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I believe the OP said they've been together for several years already? Unless I'm getting mixed up with another thread.
That was just an example what another person said.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123
im sorry but none of that matters when you have been with someone for years. you are common law and it doesn't exempt you from having a family or children together.
it also doesn't exempt you from the law "taking things away" from you on the event of a break up. those things can all be disputed in court under common law principals
the emotion part is purely tied into you involvement with another person...something a paper doesn't make happen once it is signed
Doesn't mean you have to live together oe have children together. Quite the assumptions you are making to prove your weak argument.
If there are no kids and haven't been living together long enough to call it common law (states very) you owe each other nothing.
Even with kids and common law a divorce is still more difficult and another thing to add.
I believe the OP said they've been together for several years already? Unless I'm getting mixed up with another thread.
It's true. They've been together several years already. However, he hasn't considered marriage until recently. My advice is to give it another year to work out his feelings. Even though they've been together for years, the question of marrying this woman is new.
And even if it wasn't new it is a strong issue. He needs to work out his feelings first. People here have been bashing him but he's been honest: he's pointed out he agrees his anxiety over the age difference is trivial; he's pointed out he feels wanting to get a younger girl because his friends have young girlfriends is stupid; and he's praised her a lot. But he still has these negative feelings.
I don't feel it's right to bash him for his honesty. He's pointed out he has the bigger problem, not her. Marriage is a big step. He wants to get it right and make it last. He doesn't feel divorce is trivial. We shouldn't get mad at him for wanting to feel 100% sure he's made the right decision in her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rego00123
im sorry but none of that matters when you have been with someone for years. you are common law and it doesn't exempt you from having a family or children together.
it also doesn't exempt you from the law "taking things away" from you on the event of a break up. those things can all be disputed in court under common law principals
the emotion part is purely tied into you involvement with another person...something a paper doesn't make happen once it is signed
You're on your own, pal. No one really agrees with you. Obviously not, Houston-dan. Obviously not the OP, either.
1. Our sex life is incredible. She pleases me in every way imaginable, and I like to reciprocate. She always had a very high libido, and I find it difficult at times to keep up with her.
2.She also has a very positive body image since she exercises regularly and eats very healthily. She never smoked, did drugs, or drank alcohol (I used to do all of those things frequently) so perhaps that's why she looks a lot younger than she is.
3. She also views sex as something enjoyable. She views it as something to please her man, and to please her. Our sex life really is incredible, and I would say better than 95% of other couples out there.
4. She dresses very well and promiscuously. She likes to show off her body, and I'm fine with that. She also wears some light make up when we're going out.
5. Again, she has a very regimented workout routine, and eats very healthily. Her mother and siblings are very fit, so I'm sure both genetics and the way she was raised allows her to stay very fit.
I agree that it was a bit strange for her to refrain from dating, but her father is a bit of a tyrant and made things very difficult for her. She is now far more independent than before. She has a PhD and has a very good career. She also likes to express herself a lot more, and likes to voice her opinion. She only remained immature in terms of her character and interests, but again, I find that endearing. Also, the reason why she decided to date me was that she thought I was worth the trouble she'd get in for her father. She has been approached by many guys before meeting me, and even currently...but she just wasn't interested in them, and didn't think her father would approve of them. I am in very good terms with her parents now, and her father treats me as his son.
Marriage is a huge decision, and I think I'm creating problems that don't exist. It's just that I see all of my friends and most are dating girls younger than them, or their age, and I can't help but think that I'm doing something against the grain. I'm also afraid that our best years are coming to an end...While she is still very young, what would happen in a few more years when we settle down and get kids? I'm scared of her losing her youthfulness and her bubbly character, which is what made me fall in love with her in the first place...
....and you bring what to the table???? Just curious.
LAST BUT BY NO MEANS LEAST: Have you noticed that you listed her sex drive/sexuality TWICE in your post? You also listed twice that she works out and takes care of herself. You'd be a fool to pass up this opportunity. Most guys would kill for a woman like that. It really doesn't speak well of you that you're even considering skipping out on this LTR/marriage. But if you do walk, be assured that some other insanely lucky guy will scoop her up and will thank his lucky stars that you threw her away.
yep, she's a keeper.
if it doesn't work out for OP and he is looking for someone to console her, send me a DM
She won't wait that long. Women expect a proposal at about this time, 1.5 years, and if it does not come they take it as a sign that they should move on.
Agree. If you've been with someone for that long & they STILL are not sure, despite knowing you well, being intimate with you, observing you in many situations, etc, then they likely never will be sure. This, to me, means they do not value or trust me enough to give me a commitment, and this would be insulting tome after such a time period. I would move on to find someone who can value & trust me enough in a reasonable time period instead of holding such trust & value out as mirages to keep leading me on.
