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I do not know if I buy it look at me I never had a real long term GF before and I am almost 30 years old. As I am getting older my time to find a girlfriend/wife and have kids is now. My window is closing more and more each year and I feel time is running out.
You know, it amuses me when I see guys talking about their window closing. Just the other day, it was Atlguy, who is 43/44 and I felt like shaking him.
I feel like shaking you too. You aren't even 30 yet, and yet you are acting like you are 97.
Why are you limiting your self and your opportunities? Aren't there guys whose first marriages are in their 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s? Why should yours be different. Your issue is that you've put a timeline on when you should have a wife and kids. You also feel that if you don't achieve it by that time, your chance is gone FOREVER.
Utter BS and the worst part is that you are the one telling yourself this. It is a self-imposed limitation.
What you should focus on is getting yourself together, self esteem wise like others have recommended. I will also advice getting yourself together social-wise and job wise. I am glad you plan to get some help for your self esteem. An excellent book I recommend is Intimate Connections by David Burns. That will help you not just with your self esteem but with interacting/flirting with women. But you have to do the work. It's Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
I also noticed that you have a lot of black/white thinking or either/or approach. You feel that if you are happy in your current situation, then you'd lose your motivation to better your life. That's silly. You can work on feeling happy with yourself, while trying to also better your situation. Why should you wait until you make more money, until you are happy?
Do you know that there are many people who make hundreds of thousands of dollars and are miserable or stressed? Don't postpone your happiness until you feel you've achieved certain things. Happiness is not a destination. It's a daily commitment.
It's also impossible to be happy if you don't love yourself.
LOL I had thought of that "lid for every pot" think too ha ha.
But I also think the bad thing is, people can get to desperate, they take up with anyone they can. They know deep down it's a bad match, but they just can't be alone so they do it anyway. Then when they get hurt, they feel jaded, swear off the opposite sex and relationships, and are worse off than they were before. Don't let desperation get so bad that you make a bad choice, either. I've seen that happen a LOT.
I do not want to sound desperate it not a good thing.
You need to work on your self esteem. I've seen guys who have nothing and who are TOTAL slackers have no problem dating. You simply need to not only believe in yourself but believe that you deserve to go for what you want- actively. The world is for the taking...if you are passive and are hesitant no one will stop and help you.
The worst thing that will happen if you put yourself out there is people may say no. No is just a word and it doesn't mean next time will be a no.
Good luck.
I am taking my self esteem a day at a time . When it comes to being happy I am taking it a day at a time and finding things to be happy about .
I feel a MAJOR problem with some people is that they believe having a SO will solve some problem. "I will be happier, better or have a more fulfilled life if I have a SO." The only way one can have those things is when you yourself can make that happen. You can not depend on someone else to make those things happen for you. All you'll probably end up doing is getting angry and frustrated at your SO for not making those things happen for you. They never will be able to makes those things happen because only YOU can make those things happen.
I better job will help my a ton so i do not have to feel like a POS every time i go to work. I not one of those people that just show up to work for a paycheck. I do every job to the best ability and get things done.
on top of my job is not challenging enough and nothing to work for because i did it all.
I feel if people are doing what they want they feel better about them self's.
I would agree with that, but there are a lot of people with serious issues (drugs, alcohol, crime, violence) in at least a sexual relationship. If you really took a look into their eyes these people aren't happy. But hey, they are getting laid.
I've seen guys who have nothing and who are TOTAL slackers have no problem dating.
I have too. But if you listen to people on here a dude would have to be able to break a mountain with your bare fist to be find a GF. Given the amount of guys who would be deemed average or below average by societies standards walk around with GF's and wives I have to think that there is someone for everyone, but that someone will not fall in your lap. It just comes down to whether or not you want it bad enough to go through the hell of rejections.
The thing that is holding me back me and me only. I have been working on being happy but not too happy.
If I am happy now, I won’t be able to change the results in my life that I decided to change or improve. Right now if I am happy, then I lose my drive to achieve my goal. Also if I start to get content I will never get out of this dead end job and reach my goal of becoming a nurse.
It just feels more comfortable to strive for one day reaching happiness than to actually be there. I want to progress further in life and feel like letting myself feel happy now, despite still not having achieved all your goals, is the equivalent of giving up. I just cannot seem to relax and enjoy life like most people. What I mean by that is why I should be having fun when I have nothing to show for it.
Don't get hung up on assigning yourself labels. If you feel like you have something to achieve, go achieve it. If you don't, then don't.
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My question is it normal to feel like my window is closing? I want to be a dad by 35 or it not going to happen.
IMO, yes, to some degree
although to suggest it must happen by 35 isn't accurate, unless i have you mistaken for a male.
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How not to feel embarrassed about never having a long term GF?
re-evaluate your priorities
for instance, your feelings of embarrassment are a direct reflection of what matters to you: in this case, it is the seeking of others' approval.
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Will most women be OK with dating an inexperienced guy?
i don't know about 'most', but some certainly won't be OK with it.
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How to guys build up their self-esteem?
mainly through positive feedback from others
it does not require achievement of any sort. i know plenty of people with high self-esteem who haven't accomplished a damn thing in their lives.
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How do you feel happy even though you have not do anything yet?
i reckon i achieve happiness by not thinking too hard about an abstract idea like "happiness."
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Will most woman be supportive if there long term BF was seeing a therapist ?
Short answer. NO. Some people are too strange, too self centered, have too high expectations or several other reasons that they will never find "the one."
Short answer. NO. Some people are too strange, too self centered, have too high expectations or several other reasons that they will never find "the one."
I agree with you on the latter two. although those who are self centered probably just are looking for people to use any way so they're not to broken up about it. But you'll have to specify what type of strange are we talking about here. Is it eccentric, spacey strange or "I'm a rapist serial killer" strange?
I have too. But if you listen to people on here a dude would have to be able to break a mountain with your bare fist to be find a GF. Given the amount of guys who would be deemed average or below average by societies standards walk around with GF's and wives I have to think that there is someone for everyone, but that someone will not fall in your lap. It just comes down to whether or not you want it bad enough to go through the hell of rejections.
it is a numbers game and my best bet would be find a girl that is interested in me then see what happens.
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