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Hi everyone. I need some advice on how to handle a potentially bad situation.
I'm engaged to a great guy, who I'll call Robert. We get along in every way even thoughour backgrounds are kinda different. His upbringing was a bit on the conservative side while mine was more liberal.
My issue is this. Robert is thinking about who to ask to be his best man. One guy he's thinking about asking is "Sam." Sam and I started as a one night stand and a couple of months later we began a friends with benefits thing. I have never told Robert about my relationship with Sam even though Sam is in our social circle.
When Rob and I had "the talk" I told him that I was carefuland conservative in my past relationships and that I only had sex in the context of meaningful relationships. He asked if I ever had a one night stand and I answered no. I said this because I know that was what Rob wanted to hear and I didn't want to createfriction... Soooo... I kinda didn't tell the whole truth.
What should I do now? I'm pretty sure things would change if Rob found out that his potential best man Sam and I used to bump. If I say nothing, he may never find out. If I do tell him, he is going to think less of me and might cancel our plans for a life together.
sorry babe, but you gotta come clean with him cuz he is going to eventually find out since Sam wont be able to keep his mouth shut about your past with him, especially if he ends up being the best man.
also, in all seriousness, your future husband needs to know who you have had relations with in your circle of friends. marriage will end up severing you guys from many of your single friends, so might as well start to clean house unless you want to deal with the drama as newlyweds.
just figure out a way to do it "gentlely", like when he starts bringing up plans for a bachelor party, mix the topic in there. best i can advise you on this one.
Well, first of all - isn't the definition of a one night stand someone that you slept with once and never saw again? So - I don't think this guy qualifies as a one night stand. Besides that - I think you need to tell him about your history with this guy. It would be one thing if it was with someone you both didn't know - but he is thinking of asking this guy to be his best man. That means that Sam will know about your history and possibly other people as well - and the only person in the dark would be your fiance. That's not fair to him.
When you lie to people - it often comes back to bite you in the butt. That's why you shouldn't lie - especially to someone you want to spend your life with.
what if he already knows,,,what if his friend "came clean" and told him??
if he did,,,then he knows you are lying,,
if he didnt,,,then i do believe to wipe the slate clean, you should tell him
you are already carrying this around like a heavy burden,,,and you will...
however, easier said than done,,, the fwb and ons "friiend" may keep this to himself...and if he could quiet to his grave you are fine,,,but this could blow up later,,
your man might blow up knowing his friend mounted you more than a few times,,,,
you know these guys,,,,,so,,,you have a better pulse,,
the safest bet,,,,is to clear the air,,,whats done is done,,and you cant un-ring the bell...
this will be a good test of your/his love,,,,,,
if you were my woman,,,id be thinking this is the past,,,,it is what it is,,,,,but i would think highly of you telling me,,,because its not an easy thing to do....and right now,,you didnt have to do it,,,,,,
whats done is done,,,,,but- so the bomb doesnt blow up down the road,,,id lean towards telling him,,
picture 5 yrs from now,,,,guys are together,,and the ons guy tells a friend,,,you two had relations,,well that friend tells your hubby,,and he gets rip shyt,,,,
clear the air,,, but some advice- dont cry,,,,you be stern look him in the eye,,tell him its in the past,,,
enough said,,
i had a buddy in a similar situation,,,and he waited til she spilled her guts on some embarrassing moments,,and then he told her,,,,the timing was right,,things you regret,,and learn from
Hi everyone. I need some advice on how to handle a potentially bad situation.
I'm engaged to a great guy, who I'll call Robert. We get along in every way even thoughour backgrounds are kinda different. His upbringing was a bit on the conservative side while mine was more liberal.
My issue is this. Robert is thinking about who to ask to be his best man. One guy he's thinking about asking is "Sam." Sam and I started as a one night stand and a couple of months later we began a friends with benefits thing. I have never told Robert about my relationship with Sam even though Sam is in our social circle.
When Rob and I had "the talk" I told him that I was carefuland conservative in my past relationships and that I only had sex in the context of meaningful relationships. He asked if I ever had a one night stand and I answered no. I said this because I know that was what Rob wanted to hear and I didn't want to createfriction... Soooo... I kinda didn't tell the whole truth.
What should I do now? I'm pretty sure things would change if Rob found out that his potential best man Sam and I used to bump. If I say nothing, he may never find out. If I do tell him, he is going to think less of me and might cancel our plans for a life together.
I'm really nervous about how to handle this
A perfect example of why bumping with your social circle is a bad idea.
Or, a perfect example as to why lying about something directly asked is a bad idea.
Now Robert has to learn that his newish 'best friend' was once a ONS that turned into a FWB with his soon to be wife. awwwwwwwkward.
Annnnnnnd, if you lied about this situations, what ELSE did you lie about? I'm sure the lies didnt star and stop there.
IMO, if a man or woman is promiscuous, and then tries to settle down, don't pretend to be innocent.
The other person either figures it out eventually anyway, or completely ignores it.
But now you have major clean up on isle 6, and good luck with that.
If I was Robert, I would want to know this information. And today, not 3 weeks before the wedding, or from Robert or someone else in the circle.
And dont get drunk and tell him. Tell him sober and calmly after dinner or something like that.
Last thing Robert needs is to get this information from one of the guys on his bachelor party.
I'm sorry but if a man proposes to you, all other sexcapades need to stop. But then again, maybe there's a chance he's doing the Maid of Honor and it just cancels things out?
Why even tell him? I wouldn't bother. Least said soonest mended and all that. Just make sure the best man keeps his trap shut too and you're good to go.
In some places it would be a given that the bride had slept with someone in the wedding party, or at least a good proportion of the guests.
And don't come that "but I want to be honest" bs...if you'd wanted that, you wouldn't have lied in the first place.
In some places it would be a given that the bride had slept with someone in the wedding party, or at least a good proportion of the guests.
And don't come that "but I want to be honest" bs...if you'd wanted that, you wouldn't have lied in the first place.
I don't want to admit it, but I really think there's a lot of merit with this post.
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