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One might logically say (under normal / non-abusive circumstances) that a parent's love for his or her child is relatively absolute. That is, a non-abusive parent will never stop loving his or her children. Even if their children make severe mistakes in their life, the parent doesn't stop loving his or her child for that. If a child is born with special needs or physical infirmities, a normal parent will never love his or her child any less, because of that.
However, that very same type of most loving, absolute, unbreakable bond of love above (usually?) doesn't also apply for apparently most people to their spouses -- if for no reason that the astronomical modern rate of divorce. It really seems that the love that two parents, who again under normal circumstances will still always love their child, share a much more tenuous and much more easily-broken loving bond together than they do for their child (and the very same child, that they bore in love, together).
Why is this? Why is a parent's love for his or her child unquestioningly absolute, whereas the love they have for their wife or husband, considered so much more disposable? Surely a loving couple can and should do everything the possible can to save a marriage that is on the edge of failing, rather than use divorce as the defense of first resort (i.e., such as the case of divorces due to "irreconciliable differences", rather than something much more extreme like abuse or adultery)? Aren't marriages and long-term loving unions worth fighting for and making an all-out effort to repair and save, instead of just ending them so easily and arbitrarily, after all?
Last edited by Phoenix2017; 03-23-2012 at 10:26 AM..
Reason: Fixed typos
You are comparing apples to oranges. Yes, a parent's love is unconditional. And yes, a child can hurt you just as a spouse can hurt you. But it's just different. You love your children in a different way than you love your spouse. I can't ever imagine divorcing my husband - I truly love him with all my heart and would move heaven and hell to make things work. However, if he changes and cheats on me with woman after woman - those feelings would probably change. I didn't give birth to my husband. The bonds that we share are not bound by blood - they are bound by commitment, trust, and faithfulness. These bonds can be broken. The bonds of blood cannot be broken. But even though you cannot break the blood tie between you and your child - there are many children and parents who have severed that relationship as well.
Oh, gosh! You sound like me when I was 20 years old and not married. Now, getting ready to kick the 2nd husband to the curb, I have insight. So, let's see, where to start? Let's go with irreconcilable differences and why that is used. It is used because it is much easier than having to prove circumstances and also not to have to reveal sometimes horrific details like with abuse, addictions, etc. I doubt that many marriages end easily or arbitrarily. My first marriage was 5 years of trying to make it work and this current "mishap" was 30 years, well, 20 years of just going down hill to the point of being hopelessly unbearable. Why? You don't want the details that is why we are going with "irreconcilable" differences. In both marriages, I tried the one-sided repair of fixing me, maybe if I were better some how it would improve the situation. By the 5th year, I was so improved I glowed in the dark! Unfortunately he was still, well, what he was. Ah, but the 2nd, I tried to keep busy and not think about it. Three years ago, I told him to get help or it was over and he piddles with something here or there. The week before Christmas he told me "I can't give it up because I realized how important it was to me." Shortly after I told him I was leaving by the 1st of June and this time I was working the plan. A couple weeks ago, he called at lunch and said "I am ready to get help now. So is it too late?" I told him "About 3 years." I have plans and I know the game as this is his standard reply if he thinks I might leave. Now, you are assuming that two people want to work to save the marriage and sometimes that happens but rarely. Generally, one has to give until they break and then has the choice of remaining in a pile of broken pieces or picking them up and moving on. Yeah, I used to have stars in my eyes about the wonders of love but then, reality hit. You see, you never know the horrors that may go on behind closed doors and their is no benefit to specifically airing of our personal lives. One's parents are not going to go into specifics to their children for personal reasons or I don't think most really do out of respect for one another and the family. Yeah, you brought some memories of long ago. Ah, the sweetness of innocence.
The love of my children is called "unconditional" love not cut from the same cloth as "romantic" love but my husband did tell me that he expected "unconditional" love in that no matter what he did I would still love him and he needed "admiration" and I told him to go get it!
Adding that one of the children are adopted so for me it isn't about bearing the child or being "blood" relatives.
Last edited by AnywhereElse; 03-23-2012 at 10:26 AM..
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,701 posts, read 41,779,199 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knight2009
One might logically say (under normal / non-abusive circumstances) that a parent's love for his or her child is relatively absolute. That is, a non-abusive parent will never stop loving his or her children. Even if their children make severe mistakes in their life, the parent doesn't stop loving his or her child for that. If a child is born with special needs or physical infirmities, a normal parent will never love his or her child any less, because of that.
However, that very same type of most loving, absolute, unbreakable bond of love above (usually?) doesn't also apply for apparently most people to their spouses -- if for no reason that the astronomical modern rate of divorce. It really seems that the love that two parents, who again under normal circumstances will still always love their child, share a much more tenuous and much more easily-broken loving bond together than they do for their child (and the very same child, that they bore in love, together).
