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But you miss my point. After a bout or two of riding the baloney pony, somebody is going to get attached some way. It's almost inescapable. So that girl that you hooked up with three or four times last month when you both had nothing better to do last month starts texting you and asking, "Why didn't you call me this weekend? What's up?" It happens. All. The. Time.
Just the opposite, you seem to have missed my point and the point of the articles I listed. If these women are texting you, then maybe you guys were not clear and direct with another about expectations. It still doesn't mean they "love" you, are emotionally attached, or want a long term relationship. Maybe they want more sex? Understandably, women have a lot of safety concerns and, in part due to that, don't want to sleep with just "anybody,"so perhaps you passed the safety test.
But you miss my point. After a bout or two of riding the baloney pony, somebody is going to get attached some way. It's almost inescapable. So that girl that you hooked up with three or four times last month when you both had nothing better to do last month starts texting you and asking, "Why didn't you call me this weekend? What's up?" It happens. All. The. Time.
I didn't track back to see where/why the above originated. However, if we were both honest at the beginning that there were limits to the arrangement, then honesty is still the way to handle it. I would also point out that men sometimes also develop feelings for someone in FWB relationships. If the original good reasons for not making it a "regular" dating relationship exist, they can't honestly expect things to change - only end because it's gone beyond the agreement.
Anyway, there's no difference really between your scenario and regular dating - very often dating relationships fail after a month or so, even though there may have been real expectations from the beginning, unlike FWB where you know where you stand (even if you don't want to accept it - but that's on the person who loses sight of the intent to handle).
I've also been in a number of FWB relationships, some lasting several years, where neither of us ever expected or wanted more. Most ended because one of us (usually her) finally met someone with whom they wanted to pursue a romantic relationship. I've been happy for them, and so far in all such cases have remained friends with them at a purely platonic level.
It might be because they enjoy sex and don't see you (not to imply there is anything wrong with you, but for whatever reason) as potential marriage material. Maybe they just have no interest in getting married anytime soon, or ever.
This has been going on for ages; and with financial independence, less pressure to marry early, and advances in birth control, they may feel freer to act upon their very natural sexual impulses without fears of being stuck with someone they would rather not stay with.
"The underlying taboo here is no longer young women having sex, which the culture at large has come to terms with, but young women actively, consciously, seeking out sex without love; it is the cool, calculating search for sexual encounters, without even a secret hope or desire for emotional entanglement which still shocks."
Here's another thing that is rarely addressed, with reproductive freedom, women are less concerned about the possibility of their kid inheriting "bad genes" ("Ew, I don't want something like that to father my child") and may be more relaxed about whose company ( bad boys, poor boys, marginally good looking boys, not-so-bright boys, druggies and players) they will enjoy; knowing full well they would never marry him.
They still seek to marry "desirable" types and they want their children fathered by them.
Actually, I'm a guy, one with a 450-hp libido, one who has been around the block a few times. But only an idiot goes around and sleeps with just anybody. Because there is no such thing as no-strings sex. It's an illusion that is accepted by really stupid people who think with their little heads. After a couple of rolls in the hay, someone always gets emotionally attached. Sure, they might claim that it's no big deal, but it always happens. And, no matter what anyone says, there's no such thing as 100% effective birth control.
As somebody who has two male family members and several friends whose lives were completely, utterly derailed by some one-night stand ringing them up and saying, "Well, I'm pregnant," I can tell you the consequences are not worth it. I mean, hey, if scribbling out twenty-two years of child support checks to a woman you barely knew is your idea of fun, then go for it. That way, you'll serve as a warning to others.
Your saying all kinds of reasons NOT to have FWB, while naming all kinds of reasons TO do it!
With my friend, I knew she REALLY didn't want kids, and that while I wasn't "in love" with her... Worst case, I could put up and get along with her for 18 years!!!
But you miss my point. After a bout or two of riding the baloney pony, somebody is going to get attached some way. It's almost inescapable. So that girl that you hooked up with three or four times last month when you both had nothing better to do last month starts texting you and asking, "Why didn't you call me this weekend? What's up?" It happens. All. The. Time.
so what are you suggesting people do in order to have sex?
Oy very. Sometime I wonder why I still read these threads.
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