The problem is their doubting the plethora of information they have, not about not having enough information. Time is not going to solve the doubting, but likely it will increase it as they will not be working on it, but instead looking for the non-existent signs of total sureness. The doubting is their insecurity & their need for the future to be extremely predictable & controlled in a way that is possible.
Considering age is such a big deal here & there is so much social value attached to a woman's youth, the OP's girlfriend would not be faulty in wanting commitment sooner than later because she is only going to get older. This is especially true if she wants kids. If someone keeps wanting to wait, wait, wait, then they are not being sensitive to your needs & goals either.
Agree. If you've been with someone for that long & they STILL are not sure, despite knowing you well, being intimate with you, observing you in many situations, etc, then they likely never will be sure. This, to me, means they do not value or trust me enough to give me a commitment, and this would be insulting tome after such a time period. I would move on to find someone who can value & trust me enough in a reasonable time period instead of holding such trust & value out as mirages to keep leading me on.
The problem is their doubting the plethora of information they have, not about not having enough information. Time is not going to solve the doubting, but likely it will increase it as they will not be working on it, but instead looking for the non-existent signs of total sureness. The doubting is their insecurity & their need for the future to be extremely predictable & controlled in a way that is possible.
Considering age is such a big deal here & there is so much social value attached to a woman's youth, the OP's girlfriend would not be faulty in wanting commitment sooner than later because she is only going to get older. This is especially true if she wants kids. If someone keeps wanting to wait, wait, wait, then they are not being sensitive to your needs & goals either.
Women have a need to be in a relationship with a lover, family member, or animal (cat or dog). They don't like to be alone. So they rationalize that a man who wants to wait doesn't love her. They fear being a "forever girlfriend" because it feels like permanently working temp. They don't realize men aren't in a rush to get married because men don't have such a strong need to be in a relationship. Men want to be hundred percent sure the person they are marrying is worth it. Men dislike divorce. It's like getting laid off from a career. So a man must be a hundred percent sure they get a woman where the situation will be for the best.
If you snooze, you lose. Hubby and I had a family member waiting too long for a proposal. Then, in the blink of an eye, another gentleman began talking to her. The long-time boyfriend soon realized his error in waiting to propose. It was too late. The new man stepped in and the first boyfriend soon enough found himself without a girlfriend. The new couple was engaged in about six months. That was 25 years ago, they are still happily married . Your girlfriend sounds like a bright, energetic, and attractive person. What are you waiting for? The previous posters are right. Age difference matters less and less as you age. Either you want her or you do not. Make a choice!!!!
....and you bring what to the table???? Just curious.
Exactly! OP, if you love her and she's so right for you, what's the deal? This sounds so petty! Are you really holding out for better?!
Either you are letting peer pressure get you, or you are making an excuse.
Or maybe you just aren't ready? I can't quite figure it out.
Or maybe you are like a lot of men on here, "Oh no what if she gains 5 lbs over time and no longer looks like some hot magazine model, oh the horror!" expecting her to meet some unrealistic expectation.
I say get over it. You could get with a 20 year old and she could go down hill just as bad. Your excuses sound superficial.
As for the others who say she will need marriage quicker, I think it's unfair of people to put some specific timeline on a person they don't even know. While I do agree women tend to want marriage, babies, etc after a certain time, you can't just assume every woman everywhere will demand this specific scenario at a specific time or will just walk. Although, you'd be smart to consider it - I can't figure out why you'd want to risk letting this one go. Sheesh.
However, I'm one of these people that feel if you have to question it so much then - maybe there's your answer!?
Either you are letting peer pressure get you, or you are making an excuse.
And how is his peer pressure any different than those women who want to get married because their friends are getting married, or they see random women with babies and become jealous, or their family pressures them to settle down?
Many of who are desperate to get married end up resenting their husbands for not living up to their unrealistic fantasies.
Good. Any woman with that expectation should move on. With the divorce rates so high and how people are taking longer to get established career wise and financially it makes sense TO wait. I have been with my girlfriend over a year. She very well knows that I have no desire to get married for a few years and a kid a few years later. She's fine with that. I have goals I'd like to achieve first and I'm not getting married twice, period. Maybe people should wait longer and the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.
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how old are you if you don't mind my asking?
I feel the same way as you do and i've been with my gf for about 1 year and a half. But i'm 30 plus, but under 35. I'm thinking times a ticking on me having FAMILY.
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Just curious.
expecting her to meet some unrealistic expectation.
