got dumped after 3 dates and feel blamed (dating, women, attracted)
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i met a guy online and we went out for a first coffee date. I was instinctly attracted to him. the attraction was so strong that it's almost scary. I'm pretty selective in general.
He sent me an email after the date saying that I was "quite attractive" in person, that he would like to meet again. I was so happy and immediately agreed to meet again.
After second date however, he became super busy( which i know he really was.) and we haven't seen each other for over a month although we live 30 minutes away. we rarely texted each other either. I tried to text him once, he didn't reply my last text so i stopped. He would text me like once a week. I always responded positively.
After he's done with the project he was working on, he finally asked me out for a third date, we had a nice time at his house, had sex, i spent the night, (I know some might say too early but i'm an adult and i felt it and wanted it)we lied in bed talking until 3 in the morning. Upon my leaving, he asked when can he see me again, I said next Saturday.
after I got home, i didn't hear anything from him again, it felt weird but i didn't try to text him either. Nothing until Friday, he sent me an email saying that he feels apart from the physical attraction, we don't have real connection. that we don't even talk/texting between dates which is weird to him.
I was crushed as i did like him, but replied to accept it, and asked why he didn't text if he felt weird about no talking. He said he's as guilty and his excuse was that he's busy, but neither one of us make any effort with each other which is not ok to him.
Was I not trying enough? was I really part to blame? I know shouldn't matter now but I would feel good if I know i have done everything i could.
My take is that he was looking for a quick conquest and moved on as soon as he got it. P-L-A-Y-E-R He was just making excuses with that lack-of-texting line. At least he didn't suddenly develop "sinusitis", like the guy another member here met online. Faked an illness to get out of dating her after he got what he wanted.
He wasn't that into you. If he was, he would have made some sort of effort. If you would have contacted him more, he probably would have called you needy or clingy. He basically got what he wanted and he's done, but at least he let you know instead of disappearing.
i met a guy online and we went out for a first coffee date. I was instinctly attracted to him. the attraction was so strong that it's almost scary. I'm pretty selective in general.
He sent me an email after the date saying that I was "quite attractive" in person, that he would like to meet again. I was so happy and immediately agreed to meet again.
After second date however, he became super busy( which i know he really was.) and we haven't seen each other for over a month although we live 30 minutes away. we rarely texted each other either. I tried to text him once, he didn't reply my last text so i stopped. He would text me like once a week. I always responded positively.
After he's done with the project he was working on, he finally asked me out for a third date, we had a nice time at his house, had sex, i spent the night, (I know some might say too early but i'm an adult and i felt it and wanted it)we lied in bed talking until 3 in the morning. Upon my leaving, he asked when can he see me again, I said next Saturday.
after I got home, i didn't hear anything from him again, it felt weird but i didn't try to text him either. Nothing until Friday, he sent me an email saying that he feels apart from the physical attraction, we don't have real connection. that we don't even talk/texting between dates which is weird to him.
I was crushed as i did like him, but replied to accept it, and asked why he didn't text if he felt weird about no talking. He said he's as guilty and his excuse was that he's busy, but neither one of us make any effort with each other which is not ok to him.
Was I not trying enough? was I really part to blame? I know shouldn't matter now but I would feel good if I know i have done everything i could.
Sorry the post is long and thanks for reading.
I call BS on that. If the sex was good for him, he would keep the option open to call you again. unless he was dating you and another(s) and chose the other.
Was I not trying enough? was I really part to blame? I know shouldn't matter now but I would feel good if I know i have done everything i could
i think you are partly "to blame" (your phrase, not mine, don't really think there's blame to be had here...), in that he might have initially thought there was potential, but maybe he picked up some idea that you were playing hard to get or doing the "wait for him to text first" thing and that turned him off. but this is just a tiny thing, i don't know if it would have made a difference if you had been more proactive
and i do think he already knew this after date two, and then did the bedpost notch thing like ruth said. but since you seem pretty adult and rational about it i don't think this will bother you too much, less than the fact you liked him
must be disappointing i hope you have better luck on your next online dates!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnolia Bloom
I call BS on that. If the sex was good for him, he would keep the option open to call you again. unless he was dating you and another(s) and chose the other.
likely. although also a smaller chance he's just not the type to keep a sex-only relationship going
He's just messing with your head. And if he's serious about what he's seeing, then he's a total headcase, which you don't need. There are some guys who will gaslight you like that. I was in a relationship with a guy for over a year who did stuff like that to me - be glad this one got tired of toying with you.
I call BS on that. If the sex was good for him, he would keep the option open to call you again. unless he was dating you and another(s) and chose the other.
Not necessarily. A lot of guys using dating sites just to collect notches on their belt. They just keep moving on, they don't care about keeping around a list of booty calls.
He got what he needed by the third date. You got an itch scratched. Find a better quality fellow who will be consistent in all he does for a longer term period of time before you turn back the bed sheets again. Ruth is right - P L A Y E R. Nothing more to do about this one. There is no amount of pursuit you should engender and would you want someone back who couldn't be honest about their needs? Oh wait, he was; he essentially stated you were a booty call, because aside from the physical connection, there was really nothing going on.
No need to blame yourself, you probably did everything you were supposed to do. The fact that he doesn't want to see you anymore is just a sign of a lack of attraction.
Does it ever occur to the women on this board that if two people have sex, it's possible that one of them didn't like the sex? In which case, the one who didn't like it no longer wants to see the other again. Like seriously, women think we're all about one night stands/conquests, but why, if the girl was attractive and the sex was good, would any sane man dump her/stop seeing her immediately? My point is, they had sex and he probably just wasn't feeling that sexual chemistry...something you can only realize once you actually have sex.
I'm sure women have had sex with a man, he was no good, and stopped seeing him after that. It sounds harsh, but sometimes it takes getting naked with someone to realize that you're actually not that attracted to them (be it physically, emotionally, whatever).
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i hope you have better luck on your next online dates!
