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many guys just want to get to know a woman to bed her. many women dont want an ons and are looking for a "relationship".
are we now saying these guys who approach these women are dishonest and unethical????
so unrealistic and frankly misguided to think so imho. some ppl need a royal reality check cuz life is what it is, not what you want it to be.
I agree...but those guys need to stick with women who are interested in the same thing they are, not string along women who really want a LTR and then ditch out or disappear once they get what they want.
Men on here are always complaining about distrustful and cynical women...well, have you ever thought that lying and leading on to get what you want is CREATING this type of woman?
I've always been very upfront with what I desire and if a guy shows me by his actions or words that he isn't on the same page, I'm gone.
I don't think it is very nice to keep texting someone hoping they will send you sexy photos or to sharpen your "skills". If you are interested fine, if not let them know.
jet jockey, i appreciate your input. but i truly think many women don't understand a guys mindset on this one. rarely do i recall a guy saying to me "tonight, I'm going to find a girlfriend!", and often its "tonight, i'm going to get laid". it is a guy's interest in physical intimacy that opens the door for the possibility of an LTR. if there is no physical attraction, there is no possibility of an LTR. and my guess is that if a women is not physically attracted to a guy, she too writes him off as LTR potential.
really, if we each had neon signs on us say "LTR only" or "Sex only", i promise you that it wouldn't work either because many a guy would want to say "LTR onlY' just so they can get laid.
but, i am completely willing to defer and say i am wrong on this one. yet i just think it is a matter of perspective.... as if you were looking through the lens of male or female.
I don't think it is very nice to keep texting someone hoping they will send you sexy photos or to sharpen your "skills". If you are interested fine, if not let them know.
haha, as if you know what you are talking about. doesnt work that way unless you believe the woman who is on the receiving end doesn't have a mind of her own.
...to message people on dating sites and pretend you are interested in dating them, when actually you are certain you are not?
This has come up a couple of times on CDR this week -- once in the context of using them for arousal (flirting and sexting and photos), and once was about using them to practice flirting, 'so your skills are polished when a classy babe [in] your [target] group responds'.
I know I can be a little naive, but does anyone else think this borders on sociopathy? People on dating sites are putting themselves out there in an emotionally vulnerable way, hoping to find sex or love. Having things look promising and then not work out is expected. But is it unethical to make them think they have found someone who wants them, when you are just faking?
I totally agree with you, and think it's wrong, but I know most people do not agree, let alone even acknowledge that it's happening constantly.
jet jockey, i appreciate your input. but i truly think many women don't understand a guys mindset on this one. rarely do i recall a guy saying to me "tonight, I'm going to find a girlfriend!", and often its "tonight, i'm going to get laid". it is a guy's interest in physical intimacy that opens the door for the possibility of an LTR. if there is no physical attraction, there is no possibility of an LTR. and my guess is that if a women is not physically attracted to a guy, she too writes him off as LTR potential.
really, if we each had neon signs on us say "LTR only" or "Sex only", i promise you that it wouldn't work either because many a guy would want to say "LTR onlY' just so they can get laid.
but, i am completely willing to defer and say i am wrong on this one. yet i just think it is a matter of perspective.... as if you were looking through the lens of male or female.
Eh, I have a lot of guy friends so I hear about wanting to 'go out and get laid' all the time. I do understand the mindset, but it's really really difficult for me to truly be on board with it because I've had sooo many instances where I was 'meh' about a guy, or flat out not attracted to him but after getting to know him became extremely physically attracted to him. I know it doesn't work the same way with men, believe me.
I really just don't trust most men, and even with the guy I'm seeing now, it took me about 2 months of talking to him daily, meeting some of his friends and even meeting his Mom and brother before I truly felt I could trust him even a little bit. I've just been led on far too many times by men who are really good at talking out their asses to get what they want.
Sounds like the wounded desensitizing themselves, because of painful past experiences, then treating others without respect.
I agree that some of it borders on sociopathy, not saying they´re though.
If you want confidence: work out, climb a mountain or something. Talk to more people and work on your social skills. But, taking advantage of a person, who made the mistake of caring about you... not cool.
it's funny, but often i really don't know if there is a serious possibility of an LTR until we have "gotten the sex out of the way".
for me, as single guy (divorced bachelor), an LTR is always a possibility with ANY woman I am physically attracted to when i begin to build rapport and an emotion connection with her and as we go along i am evaluating chemistry, compatibility, and long term potential --because, after all, you want to know if "she's a keeper", meaning if she is that good you want her to stay and stick around as long as possible.
then, there comes a point where you discover something about her and it starts to diminish her LTR potential, could be unavailability, suspecting she is too "high maintenance", personality incompatibility, hardened relationship history (yep, even if she doesn't talk about her past, her past is part of how she communicates with you), or whatever. so sometimes all you end up with is physical attraction, and of course you also sense what she thinks about you. yet you continue to enjoy each other's spark, conversation, and perceived sexual tension...
is that the point where am i supposed to engage in this self-disclosure conversation like "i'd like to keep hanging out, getting to know you, etc. but right now all id like to do is bang you?", or however graceful you think it should be said. what about if i'm still not sure about our LTR potential when the sex opportunity develops?
maybe it's me, but at this point in my life i assume that any adult woman who i am involved with has the wisdom, knowledge, and relationship experience to know what direction she wants to steer our relationship and potential intimacy possibility without me bringing up the subject. and frankly, who knows what happens after you had the sex because it has happened more than once that while i thought there was no potential, after the sex suddenly I am actively trying to figure out how to spend more time together and rethink how this could work out.
like for example, i have connected with several younger women that i already know there is absolutely no possibility of a marriage, especially since i've pretty much decided to remain a divorced bachelor for the rest of my life, and of course, the age difference can be problematic. but am i really supposed to forego any opportunity for a fling? a short term transitional relationship for her (rebound guy here!)? her interest in experiencing being with an older guy? or a genuinely a casual/discrete bf-gf relationship where there are mutual benefits? after all, all romantic/intimate relationships do have an endpoint if it doesn't result in a marriage right? so why not enjoy it while it lasts and both agree to it? do we really have to have those wretched "where is this relationship going" talks every day??? because anytime either of you see no value in continuing the relationship, either of you can always get off at the next stop.
yep, i am definitely beginning to believe this is fundamentally a gender difference of opinion; if you're a woman, this could be perceived as dishonest, unethical, and unsavory behavior by a man, and if you're a man, well id rather not say. seems to me that many women have become resentful/bitter/harden/opinionated/whatever from their post-sex experiences with men. and btw, ive had several experiences where after having sex with a woman, i knew she was not for me and didn't want to deal with her again.
Last edited by nokiddin; 10-06-2013 at 12:28 PM..
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