boyfriend of 13 months still hasn't said "i love you" (wife, women)
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There are two possibilities. Either he doesn't say it because he doesn't love you and doesn't want to lie to you. Or he doesn't say it because he is one of those men who can not express his emotions in words (and that is not uncommon).
Whichever it is, you absolutely must stop nagging him about it. No more asking, if you are planning on staying together. I mean it; bite your lip and shut up about it.
You have met his family and been on family vacations. That is 100% proof that he cares about you and your relationship. Men don't take casual dates on family vacations. Men don't introduce meaningless women to their family. They just don't.
If your issue is that your biological clock is ticking and you really need to get married and start a family, then I suggest that you sit him down and have "The Talk". He won't be happy about it, but you need to know if the relationship is headed that direction or if you need to go back out and hunt for another man who wants a family.
If you have The Talk, be prepared to act on it. If he doesn't want to get married and have kids, and you must have that, it means you must leave him and move on.
One option, if he doesn't want to get married is to have a child with him out of wedlock. With his consent, of course, not as a trick. I don't recommend it, but it is always something that could be done.
For some people, 'love' refers to a feeling. For other people, it means a very specific form of commitment -- 'I will have your back for the rest of your life', for example. And some people don't believe it means anything, really.
If two people mean different things by the words, his can lead to some very sad and unnecessary miscommunications. So, ask him.
And then ask yourself if you can live with his answer. If he is happy to marry you and have kids together, but does not want to use this phrase, is that dealbreaker? Or, is he willing to say it once he knows what the words mean to you, and that you are not his mom?
Putting a time limit on someone's personal experiences is really easy way to lose someone. People love each other and commit themselves to one another in different ways. From the way you write, it sounds like you're not looking to be committed with someone, you're just on some deadline to get married, have kids, and do the usual thing. And hey, most people are. But it's obvious from his actions AND words that he really likes you and is committed to being a great boyfriend to you. You're both just on different levels.
Going "crazy" and "checking in" with him will inevitably make him very tired of you, because you will seem both desperate and unwilling to compromise your beliefs. And likely, he will not compromise with yours either after this long time.
Miss Doormat, 13 months and still no love words?? You are to blame for sticking around.
I don't think she's a doormat. He hasn't said the L word, but neither has she.
I think the OP needs to worry less about how he might have felt with old girlfriends versus what is going on in their relationships now. And if she loves him, she should say it to him, instead of holding back based on how she thinks he might react. If you can't be honest about your feelings, that's not a good foundation for a relationship.
He is definitley a committment phobic. We dated for 4 months before I got him into an official boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Again, I believe that has a lot to do with his parents divorce. It's a whole different can of worms but he isn't sure he wants to ever get married and that is entirely because he is afraid that it'll just end up in a messy divorce. I'm not dead set on marriage myself, I just figured we'd cross that bridge when we came to it. Anyways, I kind of have low self esteem and it's taken a lot of convinicing for me to believe he cares for me. For the longest time I just thought he saw me as a friend even when we were exclusively dating. This part of me annoys him to no end. The fact that I have emotional baggage and have often required proof of his feelings for me. I feel like I had to wear him down for a while and bring up boyfriend/girlfriend thing a few times before he agreed that we should make it official. I had to give him an ultimatum and tell him I was gonna go back to dating other guys and he'd go from seeing me 3-4x a week to just once. His lame excuse was that it's just a title, that was the only thing missing from our relationship but he did go for it. Since then I've given him plenty of chances to back out of our relationship. We've had one other issue which has led me to say "do you think we should break up?" and his answer has always been whole heartedly no. He's definitley not a player. I'm his third girlfriend and he's slept with 5 women including myself. He's a good, sometimes quiet, nerdy type of guy who has never been interested in playing women, one night stands etc.
Thanks for the book recommendations. I'm all about self-help in the romance department books!
Whichever it is, you absolutely must stop nagging him about it. No more asking, if you are planning on staying together. I mean it; bite your lip and shut up about it.
Excellent advice. I can feel your anxiety coming through my computer. You are pushing, which is useless as well as unbecoming. I think if you haven't verbally expressed your love for each other after 13 months, it isn't going to happen.
Some people show their love with action not words...
I'm as pragmatic as they come (to a fault really). But even I understand the need to say and hear the words "I love you" between significant others. Thirteen months is a long time to "date" someone and not say I love you. If you really don't love the person, then don't say it. But if you don't love that person why hang around for a year? And if you do love them fess up and declare it.
Yes, we men often express our emotions with action. However, part of being in a healthy relationship is understand that the other person may need actual words sometimes. Action speaks louder than words. But words still speak.
Some people show their love with action not words...
True as it may be, if you know it is important for someone you love to hear the words you give them the words once in a while. We're not talking about a guy who seldom says it but one who never has.
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