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I would love to hear reactions from both men and women on my situation. I will try to keep it short and sweet, here goes....
My bf and I recently decided to break up and look for other people. He told me all along that I was not the one for him long term, and so I never really considered him as a long term option and did not expect that from our relationship. As far as I was concerned, we had fun together, got along great and just enjoyed each others company for the time we were going to be together.
After about three weeks of looking to date others, he told me that he wants to get back together with me BUT he really wants the person he is with to be a "hard body" (news to me!) and so he wants me to lose weight and get in shape. After my initial reaction (which you can probably imagine was not good!), he then kind of changed his thought and said that he really loves me and wants to be with me even if I don't change and wants to be back in the relationship with both feet and sees a future for us.
Now, I'm certainly not in shape but I'm not overweight either. I am 43, have had 3 kids. I'm 5'4", 140 and a size 6/8. I would like to lose a few and being in better shape is not a bad thing but he has made me feel extremely insecure and I can't imagine believing he would be happy with me now and I can't imagine being sexually comfortable with him or believing he's attracted to me after knowing what he wants.
I guess my question is this for the women--Could you ever forget he said that and be with him again knowing you weren't what he really wants?
And for the men--would you ever truly be happy with someone who wasn't your physical ideal if you had such a strong desire for something your gf wasn't?
I have so many conflicting feelings on this situation. Up until this point everything else was good, or so I thought!
Anyone I've talked to about this says I should say good riddance. Thoughts?
As soon as you said "he told me all along I am not the one for him long term" I wondered what physical aspect of you he felt was lacking. How old is this guy? He have kids?
Sorry. I would really love to have thought he ran deep and maybe it was spiritual or emotional based....but then I played the odds, and yes he fell in with the other vast majority of men walking the planet. He wants a hotter package.
Get in shape. You should anyway. And then upgrade.
he loves you but you know guys are visual. his mistake was probably saying what most men think. it was just hard for you to hear, especially since most women have insecurities with body image, and know it's a big deal to most guys.
i remember saying something related to my ex-fiance and she started hitting the guy while i was away on military duty for a year. when she visited she was looking great. then i got home and she said "i can't do this any more, too much pressure" and i said "what are you talking about, i never told you to workout like crazy, i thought you were doing it to look your best in your wedding dress???" we got over it and we broke up for other reasons. but lesson learned, best not to talk about a woman's weight because you will always be the jerk. so much for honesty.
and yeah, very few men want their wife to be "out of shape", causes wondering eyes too.
This is that thing where there are good things and bad things about the relationship and you are so dependent on the good things, that you overlook the bad things, as much as they hurt. It is bittersweet to you, to put it lightly. You can continue on like this forever with no change, but it won't get better. It's not love and something has to give. I suggest leaving him if he won't leave you.
"Anyone I've talked to about this says I should say good riddance. Thoughts?"
Yes, tell him to to go **** himself! I agree with everyone you've talked to.
Please, do not stoop to needing a man who holds you in such low regard. Do not teach your children to settle for someone that does not love you to the fullest degree. Do not settle for a man that doesn't accept you as you currently are. Please, take your dignity and and run, don't walk, AWAY from this clown.
As soon as you said "he told me all along I am not the one for him long term" I wondered what physical aspect of you he felt was lacking. How old is this guy? He have kids?
Sorry. I would really love to have thought he ran deep and maybe it was spiritual or emotional based....but then I played the odds, and yes he fell in with the other vast majority of men walking the planet. He wants a hotter package.
Get in shape. You should anyway. And then upgrade.
He's 46 and has a son. And for what it's worth--he's thin and athletic but not exactly all cut and toned himself.
"Anyone I've talked to about this says I should say good riddance. Thoughts?"
Yes, tell him to to go **** himself! I agree with everyone you've talked to.
Please, do not stoop to needing a man who holds you in such low regard. Do not teach your children to settle for someone that does not love you to the fullest degree. Do not settle for a man that doesn't accept you as you currently are. Please, take your dignity and and run, don't walk, AWAY from this clown.
Yes--my thoughts too. Thanks.
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