who wears the pants in your relationship, and how old are you? (marriage, women)
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I couldn't tell you, but they're usually in a bad mood. It's not like I don't know guys that are jerks to their wives as well, but for the most part the majority of the guys I know are always in the doghouse.
That's crap!
They are in a "dog house" cause they WANT to be. I assure you she doesn't make him.
OP, you aren't understanding because you're not there. Those guys probably don't want to be bothered with some of the decision making and follow through that a family needs to do. So they have input but ultimately take a backseat on purpose so that their lives are easier, which makes it seem like the wife calls the shots. I guess in those cases, she actually does call the shots, but there is a huge load of responsibility in that that the husbands would rather not take on.
Think of it like this - a business owner who is always on, alsways has to think abotu the good of his/her employees and how to make things better and grow, etc. Vs. a worker who's responsibility is to come to work, do his/her job, and go home at the end of the day. It's much easier and less stressfull to be a simple worker. I'm sure if the husband wanted to step up and take on more responsibility the wife would be more than happy to let it go. But he doesn't, and the wife has expectations and if the husband doesn't fullfill them, he gets in trouble. So step up or take it - that's how it works today.
I personally am wishy washy about it. I want to simplify my life so sometimes I take it, but I also can only take so much and when I reach my limit I step up and take on responsibility.
Meh, I think a lot of these guys would find themselves single if they retaliated. I since they're more stuck than anything because of their kids.
I think it's telling that you think stepping up in a relationship means retaliation of some sort. If these guys were good communicators and did what needs to be done in their relationships, retaliation wouldn't be necessary. It's that stereotype that women are all nags. If the guy has responsibilities and he hasn't taken care of them, asking him about it isn't nagging.
OP, you aren't understanding because you're not there. Those guys probably don't want to be bothered with some of the decision making and follow through that a family needs to do. So they have input but ultimately take a backseat on purpose so that their lives are easier, which makes it seem like the wife calls the shots. I guess in those cases, she actually does call the shots, but there is a huge load of responsibility in that that the husbands would rather not take on.
Think of it like this - a business owner who is always on, alsways has to think abotu the good of his/her employees and how to make things better and grow, etc. Vs. a worker who's responsibility is to come to work, do his/her job, and go home at the end of the day. It's much easier and less stressfull to be a simple worker. I'm sure if the husband wanted to step up and take on more responsibility the wife would be more than happy to let it go. But he doesn't, and the wife has expectations and if the husband doesn't fullfill them, he gets in trouble. So step up or take it - that's how it works today.
I personally am wishy washy about it. I want to simplify my life so sometimes I take it, but I also can only take so much and when I reach my limit I step up and take on responsibility.
You make some good points! In a marriage, you should be pulling your own weight, you shouldn't need to be told by your spouse what you need to do. Your spouse is not your parent, and you are a grown adult that should be aware of and willing to do what it takes to contribute to the running of a marriage/household/family. Taking the easy way out and being lazy are not quality traits that contribute to a healthy relationship.
In my marriage, I did. The man I married couldn't make simple decisions. Even when I was upset at something he did, he literally, would stare at his shoes like a child. If I wanted to discuss something, he couldn't talk and if he did, all he knew how to do was get angry about other things (lashing out). He wasn't like this in the beginning, but I suppose my strong personality wore his weak one down (it had nothing to do with controlling him). And well, it's why I left. I had no respect for him as a man. He wasn't a man. He was a weak, pathetic, being (I wouldn't say a child, but some kids have bigger you know what than he did).
And sadly, when I see men in situations like that, I just think they're weak. It's one thing not to rock the boat, but it's another to take that kind of disrespect. Yes, after awhile, I was disrespectful. Did I care? Nope, because he was weak and I was tired of having to mother him and do everything. It was pathetic.
I've never met nor been with anyone like that before. Age really doesn't matter. I think it's all about personality and what they're willing to do to "keep the peace". Some men are fine being a doormat and being walked all over to keep their family together. Some aren't.
Obviously, I will never be with someone so weak again. I need me a man. A real man. A man who will stand up for himself. Oh wait. I did meet that man. It's nice not having to think for someone else, because he can do it himself. Yay.
I think it's telling that you think stepping up in a relationship means retaliation of some sort. If these guys were good communicators and did what needs to be done in their relationships, retaliation wouldn't be necessary. It's that stereotype that women are all nags. If the guy has responsibilities and he hasn't taken care of them, asking him about it isn't nagging.
I have 'stepped up' three times in the last 12-ish months, and I've become single each time.
It wasn't about nagging, it was about me doing what is best for me at the time. And all three times, the other person felt that their needs were being neglected. Me not bein a doormat has basically ended those 3 relatitionships. I don't regret stepping up any of those times.
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In a marriage, you should be pulling your own weight, you shouldn't need to be told by your spouse what you need to do. Your spouse is not your parent, and you are a grown adult that should be aware of and willing to do what it takes to contribute to the running of a marriage/household/family. Taking the easy way out and being lazy are not quality traits that contribute to a healthy relationship.
