Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I would love to hear reactions from both men and women on my situation. I will try to keep it short and sweet, here goes....
My bf and I recently decided to break up and look for other people. He told me all along that I was not the one for him long term, and so I never really considered him as a long term option and did not expect that from our relationship. As far as I was concerned, we had fun together, got along great and just enjoyed each others company for the time we were going to be together.
After about three weeks of looking to date others, he told me that he wants to get back together with me BUT he really wants the person he is with to be a "hard body" (news to me!) and so he wants me to lose weight and get in shape. After my initial reaction (which you can probably imagine was not good!), he then kind of changed his thought and said that he really loves me and wants to be with me even if I don't change and wants to be back in the relationship with both feet and sees a future for us.
Now, I'm certainly not in shape but I'm not overweight either. I am 43, have had 3 kids. I'm 5'4", 140 anda size 6/8. I would like to lose a few and being in better shape is not a bad thing but he has made me feel extremely insecure and I can't imagine believing he would be happy with me now and I can't imagine being sexually comfortable with him or believing he's attracted to me after knowing what he wants.
I guess my question is this for the women--Could you ever forget he said that and be with him again knowing you weren't what he really wants?
And for the men--would you ever truly be happy with someone who wasn't your physical ideal if you had such a strong desire for something your gf wasn't?
I have so many conflicting feelings on this situation. Up until this point everything else was good, or so I thought!
Anyone I've talked to about this says I should say good riddance. Thoughts?
Get a new man.....that's my sister....so I KNOW what that looks like.
I guess my question is this for the women--Could you ever forget he said that and be with him again knowing you weren't what he really wants?
My wife would never forget what he said. In fact, I still have to explain something I said years ago that she took out of context, putting it back into context every time it comes up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redallen
And for the men--would you ever truly be happy with someone who wasn't your physical ideal if you had such a strong desire for something your gf wasn't?
Yes, but I would never say what your "hopefully ex-bf," said. Of course, I'd like my wife to lose weight if nothing else for her health, but I'd never harp on it especially as I need to lose weight too. So, you love who you love. Physical aspects are just a small part of the whole person you love. The fact that he wanted you to change just shows it's more important to him than the other parts of your relationship.
No. He wants you, but he wants you to his specifications. We should never go into a relationship trying to change a person, or make and mold them into who we would like them to be.
So he likes this part of you and not that, if you do this then blah blah.
No.
We do not change people. If a person needs to change, they need to realize and decide that for themselves.
You will never be good enough for this man, while truly, you are probably too good for him.
Thank you! :-) These are the kind of responses I need.
What is wrong with telling him to hit the bricks as I stated.
Everything that has been said to you is rather obvious..... my post just cut to the chase.....
Fewer words to get to the point is how I like to roll....
Well of course she should do that! She just needs to know that it is not ok for him to want to change her. Ok, we can be together but you have to do x,y, and z.
It goes both ways, a woman should not want to change a man either. If you are not accepting of the person as they are, you should just not be together.
You can go on to make a decision to change something about yourself, but do it because you think you need the change for your health or for whatever reason. Not because someone else tells you to.
I would love to hear reactions from both men and women on my situation. I will try to keep it short and sweet, here goes....
My bf and I recently decided to break up and look for other people. He told me all along that I was not the one for him long term, and so I never really considered him as a long term option and did not expect that from our relationship. As far as I was concerned, we had fun together, got along great and just enjoyed each others company for the time we were going to be together.
You two broke up and he thought he could find himself a hard body.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redallen
After about three weeks of looking to date others, he told me that he wants to get back together with me BUT he really wants the person he is with to be a "hard body" (news to me!) and so he wants me to lose weight and get in shape. After my initial reaction (which you can probably imagine was not good!), he then kind of changed his thought and said that he really loves me and wants to be with me even if I don't change and wants to be back in the relationship with both feet and sees a future for us.
It didn't work out as he thought and thinks he can get back with you and have you conform to his image of a girlfriend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redallen
Now, I'm certainly not in shape but I'm not overweight either. I am 43, have had 3 kids. I'm 5'4", 140 and a size 6/8. I would like to lose a few and being in better shape is not a bad thing but he has made me feel extremely insecure and I can't imagine believing he would be happy with me now and I can't imagine being sexually comfortable with him or believing he's attracted to me after knowing what he wants.
I guess my question is this for the women--Could you ever forget he said that and be with him again knowing you weren't what he really wants?
And for the men--would you ever truly be happy with someone who wasn't your physical ideal if you had such a strong desire for something your gf wasn't?
I have so many conflicting feelings on this situation. Up until this point everything else was good, or so I thought!
Anyone I've talked to about this says I should say good riddance. Thoughts?
Bottom line is if he his hung up on your physical appearance he won't ever get beyond that. I had a friend who essentially divorced his wife because she gained weight. He said you were not long term material, take his word at it and split.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
