripe about their abuse, that women rarely have to suffer? You ain't seen or heard much about life, that's all I can say.
The examples you give are not about abusive men leaving, their about Johnny Appleseed's leaving. Johnny Appleseeds - the guys who plant seeds all over the place and leave for the horizon. A whole generation who has no idea how to be committed in a relationship, how to be a father to children, only encouragement to move on.
Fortunately, there are some men really committed to family. And some men are not willing to leave their kids behind with a hellion of a wife. And fully unwilling to skip out on child support, but encourage and enforce child support from their soon-to-be ex-wives, for their children. Man, get out into the mainstream. So the ten percent can just take a hike - wow. How about we just get rid of abuse altogether, for men and women? The point being made is, men suffer too. And it is a big taboo.
A Friggin MEN...TO THIS! I'll tell ya...I am triple sick of this statistic crap! The reason male abuse BY women is so "rare" is because it is manifested differently, and since it is , primarily, mental and emotional, it is unreported. In this regard, it is very easy for women to abuse the living HELL out of men, but since there are no physical signs, and , last I checked, abuse of this kind is not , technically, illegall.
Amongst men, this is known as being hen pecked, or, in crasser terms, PWd. However, it goes a LOT deeper than that. A woman abuser does the same things a male one does. Cuts the man off from his family and friends ( "IF you love me, you will spend this time with MY family". Etc..) She will make his family and friends into the enemy( "Your Mom hates me, so does all your family, if you love me you will take my side") His friends are all trying to corrupt their relationship, she is a victim and he MUST protect her, and thus ties are cut.
Once the cut is made, then she mist have control of the finances. This is accomplished via he has to trust she has the best interests at heart. Ohhhh...and if kids are involved, she has a weapon of incomprehensible deadliness, which she will use to the fullest. The man, out of a sense of duty and responsibility, will cave to her every wish, and since he has been alienated from his family and friends, has nowhere to turn but her.
These type of women are far more common than you think. In the end, if the man tries to get out, she will financially and emotionally destroy him, aided by a sympathetic court system, that believes this nonsense that this poor woman is a victim. Just because she is a woman. In the meantime, she destroys the man, gets the house, the kids, 7/8s of his income and his soul.
But hey, that's not abuse. He's a MAN! He can't be abused. He should ruck up and get tough. After all, be should have nipped this in the bud, right? Wtfe. I'll tell ya, whenever I hear women squalling about how "abused" they are, and how the "system" favors men, I just want to primal scream! I'd be willing to bet 6 mos pay, that if you stack up the numbers, of men who have been RUINED and beaten to a pulp, not physically. WORSE, alongside all the female "victims", the numbers would be shocking.
Are you so brainwashed by societal programming, OP, that you actually have to ask if men can be abused or not?
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