This is What I Get For Being Honest? (wife, married, women)
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Hopefully this is short and sweet. I have been married for 24 years. My wife is a Sr. V.P. in the company she has worked for since 2000. Lately she has noticed a change in her boss and there seems to be a power struggle behind the scenes to gain more power between the other Sr. V.P.'s in the company. She sensed the writing on the wall and has since put out her resume to start to look elsewhere just in case. In having an honest discussion with her I said that I had no problem covering the financial aspect of her possibly being out of work for as long as it took, but emotionally I don't know what to do. What I meant by that statement was that I felt that no matter what I would try to say or do I will get the "You were not there from me when I needed you the most" woman who cried wolf statement. I say this because in the past when we have gone through difficult times and I've been there for her she manages to find one (very small or insignificant event) that occurred where I didn't do something EXACTLY the way she wanted me to do it. Now mind you this is AFTER she has told me I WAS supportive during that difficult time (usually when things are going ok). I usually get the criticism when she's upset, and that praise for being supportive turns into I left her out in the cold when she needed me the most. So in predicting that this might happen in this situation I had this honest discussion with her and now she feels like SURPRISE if she loses her job she is on her own emotionally. I feel damned if I do and damned if I don't.
You really didn't think about what you said. Let me lay it out for you:
1) She is dealing with major uncertainty in her professional life.
2) When she came to you with this problem, she wanted your support, come what may. That's it. Instead of being her rock at a very stressful time, you kicked the props out from under her assumption that, at the very least, you two are a team. Rather than simply saying, "Sweetie, I've got your back and we'll get through this," you decided to dredge up some old grievance. Trust me. That's something she just didn't need to hear.
If this is typical of how you handled matters, I'm thinking that there's likely merit to her past beefs with you. You just don't seem to be perceptive enough to realize it.
In having an honest discussion with her I said that I had no problem covering the financial aspect of her possibly being out of work for as long as it took, but emotionally I don't know what to do.
being honest is one thing, being forthright about criticisms of her (at a very bad time) is another.
plus, having her husband (who is a grown ass man) say "emotionally I don't know what to do" has to be embarrassing for her.
Does she have abandonment issues or issues in the past where her parents might not have supported her? It sounds very much like there's some baggage there. Is there an income disparity there? In households where women make more, there is a tendency for the relationship to end. That's usually brought about by the female partner. Have you two tried some therapy.
You shouldn't be cast out for expressing how you feel. There are some issues going on there that you both have to deal with though I'd wait until the job situation is sorted out.
You shouldn't be cast out for expressing how you feel.
what should happen is irrelevant. we don't live in a perfect world. we live in a world where men are expected to act a certain way, and there are negative consequences if we don't.
refraining from criticizing your wife when she's looking for help , for instance, is a pretty basic expectation.
You shouldn't be cast out for expressing how you feel. There are some issues going on there that you both have to deal with though I'd wait until the job situation is sorted out.
Hey, I'm all about honesty and communication, so I would agree with you. But there is a time and a place for those kind of discussions. Introducing this kind of discussion when she's already redlining about losing her high-profile job is absolutely, positively, without a shadow of a doubt not one of those times.
Timing is everything. The OP just seems to have a lousy sense of it.
Hey, I'm all about honesty and communication, so I would agree with you. But there is a time and a place for those kind of discussions. Introducing this kind of discussion when she's already redlining about losing her high-profile job is absolutely, positively, without a shadow of a doubt not one of those times.
Timing is everything. The OP just seems to have a lousy sense of it.
^^This.
He took her situation and feelings and made it about his own feelings. That's not the way to be supportive.
I disagree with the others OP. You did the right thing by being honest. You truly felt skeptical about helping her. Why lie or pretend as if you don't? You've been burned in the past by her behavior. That's why you brought it up. If you can't bring it up now, when can you bring it up?
There's no way to fix it. It sounds like this woman is the type who doesn't like to claim responsibility for her own actions. No wonder she's losing her job. If she was a good worker then she wouldn't lose her job so easily.
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