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It will get better... seriously. But please know that nursing an infant or toddler is demanding and women often get "touched out" by the end of the day. It sucks being pawed at relentlessly all day and then knowing that someone else is waiting in line to get a piece, ready to give you attitude, when all you want to do is just have some alone time. Sometimes, you just don't want to cuddle anymore!
The demands of motherhood when you have a young child who needs you for literally everything, added to the demands of marriage when your husband doesn't get that there is only so much of you to go around during this short phase of life... It's just very hard mentally. You have to always weigh your child's needs against your husband's wants... and your own wants and needs rarely come into play.
I so agree with this. At the end of the day all I want is just not to be touched anymore. At all. For any reason. I feel bad because I know my husband is lonely and misses me, but emotionally and physically I feel kind of used up by my son. I wish my husband could just sit down and watch TV with me or do something with me that equates to some quiet time. I can't help how I feel, and he doesn't understand. I want to spend time with someone who isn't grabbing at me and trying to get something from me. It's a huge issue right now because he's angry at me all the time and I feel guilty all the time, but I can't work up the emotional and physical energy to give him what he wants.
I agree and I'm a male. Guess what, it's not all about "you" anymore. Now you have a completely new life completely dependent on you and your wife. Your wife still loves you, but she will always be attached to your child and her child in a way you can never imagine. Get used to it.
There is a great probability of wife' love fading away (50% divorce rates and significant % of loveless marriages) but she will love her son until her last breath. Men are sperm and money donors, they are 100% usable for breeding purposes and disposable, nothing personal. However, increasingly, women love themselves the most. Small (but ever increasing) % of women put themselves first always. At least TS wife is not like that. I know women you wouldn't breastfeed because it might make their breasts saggy. I seriously doubt they save their breasts for their current husbands' viewing pleasure. The best man can do is to find a woman who loves her children more than him.
Last edited by RememberMee; 09-14-2013 at 07:51 AM..
There is a great probability of wife' love fading away (50% divorce rates and significant % of loveless marriages) but she will love her son until her last breath. Men are sperm and money donors, they are 100% usable for breeding purposes and disposable, nothing personal. However, increasingly, women love themselves the most. Small (but ever increasing) % of women put themselves first always. At least TS wife is not like that.
What a sad attitude.
This is hopefully a temporary phase when wife is exhausted and like others have said- just can't stand the idea of one more being demanding something of her. a mature well adjusted man will understand but at the same time a mature well adjusted woman knows her man cannot read her mind so she needs to tell him exactly what is going on.
Why do you think i don't help my wife out in every way possible ?
I cook several times a week wash and iron clothes and take care of my son and my wife. All this while paying 100 percent of the bills . I make sure to let my wife know she’s appreciated. I buy her gifts . She does not take care of our son by herself.
I am not jealous of my son even though I do not get any attention from my wife.
Perhaps you didnt even read what I said. I never said you didnt help. I said to put yourself in your wifes shoes. She "works" all day long. From start of the day through sleep. She doesnt get to turn off being a mother.
Okay, first, I think you should be careful of falling into your friend's trap of accepting this as typical life with kids. Just because they choose porn and their wives choose to ignore them, does not mean you, as a couple, should resign yourselves to the inevitable path of falling out of love, future affairs, divorce, or whatever.
I have breastfed one kid and formula fed the other, and I have to say, that breastfeeding absolutely affected my hormones. Killed my sex drive. My formula baby was colic, my breastfed baby was easy, and I was much tired/no energy/no sex with the breasfed one.
Have you told her, flat out, that you feel that your marriage is going down the toilet and that you guys need to work on it? Because as much as babies love nursing and cosleeping, it's not worth putting before the marriage, because this kid is two. A newborn, sure, but this is not a baby anymore. Am I the only mom here (yes, my kids are young, 3 and under) who thinks it is unacceptable? A two year old is not a newborn, there is no reason she should be so drained (she is not working outside the house), that she cannot even sustain a dinner out with her husband. My kid's care always comes first, but that does not mean that I put my two year old's wants (not needs, wants) ahead of maintaining the marriage. I'm sure my kids would rather spend an hour with a babysitter than only seeing their dad on weekends due to divorce!!!
Men tend to become passive in this and turn to porn (as well as underestimate women's physical exhaustion), women tend to ignore men's need (not want, need) for sex and dismiss it as him being a pig. Men need to recognize a woman's exhaustion and women need to understand that men need sex. Without getting offended at each other
Marriage counselor William Harley has a book that is quite frank on staying in love as parents, I think it's worth reading. His Needs, Her Needs for Parents
This book focuses on putting the marriage before kids - and when you do, the children feel safe and secure in their home, and in turn, are better children for it. Good luck.
Why do you think i don't help my wife out in every way possible ?
I cook several times a week wash and iron clothes and take care of my son and my wife. All this while paying 100 percent of the bills . I make sure to let my wife know she’s appreciated. I buy her gifts . She does not take care of our son by herself.
I am not jealous of my son even though I do not get any attention from my wife.
She is definitely attached. Does she have a close girlfriend? Why don't you treat them both to a spa day and you stay with Jackson? Just even a couple of hours so she can used to being away.
She is having a hard time letting go. Little by little. Hang in there.
BTW, do you want more children?
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You sound like a great husband and dad
