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I'd want to know about the past simply for the reason of knowing what she is capable of. For example if she said that she and en ex used to regularly do things in public where they could get caught it would tell me that she had a wild streak and I'd be down to explore that with her. Perhaps she was a 3 input woman with past relationships....now you know what she's willing to try and do.
And how would it make you feel if she did those things, but didn't want to do them with you, because she's no longer into that?
I think that's another area that gets a raw deal. Just because you did something in the past, doesn't mean you want to repeat it (and that goes for men and women). And too many people, ASSUME that what was done in the past, WILL be repeated (or want to be repeated).
I know this is going to come as a shock to some. But some (maybe many! really!) women have sex because it feels good and is fun. Well when done with someone who does it right and has a good attitude.
Yup. I would say that is me. I have had enough partners that most men don't like my number. But honestly, the reason for that number is because I have needs. I have a high sex drive and I like having sex. I usually find FWBs so I can also enjoy the person's company, but sometimes, it's just easier to have sex and tell them to go away. LOL.
I'm sure I'm not that rare, but I know my way of thinking isn't common either. I just dislike that if a woman has "too many partners", people automatically assume it's because she's got hangups.
Knowing a persons past is very important. It is the best predictor of what their future behavior will be. You might like to know if your present girl friend was married several times before and all of them died under mysterious circumstances. You might like to know if the guy your dating has done time for domestic violence. Its quite foolish to continue a relationship with someone or make commitments or get married without knowing their family, to a certain degree, and their past. Do you really want to marry someone whose had several bankruptcies in their past? If you're dating someone who has been known to cheat on several of his past girlfriends, it would be helpful to know that is this person might well do that again.
I agree to a point. I mean, do you believe people can't change? Or won't change? What if they did things, let's say cheat, back in their early 20's, but hasn't done it since? Or what if they did file BK, but it was due to medical bills from an accident they were in and now they're financially steady? No benefit of the doubt? No seeing if they are the same person? You just assume that if they did it once, they will repeat it?
So you are the type of person, to judge someone on their past, even if the past has changed them into the wonderful person you see today. Nice.
Yup. I would say that is me. I have had enough partners that most men don't like my number. But honestly, the reason for that number is because I have needs. I have a high sex drive and I like having sex. I usually find FWBs so I can also enjoy the person's company, but sometimes, it's just easier to have sex and tell them to go away. LOL.
I'm sure I'm not that rare, but I know my way of thinking isn't common either. I just dislike that if a woman has "too many partners", people automatically assume it's because she's got hangups.
good post..
men are sometimes fickle- when you are thought of as plural- women, girls, babes, lady's etc,
then guys love an experienced, promiscuous woman , but when a woman becomes singular (my girl)
then the scrutiny comes in
(im not saying you are promiscuous), just making a point..
Sure. But aren't most people with sexual addiction problems men?
Yes, and the reason is quite clear - they get hooked up and can't stop. What I said is the most common difference that occurs. Most men tend to get hooked up on casual thing for their own orgasm and trying new stunts and they can't stop because their partner seems to be sexually boring very quickly. Pay note that this "boding factor" is a general reason why sex addicts can't stop with a behavior that generally destroys in any serious relationship.
It's also a common notion in polyamourous relationships that a number of men (previously explained sex addicts) will keep bringing new people into the equation until the whole community decides to cast them out, for their own good. Polyamorous society can't handle them because they rather tend to work as an extended family with more adults having sex among each other when they feel like it, it can't support TRUE promiscuity due to destructive effects. And guess what, sexual history is a great predictor if someone will either be suitable to enter polyamorous group/relationship, or that they would be able to even handle being in one of such relationships.
You should know that much better, as you said you're part of polyamorous group.
Most problems in any type of relationship have a lot to do with one's past. There's an ongoing myth which says that if someone tries having sex around, it won't affect their serious relationship. The same myth then says that the persons who don't do it will start doing it when they enter a serious relatinship. And there's the false logic right there, because it comes down to one's habits (history) and it is much more likely to have ex alcoholics, gamblers, drug addicts, child abusers and other felons to repeat the same habit after a certain cycle. It's like emotional/physical abuse, there's is a common cycle in most of those folks to repeat their habit. And then, just recall that relationship is made out of two people. Like I said, people tend to engage extramarital activities as a means to distance themselves from each other. It is much more common to have spouses do that in case if there is some thought or if there is a known baggage that the other spouse brings. Or they simply think of "recompensating" to catch up with their other spouse. Both of those things, returning to old habits and emotional distancing done by other spouse are strong predictor of future relationship failure.
