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I have been on several dates this year and all of them have led nowhere! Usually the guy just ends up vanishing off the face of the earth after dating for about a month. This has happened about 5 times this year!! Everytime I am left hurt and disappointed. I don't know if it's something i'm doing? Is it just bad luck with these particular guys? I recently met a guy that I think is pretty cool...but they all seem this way in the beginning. Is there a way to weed out guys who are just stringing me along and playing games? I am soooo sick of rejection! Should I just stop dating or is this just something you have to learn to deal with? Should I go on the date? I have been taking the last three months off to focus on me and regroup after so many failed relationships but I'm afraid to jump back in only to be rejected yet again. I don't know how i'd take it! I feel that my self esteem is shattered everytime and it takes months to rebuild it only to have it destroyed again
Maybe you can try to change how you choose guys, and choose ones who are more considerate?
A guy who would ghost probably doesn't have the communication skills and the compassion that are needed to sustain a relationship anyway, so I don't think you would be missing out on anything.
Do you talk about marriage and kids rather quickly?
Are you withholding sex until you know he's the "One"?
Are you incessant with the texting, calls, emails, etc. ?
I do with hold sex because I want to be in a committed relationship, not necessarily married. Usually I wait about 3 months. Does this send guys running?
I do with hold sex because I want to be in a committed relationship, not necessarily married. Usually I wait about 3 months. Does this send guys running?
Yes it does. I'm a woman and I can't stand to hold out more than a month before I'm ripping both our clothes off but that's just me. Still, I think a man would be justified in believing that if you can hold out for 3 months or more, you probably won't be all that sexual. He could be wrong of course, very wrong, but he no longer wants to take a chance on it.
The problem here is that a month doesn't really give me long enough to assess his sanity and a few other things I might need to take stock of so it's a balancing act and one of trust. Still, of the men I've been with, all have stuck around and it became a relationship and a month gives me long enough to know if my feelings are headed in the right direction. I'm not recommending this to you but it works for me. Usually--the last one was crazy but it took 9 months to figure that out.
Another thought though--the only man who is going to wait that long will be truly and completely into you and that may be worth waiting for, for you. None of these men who disappeared would have been completely head over heels so you may have dodged a few bullets.
Keep in mind that I’m a forty-eight year old man, but I have dated an embarrassingly large number of women. I’ve no real clue what dating’s like today because I largely stopped.
After my divorce (age 32), I dated quite a lot of women. I never had to go a month before she, I, or we decided it wasn’t right. I agree with you, rejection or just failing in a new relationship through no fault of one’s own is rather frustrating. I got tired of all the endless games, women who acted interested, but somehow never found the time to go out with me. My favorite of all time would be, I call her, but it takes her a week to get back to me, so after a few of these phone tag games, I stopped calling, and two weeks later found her calling me three or four times wondering why I stopped ringing her, yet after I talk to her once, she starts the same old game of not promptly returning phone calls, screening calls, and phone tag, so I just simply broke off all communication. If I bumped into her and she asked why I hadn't rang her for a while, I’d simply state that I was no longer interested.
After a year of such dating games, I put the filters on high. By this time in life, I knew exactly what I wanted, so I simply screened out all women to avoid the chaos. I made a list of things I found unacceptable and what I wanted. Then I’d simply chat up anybody I was interested in, and eliminate people according to whether their interests and desires from life that didn’t match my own. If I called a woman and she didn’t return my phone call within 24 hours, she got moved well down the list. If she later returned my call with a legitimate excuse, I gave her a second chance/benefit of the doubt. Once she did it again, I figured that either her life’s too busy for me or she’s just not interested but wants to keep her foot in the door. I don’t play such games, and I’m not interested in those that do.
It will weed out a lot of pointless dates, let downs, and rejection. I’d rather go a year without a date than to have one or two - dozen bad ones. I don’t know about you, but I don’t really feel any disappointment when I talk to a woman and realize that I’m not right for her. On the other hand, after a few dates, I sort of feel, “Well, I guess she’s not interested because I’m a loser.” I found the most promising dates when I participated in some hobby or group I was interested.
From this man’s perspective, women are terrifying. I don’t make enough money to suit them, my material wealth is nil, 50% of all marriages end in divorce, and 70+% of divorces are initiated/filed by women. Even with a prenuptial agreement, women will almost always walk away with 50% of the assets even if she brought nothing to the table, child support, alimony, if the relationship produces children, many men realize that all ties to said children will be severed or extremely curtailed as the result of a separation/divorce, and even if one doesn’t marry the woman, many states have common law marriage, so after three plus decades of this, there’s a severe backlash to it all, and many men simply aren’t interested in a serious relationship because the cards are stacked against them.
Good luck! I feel your pain. There’s nothing more shattering to the self-esteem than a long string of failed dates with disinterested people! By age 40, I simply gave up. I date on rare occasions, but I realize that I’m probably going to spend the rest of my life single.
Cheers,
bolillo
Last edited by bolillo_loco; 10-22-2013 at 09:39 PM..
Reason: No Rhodes scholar
I do with hold sex because I want to be in a committed relationship, not necessarily married. Usually I wait about 3 months. Does this send guys running?
Maybe. If you see a guy twice a week for 3 months, that's 24 dates.... so yeah, I would think that would send a guy running. If a guy wanted me to wait like that, I'd probably be out of there.
If you see him once a month for 3 months, that's 3 dates.... you shouldn't have sex with him because he is obviously not interested in you.
If a guy isn't wanting to see you every chance he can (for the most part), then I would say he's not very interested, so he will wander off eventually.
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