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I've been dating a guy for about 4 months. We have a pretty good relationship. We talk on the phone daily, send cute little text messages, and go on a date about once or twice a week. There is just one thing that bothers me. I have never been to his home, and he has told me that he never mentioned me to any of his family. I thought that was odd, but he says that he just moves slow because he's asian(I'm african american) and also that he has a family living with him who attend his church. We talk on the phone while he's at home, but never from a home phone(he says he doesn't have one). We also don't usually talk on the phone after about 9(although we're usually asleep if not together). Other than that, I would say he's a good boyfriend. He's always there for me when I need him, very affectionate, and thoughful. I don't particularly want to meet his mom or anything, but I feel kind of offended that he has never invited me to his home, and I have mentioned this. Also, how do you date someone for months, and not even mention them to your family? I don't know, am I expecting too much or moving too fast? Also, I don't think it's a race issue, because he previously dated a black woman, who he did introduce to his mom.
Or seriously, not wanting to risk the wrath of living with his parents that wouldn't approve of him dating an african american? (I've dated a korean before, they can be picky like that)
I would take it as a red flag after 4 months... something is a little disturbing that he won't let his world with you, mix with this world at home.
^^^I dated a Vietnamese girl for a couple years. She wasn't racist at all, but her parents (came from Vietnam after the war) thought of black people as almost sub-human and had no qualms expressing it as well. According to my girlfriend, this seemed to be kind of normal in the older generation of Asians who were actually raised in Asia. I'm not trying to stereotype all Asians, that was just my experience.
Location: Life here is not an Apollo Mission. Everyone calm down.
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My arm chair opinion:
1. He's a serial dater who only introduces his family when he's sure.
2. It's the family that is staying with them from his church who have race issues.
3. He's married.
4. He's gay. (I know this is all I ever talk about. But hear me out. Family knows he's gay; he's trying to go straight. He's afraid of what they might say to you.)
5. Give it six months and if you have never seen where he lives...I would drop him...that is very very very suspicious.
I've been dating a guy for about 4 months. We have a pretty good relationship. We talk on the phone daily, send cute little text messages, and go on a date about once or twice a week. There is just one thing that bothers me. I have never been to his home, and he has told me that he never mentioned me to any of his family. I thought that was odd, but he says that he just moves slow because he's asian(I'm african american) and also that he has a family living with him who attend his church. We talk on the phone while he's at home, but never from a home phone(he says he doesn't have one). We also don't usually talk on the phone after about 9(although we're usually asleep if not together). Other than that, I would say he's a good boyfriend. He's always there for me when I need him, very affectionate, and thoughful. I don't particularly want to meet his mom or anything, but I feel kind of offended that he has never invited me to his home, and I have mentioned this. Also, how do you date someone for months, and not even mention them to your family? I don't know, am I expecting too much or moving too fast? Also, I don't think it's a race issue, because he previously dated a black woman, who he did introduce to his mom.
Hi....here are some of my views....
my son and his wife, own cell phones and not a home phone...and a lot of people are doing that, b/c it is cheaper and it fits their needs.
don't believe you can put a time limit on something like this, but I will say, if he is not being sensitive to your desire to go to his families home, then something may be amiss.
Have you asked him why?
and yeah, this would raise a flag with me. It seems very secrative? And maybe it's not, but if you discuss this with him and he fails to see your point of view, or understand your feelings, then I would hesitate to want to see him again?
You didn't mention what type of Asian he was? Believe it or not that matters. We Asians (especially first generation Americans) typically have a very overbearing and traditional family where the parental units are more than likely racist and disapproving of anyone who is anything less than super attractive, intelligent, ivy-league college degree, and a 6 figure salary. I'm not exaggerating. I know my parents would blow the roof if I ever brought home a black boy.. heck, they're having qualms with my current boyfriend, who is hispanic but looks completely white. If he is Chinese/Korean, there is a high chance he just doesn't want to show you to his family because he's afraid their disapproval will cause drama and they'll try to rip you apart.
I've been dating a guy for about 4 months. We have a pretty good relationship. We talk on the phone daily, send cute little text messages, and go on a date about once or twice a week. There is just one thing that bothers me. I have never been to his home, and he has told me that he never mentioned me to any of his family. I thought that was odd, but he says that he just moves slow because he's asian(I'm african american) and also that he has a family living with him who attend his church. We talk on the phone while he's at home, but never from a home phone(he says he doesn't have one). We also don't usually talk on the phone after about 9(although we're usually asleep if not together). Other than that, I would say he's a good boyfriend. He's always there for me when I need him, very affectionate, and thoughful. I don't particularly want to meet his mom or anything, but I feel kind of offended that he has never invited me to his home, and I have mentioned this. Also, how do you date someone for months, and not even mention them to your family? I don't know, am I expecting too much or moving too fast? Also, I don't think it's a race issue, because he previously dated a black woman, who he did introduce to his mom.
My guess is that his family does not want him to date an African American, and he has not told his family about you. His family would put a lot of pressure on him, and ultimately he might have to give into that pressure. If you want to get married, I would say, this is not the man for you, based on what you are saying.
It's sort of like dating another woman (lesbian) who has not come "out" to her family and community. Do you want to live life in the closet with them, or no?
I agree with Fiddle - I have a feeling this guy is married, or very involved with another person!
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