Dating and texting reply time etiquette (women, children, sex, call)
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I couldn't come up with a succinct title for this question. I'd be interested in two answers -- one to the question without my personal context and one with. So here's without context. Say you've been dating someone for several weeks and doin' it with that person. Say you send them a text which is not a question but a comment on something you'd been talking about earlier (nothing heavy, just a word debate). Wouldn't you think it normal human behavior to reply, even if it wasn't a question? Just because you supposedly like that person and want to be in touch every once in a while?
Here's the context. I've recently been seeing this guy I've known for years who I have feelings for, but he's always been hot and cold, flaky, and emotionally unavailable. A few nights ago we had a discussion for the first time about what we want with each other. Basically I said that I want either a relationship or to just keep it platonic, not something in between. He said that he wants a supportive relationship but he's afraid to give his heart again because he'd been hurt. He also said he doesn't feel ready because he's ashamed that he doesn't make much money. We had that talk and then fell asleep, hung out in the morning, and then parted ways. I sent him a text two days later. It's been 24 hours now, and he hasn't been in touch. I'm not going to contact him again until I hear from him. But I wonder, do other people feel that it's okay to not answer a text from someone you're dating, assuming it wasn't a question that I texted? Or am I probably right to assume that he's trying to back away from the girl who wants a relationship?
As far as "text etiquette" goes, well I'm old enough to believe that there is no such thing.
Communicating by sms is fine for convenience but folks who use it as their primary communication tool are just begging to be misunderstood.
My life could be a mess of "what does this text mean" too, if I let it...but I don't because every guy I get involved with realises fairly quickly that I don't "do" text conversations.
If they want to talk to me they call me.
I suggest you start the same practise, it saves a lot of confusion and miscommunication.
Anyway all that carp about not earning enough? It's carp...he just wasn't going to say "I'm just not that into you" when you're in his apartment.
Men are scared of telling women things like that, these days. Fatal Attraction bred a generation of pu.ssies.
Are you sure you're 'dating'? Seems to me he is treating this like a friends-with-benefits situation and now that you're bringing emotions into it he's running away.
If that's the case, then I wouldn't expect a text until he's ready to 'do it' with you again.
That may be true, but I think it's nearly impossible to know what's happened between two people you've never met. Maybe my meandering post missed my point. What I'd really like to know is whether people think it's okay not to text back if there wasn't a question. And yes, I do plan to put an end to the texting!
Are you sure you're 'dating'? Seems to me he is treating this like a friends-with-benefits situation and now that you're bringing emotions into it he's running away.
If that's the case, then I wouldn't expect a text until he's ready to 'do it' with you again.
Yeah, dating was a very loose term. And I said I wouldn't do this with him again
He's the one who encouraged me to talk about my feelings. He asked me what I wanted, and it was hard for me to say because I expected he didn't want more. He said I kept avoiding the question. He asked me what I wanted to happen. He talked about wanting a partner and children, but he said he was hurt by someone who broke his heart, and he said that he didn't feel confident as a provider because he doesn't make much money.
I gotta say, it seems like most women think men are just users with no feelings! Why is it impossible that a man is afraid of getting hurt, and he even says that he is? It seems sad that many women think all men want is sex, and anything they say about their feelings is a lie to get sex or escape.
A few nights ago we had a discussion for the first time about what we want with each other. Basically I said that I want either a relationship or to just keep it platonic, not something in between....... We had that talk and then fell asleep, hung out in the morning, and then parted ways.
So, you had sex with him and then proceeded to tell him that you wanted it to be platonic (which it isn't) or a relationship (which it isn't)? Why would he bother giving you either of the two things you asked for when you are clearly accepting of the "in between"?
As for your actual question, yes, it's fine for someone to not answer a text that isn't a question. By your own admission it was
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trinley
(nothing heavy, just a word debate).
Let me guess? You sent him a text proving that you were the correct one in the word debate?
Yeah, dating was a very loose term. And I said I wouldn't do this with him again
He's the one who encouraged me to talk about my feelings. He asked me what I wanted, and it was hard for me to say because I expected he didn't want more. He said I kept avoiding the question. He asked me what I wanted to happen. He talked about wanting a partner and children, but he said he was hurt by someone who broke his heart, and he said that he didn't feel confident as a provider because he doesn't make much money.
I gotta say, it seems like most women think men are just users with no feelings! Why is it impossible that a man is afraid of getting hurt, and he even says that he is? It seems sad that many women think all men want is sex, and anything they say about their feelings is a lie to get sex or escape.
Honey, we aren't the confused ones.
Come back in a week and tell us if you still think he's a non user with feelings, k?
Also some of us have just got away from men who prefer to talk about feelings than having sex, and that's not fun either.
Last edited by cindersslipper; 08-04-2013 at 09:09 PM..
he's always been hot and cold, flaky, and emotionally unavailable.
Not returning texts means this ^^^^^^^^.
Any guy that was into me returned texts as schedules allowed, even to reply "ha,ha" or some other inanity.
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People show the true intents of their hearts through their actions.
If he is distant, flaky, etc, and now is ignoring you after discussion making things a little more serious, I would say it speaks volumes.
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