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I do not know if I buy it look at me I never had a real long term GF before and I am almost 30 years old. As I am getting older my time to find a girlfriend/wife and have kids is now. My window is closing more and more each year and I feel time is running out. That being said I need to get my life in order and make life happen.
Due to many factors, I have been pretty far behind the curve when it comes to relationships and sex. Did casual dating a few times when I was in high school/college (as in we go out 1-2 times just for fun, never get physical at all) but didn't date in any form for most of my teen years due to personal issues (mostly due to massive shyness/social-anxiety problems) through school, I was socially awkward and never fit in with anyone's circle. No one would invite me in to their group.
I've managed to turn things around a bit and can talk to anyone. I am a different person now I just had to look at this way no one cares. I did not date until college and went on about 10 to 12 dates with different woman so asking a girl out is not my problem.
The longest I have dated the same girl was probably for about 6 months or so and it wasn't even anything serious. I t was a FB kind of thing so when she was done it was over. This is my only sexual partner I know sad for my age but it is what it is.
That being said I been taking class at a community college and get my PER-NURSING Associate of Applied Science Degree and then transfer over to a four year college to get my Bachelor of Science in Nursing. Now that giving this college thing all I got still taking prerequisites got to get good grades. So now it is a good time to meet people and woman and get back in the dating game.
My dead end job is not challenging or rewarding at all. On top of the pay is low and it is a great feel to not know if you can pay your rent each month if you make a mistake. Not too many girls will date a guy that sleeps in his car. I turned down a promotion in fact I said nope and I do not care that it was 10k more a year it will still make me feel like a POS . The only way I could be happy working a dead end job is if I was on a few antidepressants so I feel nothing at all.
Most women are shocked or surprised that I do not have a GF. I have been told by a lot of woman that if
I want a GF all I have to do is ask. I do not know if that is true it cannot be that easy.
In the looks department I say I am average at best.
The thing that is holding me back me and me only. I have been working on being happy but not too happy.
If I am happy now, I won’t be able to change the results in my life that I decided to change or improve. Right now if I am happy, then I lose my drive to achieve my goal. Also if I start to get content I will never get out of this dead end job and reach my goal of becoming a nurse.
It just feels more comfortable to strive for one day reaching happiness than to actually be there. I want to progress further in life and feel like letting myself feel happy now, despite still not having achieved all your goals, is the equivalent of giving up. I just cannot seem to relax and enjoy life like most people. What I mean by that is why I should be having fun when I have nothing to show for it.
I feel like I am headed in the right direction but still have way to goes. As for been happy I will be happy once I do not have a dead end job the makes me feel like a POS.
To top it all off I do not really have any close friends but have a ton of acquaintances. I had friends but I had to cut them out like a cancer tumor.
For a fact I know I have a lot to offer a girl I just need to work on a few things.
My question is it normal to feel like my window is closing? I want to be a dad by 35 or it not going to happen.
How not to feel embarrassed about never having a long term GF?
Will most women be OK with dating an inexperienced guy?
How to guys build up their self-esteem?
How do you feel happy even though you have not do anything yet?
Will most woman be supportive if there long term BF was seeing a therapist ?
Last edited by krieger00; 09-01-2013 at 09:31 PM..
I've said it before, and that's there isn't someone for everyone. You, the man, has to make it happen because women sure as hell won't.
True, but it is hard when you feel like you are not successful at all.It is hard to go ask a girl out when you do not have every thing together and all that.
How can it be a dead-end job if you were offered a promotion? And why on earth would you turn down an extra 10K a month? It means you're voluntarily living homeless, in your car. You were offered enough money to pay rent, but you turned it down. You have a tape in your head that keeps you in the LOSER file. Get help. You're in school, you can get FREE psychiatric help. It's the only way out.
The women worth hanging out with would be fine with dating an inexperienced guy. Quit beating yourself up. You're your own worst enemy.
How can it be a dead-end job if you were offered a promotion? And why on earth would you turn down an extra 10K a month? It means you're voluntarily living homeless, in your car. You were offered enough money to pay rent, but you turned it down. You have a tape in your head that keeps you in the LOSER file. Get help. You're in school, you can get FREE psychiatric help. It's the only way out.