Why is this? Why is a parent's love for his or her child unquestioningly absolute, whereas the love they have for their wife or husband, considered so much more disposable? Surely a loving couple can and should do everything the possible can to save a marriage that is on the edge of failing, rather than use divorce as the defense of first resort (i.e., such as the case of divorces due to "irreconciliable differences", rather than something much more extreme like abuse or adultery)? Aren't marriages and long-term loving unions worth fighting for and making an all-out effort to repair and save, instread of just ending them so easily and arbitrarily, after all?
Easy. A blood bond is much stronger than a contract bond. You can dump a spouse but your linked to your kids forever.
Children don't have the capacity to ********* over the way an evil mate can. It's totally different kind of relationship.
You are always at a different plane then your children.
If feel for those like the poster I read that try and try to make things happen and never succeed. It's the harshness of reality where a person is a person. You cannot change anyone. They have to have their eyes opened to reality.
Mental illness is so rampant that may don't even know they need help until half their family or even their mate pack up and leave and they find themselves alone talking to the wall only finding they are in fact nuts.
Oh, gosh! You sound like me when I was 20 years old and not married. Now, getting ready to kick the 2nd husband to the curb, I have insight. So, let's see, where to start? Let's go with irreconcilable differences and why that is used. It is used because it is much easier than having to prove circumstances and also not to have to reveal sometimes horrific details like with abuse, addictions, etc. I doubt that many marriages end easily or arbitrarily. My first marriage was 5 years of trying to make it work and this current "mishap" was 30 years, well, 20 years of just going down hill to the point of being hopelessly unbearable. Why? You don't want the details that is why we are going with "irreconcilable" differences. In both marriages, I tried the one-sided repair of fixing me, maybe if I were better some how it would improve the situation. By the 5th year, I was so improved I glowed in the dark! Unfortunately he was still, well, what he was. Ah, but the 2nd, I tried to keep busy and not think about it. Three years ago, I told him to get help or it was over and he piddles with something here or there. The week before Christmas he told me "I can't give it up because I realized how important it was to me." Shortly after I told him I was leaving by the 1st of June and this time I was working the plan. A couple weeks ago, he called at lunch and said "I am ready to get help now. So is it too late?" I told him "About 3 years." I have plans and I know the game as this is his standard reply if he thinks I might leave. Now, you are assuming that two people want to work to save the marriage and sometimes that happens but rarely. Generally, one has to give until they break and then has the choice of remaining in a pile of broken pieces or picking them up and moving on. Yeah, I used to have stars in my eyes about the wonders of love but then, reality hit. You see, you never know the horrors that may go on behind closed doors and their is no benefit to specifically airing of our personal lives. One's parents are not going to go into specifics to their children for personal reasons or I don't think most really do out of respect for one another and the family. Yeah, you brought some memories of long ago. Ah, the sweetness of innocence.
The love of my children is called "unconditional" love not cut from the same cloth as "romantic" love but my husband did tell me that he expected "unconditional" love in that no matter what he did I would still love him and he needed "admiration" and I told him to go get it!
Adding that one of the children are adopted so for me it isn't about bearing the child or being "blood" relatives.
Thanks for sharing more about your thoughts and experiences -- and I am very sorry that your former husband did not make the same wholehearted effort that you did, to save that marriage
Ohhhhh but, yes... children do have the capbilities of screwing you over. But We still love them. Always will.
Spouses take a vow, a contract, you break it, you pay...it's the American way.Probably shouldn't be, but it is. I love my soon to be hubby, with all my heart...but I love me too, and I won't be screwed over(i.e. Cheated on, lied to)...
spouse are mature enough to know not to disrespect you....children not so much, they need to be taught........the child is a reflection of the parents...and they are "yours" for-ever...whether you or they like it or not....A spouse just doesn't have the same kind of bond with you as a child does...that's a bond formed from their absolute need and dependance on you to keep them alive, whereas the bond with your mate is based on mutual love and respect...a desire to share life together.
Why is this? Why is a parent's love for his or her child unquestioningly absolute, whereas the love they have for their wife or husband, considered so much more disposable?
This is not always true. I have a cousin who I'll probably never see again because his father disowned him, with good reason. He was nothing but trouble. The prison sentence kind of trouble. The "repeatedly hurt other people very badly, including my parents and step-parents" kind of trouble.
Dad and his second wife continue to have a loving relationship (they had kids of their own), but I don't think this would have been possible had they continue to allow my "ex-cousin" to be a part of their lives. Personally, this family member scared the he** out of me.
So sometimes blood is not thicker than water.
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