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You tried to pretend that a woman who has no STDs but enjoys sex and has multiple previous partners must be a prostitute. Speaking of things that make a person 'look like a tool'.
I never said that. What I said is - if it doesn't matter, advise your own son to marry a prostitute. I don't allow semantics to change the main notion. Nobody says "you can't change an ex hoe" - the general notion of society is that once they know that someone's behavior either resembles a prostitute/w***e or that they prostituted themselves for money, they don't care if she/he isn't doing that any more. There is no "ex hoe" in their eyes. Sexual history does matter for society and you can see it how they word their common clauses, obviously.
And I also drew a parallel with how people reason about "ex child abusers". They might say they had sex with a 14 y/o 20 years ago and they've changed now, but nobody will address them as "ex abuser". I don't know why people pretend that it isn't true.
One interesting fact is that all prostitutes, felons, rapists, ex alcoholics and ex drug addicts will in fact date someone or even end up with someone. It's really not surprising to note that they and the people they end up with have first-hand experience that people do tend to repeat their previous behavior more often than you'd have folks who never done it. Nobody wants that to their children and thus they advise their children to avoid them.
Yup. I would say that is me. I have had enough partners that most men don't like my number. But honestly, the reason for that number is because I have needs. I have a high sex drive and I like having sex. I usually find FWBs so I can also enjoy the person's company, but sometimes, it's just easier to have sex and tell them to go away. LOL.
I'm sure I'm not that rare, but I know my way of thinking isn't common either. I just dislike that if a woman has "too many partners", people automatically assume it's because she's got hangups.
I think the bold part is a myth in American society. Most men in United States will not care if you had sex with 50 other men as long as they're getting laid. They understand your needs and they find it great that they can help you out. The story changes when it comes to thinking of either staying with you or not having someone on the side. And believe it or not, every single topic about sexual history is about convincing people that it doesn't matter if you bring "hoe" to your home. Those folks are really persistent.... they should start advising it to their sons, I've said it. Suddenly, they get revolted when I mention it.
I've once watched a news video that checked on this issue and they followed the trend of wrestlers to end up with prostitutes or porn stars, even though they know who they are dealing with. And one interesting thing is that those guys keep cheating on prostitutes and porn stars. There can't be the fact that those prostitutes were inexperienced or something - those guys simply disengage emotionally and they do it even when they have children together. It really didn't surprise me, but I really got surprised that wrestlers are so much into prostitutes... probably because those guys involved were common prostitution customers.
Of course, this behavior doesn't apply to every single prostitute or every single wrestler.
I think the bold part is a myth in American society. Most men in United States will not care if you had sex with 50 other men as long as they're getting laid. They understand your needs and they find it great that they can help you out. The story changes when it comes to thinking of either staying with you or not having someone on the side. And believe it or not, every single topic about sexual history is about convincing people that it doesn't matter if you bring "hoe" to your home. Those folks are really persistent.... they should start advising it to their sons, I've said it. Suddenly, they get revolted when I mention it.
That holds true for the most part. As a woman, the number doesn't matter until the guy falls in love with you and wants to take you home to Mommy dearest. However, there are also a lot of men who hold firmly onto their double standard that if a person has a lot of partners, a man is a stud and a woman is a *****. Regardless if they're just having sex or want a relationship.
Honestly, I don't get it. Maybe a man can explain why it matters, as in, why it's okay if they're just getting laid versus taking her home to the family. No one but you knows the truth and it's not like all of a sudden the person is tainted or different.
So men out there.....if you fall in love with a woman, then find out she's had too many partners in your opinion, how has that changed who she is today all of a sudden? How is she tainted by a number, when you loved her a second ago? Why, with the answer (number), can you no longer present her to your family?
If you can't leave the past in the past, you have no business getting involved with the woman you are pursuing. Why start something that will end poorly? Too many people are incredibly jealous of former lovers and relationships, to me that is stupid. Why would it make a difference to you. are you so perfect you have never done anything that someone else might think it is wrong?
Yup. I would say that is me. I have had enough partners that most men don't like my number. But honestly, the reason for that number is because I have needs. I have a high sex drive and I like having sex. I usually find FWBs so I can also enjoy the person's company, but sometimes, it's just easier to have sex and tell them to go away. LOL.
I'm sure I'm not that rare, but I know my way of thinking isn't common either. I just dislike that if a woman has "too many partners", people automatically assume it's because she's got hangups.
A stand up comedian once said that a woman with a lot of partners doesn't have "issues" she just likes "the ****" as he said...... LOL...
I often wonder that myself.....
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