The women worth hanging out with would be fine with dating an inexperienced guy. Quit beating yourself up.
the new role has no clear career path upside and i have to work 60+ hours a week. I will not get talked in to the idea that my success will open up new horizons. You may end up trapped there. One should Never take a job for the money.You'll get used to the new salary quickly, but the crappy job is there for a long time.
I am getting help once fall quarter starts in three weeks.
The question of "is there someone out there for everyone" really has two parts. In the first part, we ask if in the vast majority of cases, one could find a sufficiently worthwhile partner so that it becomes worth "settling" for that person. My belief is that the answer is in the affirmative. In the second part, we ask if for any person, there is somewhere out there the ideal counterpart, who (presumably) can be found. To this I would resoundingly answer "No". That is, it's a fatuous and misleading claim that there is such a thing as an ideal partner, and it's very unlikely to find even within finite time even a close approximation thereto.
In other words, I'm a strong advocate of "settling".
But the title of this thread is misleading. The OP isn't really asking a philosophical question of optimality in human mating, but a personal question, regarding whether his disadvantage can be successfully overcome. Of course, nobody can definitively answer this question other than the person himself. But my impression is that the ultimate answer depends on supply and demand. If the OP manages to surround himself with opportunities for meeting women, and further, if he is willing to "settle", then a favorable conclusion ought to be possible. And if not, not. How attractive we are to the opposite sex is not an absolute question, but a relative one, the relation being to our competition (other men) and the demand (the women).
The question of "is there someone out there for everyone" really has two parts. In the first part, we ask if in the vast majority of cases, one could find a sufficiently worthwhile partner so that it becomes worth "settling" for that person. My belief is that the answer is in the affirmative. In the second part, we ask if for any person, there is somewhere out there the ideal counterpart, who (presumably) can be found. To this I would resoundingly answer "No". That is, it's a fatuous and misleading claim that there is such a thing as an ideal partner, and it's very unlikely to find even within finite time even a close approximation thereto.
In other words, I'm a strong advocate of "settling".
But the title of this thread is misleading. The OP isn't really asking a philosophical question of optimality in human mating, but a personal question, regarding whether his disadvantage can be successfully overcome. Of course, nobody can definitively answer this question other than the person himself. But my impression is that the ultimate answer depends on supply and demand. If the OP manages to surround himself with opportunities for meeting women, and further, if he is willing to "settle", then a favorable conclusion ought to be possible. And if not, not. How attractive we are to the opposite sex is not an absolute question, but a relative one, the relation being to our competition (other men) and the demand (the women).
OP is asking his question prematurely, though. He's still very much a work-in-progress. He's voluntarily homeless, he's working on a nursing degree, and he has depressive tendencies, low self-esteem and ruminates about a lot of negative things. He'll begin therapy shortly, which is a medium-to-long-term project. Until he resolves his issues, he won't find someone for a successful relationship. So he should give up for now, and work on getting through school, finding a good therapist to work with, and finding housing.
OP is asking his question prematurely, though. He's still very much a work-in-progress. He's voluntarily homeless, he's working on a nursing degree, and he has depressive tendencies, low self-esteem and ruminates about a lot of negative things. He'll begin therapy shortly, which is a medium-to-long-term project. Until he resolves his issues, he won't find someone for a successful relationship. So he should give up for now, and work on getting through school, finding a good therapist to work with, and finding housing.
I have a place but I can lose it if I not careful with my money. That makes it kinda hard to ask a woman out if one does not know if he will have a place next month.
I agree that you cannot be successful in a relationship until you are happy with yourself.
Until you are secure, doing well, and truly in a good place, you won't find love. I also think that you have to be truly happy even as a single person in order to find someone. I don't think you'll find someone if you are so desperate just to find someone to fill a position or an idea of something that you want.
I don't believe in the concept of "soul mates" or that "one person for everyone". But I do think you can find someone and be happy with yes. But not until you get your life and your self-esteem in order.
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