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It seems that in a lot of relationships, the woman plays the role of the mother, or the big sister, and constantly acts like she's more mature, and often nags her husband/boyfriend/partner, sometimes treating him like a big kid/boy. Countless sitcoms/folk tales/stereotypes from various cultures seem to back this up.
Is this a typical trend, do most women tend to nag sometimes, or is it a sizeable minority?
I know some husbands exasperate their wives, but I think some women take it too far, having to take issue with everyone and just not being chill enough. Like somewhere between totally anal and a drug addict slob or something.
I think the whole concept of "nagging" is gender stereotype. Men also hassle and pressure their significant others various ways. But there is no special word to describe this behavior when men do it.
I try not to. A lot of things never get done around the house because of this ongoing experiment.
Example: he took the closet doors off so he could have the trim painted. He was going to hire a painter. A year and a half later, the doors were still off. He finally put them back but the trim never got painted. The hardware got lost on one, so it's still leaning against the wall.
He bought and cut the lumber to build book cases. He worked for weeks and then stopped. Still no book cases. Same with the back bathroom. Still not finished; neither are the front porch/living room lights fixed.
The washing machine squeaks. I've asked him on several occasions to call his "friend" the repairman to fix it. He got prickly with me, so I just let it squeak.
If he leaves the milk on the counter and does not put it away, I keep my mouth shut. It is often there when I get home from work. (We have our own containers, because he likes half & half and I use whole in my coffee)
My mom and aunt would both be on their husbands nonstop and things would get finished. They're both SAHMs.
I just go to work and leave it all behind.
Oh Ellie, I feel annoyed on your behalf... When his half and half goes bad after the whole day on the counter, does he expect you to go grocery shopping? I'd think if he has to go get a new one every time he does this, he would learn to put it back in the fridge.
I think the whole concept of "nagging" is gender stereotype. Men also hassle and pressure their significant others various ways. But there is no special word to describe this behavior when men do it.
Good point. Ex-husband was like this -- everything I did was wrong. When I made the bed, it was "wrong" because I didn't do "hospital corners." I folded his clothes "wrong". I bought the "wrong" things at the grocery store, and heaven help me if I bought something that wasn't on the pre-printed list of items to buy or stored the food in the "wrong" place.
It was pure insanity.
I make it a point not to nag. I wouldn't want someone to do it to me, so why should I do it to someone else? Golden Rule and all that good stuff. I'll ask one time, and if something doesn't get done, I just have to do it myself. Luckily, my Best Half is really on it. He doesn't give me any reason to "nag" him, even if I were thus inclined.
I know two couples where this is part of the MO. With one couple, whom I had known very well for seven years, her nagging became so constant when she reached her fifties....dinners at their home, holiday get togethers, dinners in restaurants, that I now refuse all invitations. And I told the wife why. With another couple, I rarely see them together, but when I do the nagging gets in the way, and I invent an excuse to depart.
On the other hand, I know of one man who verbally bullies his wife (they have a business together), and she appears to me to be totally undeserving of it. He simply as a giant-size ego, and he exercises it by treating her like a mental midget. Thus, I go out of my way to avoid him, and I only see her. I also only deal with their business when he is not there.
I have very strong opinions that both nagging and bullying, whatever role they play in your life as a couple, have no place in your social life. I think that behaviour is gross.
I try not to. A lot of things never get done around the house because of this ongoing experiment.
Example: he took the closet doors off so he could have the trim painted. He was going to hire a painter. A year and a half later, the doors were still off. He finally put them back but the trim never got painted. The hardware got lost on one, so it's still leaning against the wall.
He bought and cut the lumber to build book cases. He worked for weeks and then stopped. Still no book cases. Same with the back bathroom. Still not finished; neither are the front porch/living room lights fixed.
The washing machine squeaks. I've asked him on several occasions to call his "friend" the repairman to fix it. He got prickly with me, so I just let it squeak.
If he leaves the milk on the counter and does not put it away, I keep my mouth shut. It is often there when I get home from work. (We have our own containers, because he likes half & half and I use whole in my coffee)
My mom and aunt would both be on their husbands nonstop and things would get finished. They're both SAHMs.
I just go to work and leave it all behind.
I think there are women who are unrealistic and don't know when to let something go, but on the other hand, there are guys who like to play the "nag" card when they know they let something slide and the wife calls him on it. It wouldn't necessarily be nagging if ellie asked her husband, "hey, is your friend coming over to fix the washing machine, or should I call a repairman?"
I think there are women who are unrealistic and don't know when to let something go, but on the other hand, there are guys who like to play the "nag" card when they know they let something slide and the wife calls him on it. It wouldn't necessarily be nagging if ellie asked her husband, "hey, is your friend coming over to fix the washing machine, or should I call a repairman?"
Yeah, people definitely need to pick their battles. And you also have to be attuned to your spouse or S.O. If he (or she) is the type of person to procrastinate, don't take their word that they'll "fix" anything. Call a plumber, electrician, whoever, and just get it done.
It seems that in a lot of relationships, the woman plays the role of the mother, or the big sister, and constantly acts like she's more mature, and often nags her husband/boyfriend/partner, sometimes treating him like a big kid/boy. Countless sitcoms/folk tales/stereotypes from various cultures seem to back this up.
Is this a typical trend, do most women tend to nag sometimes, or is it a sizeable minority?
I know some husbands exasperate their wives, but I think some women take it too far, having to take issue with everyone and just not being chill enough. Like somewhere between totally anal and a drug addict slob or something.
I don't think it's a trend, nor do I think people are playing roles. Some women may be prone to nagging, but could be a personality trait. I also believe that some women may nag because they feel like they're not being heard, or feeling like the only adult in the relationship. I don't know of any woman who wants to be the parent of her husband. I think it ends up like that if she has a husband that isn't willing to step up and be a responsible adult/spouse/father, and is acting like a child.
I have no desire to parent my spouse, and in that respect, I have been fortunate. Both my ex-husband and fiance are responsible and don't need to be told to do anything, they know what needs to be done, and they do it. No power struggles, no gender divides over chores, no score-keeping over who did or didn't do what, or whose turn it was next.
As an adult, it's not about needing to be "chill", but about knowing when is time for work and when is time for play.
Gentlemen, if you don't like to be nagged, carry your share of the workload without being asked. Finish what you start.
And, sorry, but no matter how much you complain about it, it is always going to be the man's job to take the garbage out and put the toilet seat down. That's just the way the world works and you aren't going to change it. So just do it without being constantly reminded.
Husbands can be worse nags than wives. They nag about her weight, about her housekeeping. They want her to cook like their mother, complain when their suit isn't back from the cleaners, and take it out on their wife when they had a bad day at work.
It seems that in a lot of relationships, the woman plays the role of the mother, or the big sister, and constantly acts like she's more mature, and often nags her husband/boyfriend/partner, sometimes treating him like a big kid/boy. Countless sitcoms/folk tales/stereotypes from various cultures seem to back this up.
Is this a typical trend, do most women tend to nag sometimes, or is it a sizeable minority?
I know some husbands exasperate their wives, but I think some women take it too far, having to take issue with everyone and just not being chill enough. Like somewhere between totally anal and a drug addict slob or something.
Not IME.
My s/o's weren't really nag's. But that kind of personality is a huge turn off for me. The closest I came to such a relationship was dating someone for a few months that started trying to tell me how to dress, what color shirt to wear for x event, and so on. I think she was a nice person, but she probably came from a family in which her mom ruled the house. But I never met her P's. Who knows.
I think the TV sitcoms overdramatize that kind of stuff. It's more for comic relief.
There may be couples out there like that, but as I said, that is one aspect of a relationship I can't handle. IMO it is basically the MOST unattractive trait someone I date can have.
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