Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
By American standards, I'm poor. I rent a room in a house and have no control over who else lives here or who can come over to do their laundry (and run up the utility bills) or the noise level etc. There is a resident drunk who hasn't worked on over five years - back when he worked he worked out a deal where he rents the house and subrents rooms, allowing him to live in the house for practically free. (At one point he messed up and I worked out a cheaper deal paying the landlord directly.)
I was raised by drunks and have 'issues' regarding living with volatile drunks - especially when they have authority over me (he could kick me out of the house during one of his blow-ups). He lost his license to drive (multiple DUI) and as his GF is in jail for several months, he mopes around the house all day and rarely goes out. Since I financially cannot afford to move, I seethe with anger and resentment and negativity.
Posters in this forum give me the impression that my negativity makes me undateable. I'm sure that SOME people have sucky depressing living arrangements. I suppose that not having control over your living environment is sufficient to render one undateable. Does this mean I don't deserve to date until I get more money and a normal living situation?
I seethe with anger and resentment and negativity.
Yeah... that's a huge negative!
Have you considered therapy?
Many, many people live in less than optimal situations but are able to maintain a positive outlook on life. Until you can be more self-assured and balanced, dating will be difficult. Us gals can pick up all those negative vibes!
I suppose that not having control over your living environment is sufficient to render one undateable.
Only if that environment is jail. And even that doesn't rule people out. Plenty of inmates with girlfriends.
As for you not having control over your own environment, you have more control over it than you think. In your shoes, my priority would be in moving into a better situation, not dating.
Posters in this forum give me the impression that my negativity makes me undateable. I'm sure that SOME people have sucky depressing living arrangements. I suppose that not having control over your living environment is sufficient to render one undateable. Does this mean I don't deserve to date until I get more money and a normal living situation?
Exactly.
I think though that your negativity and living arrangements are separate issues. I'm sure you could find an equally negative woman to date. You could probably even find some nice homeless woman that care about your living arrangements.
Kidding aside, I think that my own living arrangements have a negative impact on my dating as well. Seems one or the other of my children keep moving in with me temporarily and I run a flop house for wayward boys on the weekends. On top of that, I share my home with 3 dogs, 7 cats, goats, pigs, chickens, ducks, guineas and horses. What guy in their right mind wants to deal with all that chit.
I do control the situation though. Its all about choices.
By American standards, I'm poor. I rent a room in a house and have no control over who else lives here or who can come over to do their laundry (and run up the utility bills) or the noise level etc. There is a resident drunk who hasn't worked on over five years - back when he worked he worked out a deal where he rents the house and subrents rooms, allowing him to live in the house for practically free. (At one point he messed up and I worked out a cheaper deal paying the landlord directly.)
I was raised by drunks and have 'issues' regarding living with volatile drunks - especially when they have authority over me (he could kick me out of the house during one of his blow-ups). He lost his license to drive (multiple DUI) and as his GF is in jail for several months, he mopes around the house all day and rarely goes out. Since I financially cannot afford to move, I seethe with anger and resentment and negativity.
Posters in this forum give me the impression that my negativity makes me undateable. I'm sure that SOME people have sucky depressing living arrangements. I suppose that not having control over your living environment is sufficient to render one undateable. Does this mean I don't deserve to date until I get more money and a normal living situation?
By American standards, I'm poor. I rent a room in a house and have no control over who else lives here or who can come over to do their laundry (and run up the utility bills) or the noise level etc. There is a resident drunk who hasn't worked on over five years - back when he worked he worked out a deal where he rents the house and subrents rooms, allowing him to live in the house for practically free. (At one point he messed up and I worked out a cheaper deal paying the landlord directly.)
I was raised by drunks and have 'issues' regarding living with volatile drunks - especially when they have authority over me (he could kick me out of the house during one of his blow-ups). He lost his license to drive (multiple DUI) and as his GF is in jail for several months, he mopes around the house all day and rarely goes out. Since I financially cannot afford to move, I seethe with anger and resentment and negativity.
Posters in this forum give me the impression that my negativity makes me undateable. I'm sure that SOME people have sucky depressing living arrangements. I suppose that not having control over your living environment is sufficient to render one undateable. Does this mean I don't deserve to date until I get more money and a normal living situation?
It's probably more about what you do about your situation than it is about your situation. But this sucks. Do whatever you can to get out. Hell, you may not want to hear it, but if you are living with a volatile person, it is better for you to hit the streets. I'm speaking from experience. It will eventually deteriorate into a bloodbath. Run, don't walk. If your area is not homeless friendly, find some area that is.
It sucks that it has to be like that, but in the long run, you'll realize that you were better off... or kill yourself.
Either way, I am totally sorry.
Yes, I've been on the streets for years, and there were points where I had very few if any friends. I was so used to such crappy treatment that I expected it. But then I realized that these people in my current community are not like the people in my past. I have a lot of wonderful people in my life. My social circle is ever expanding at such a rate that it is scary.
Do some research, map out a plan that will make your transition as best as it could be.
You might be a wonderful person to date. However, it is your circumstances that is getting the best of you. You have to deal with that circumstance first, because it will sabotage any and every good thing you start up.
Have you considered therapy?
Many, many people live in less than optimal situations but are able to maintain a positive outlook on life. Until you can be more self-assured and balanced, dating will be difficult. Us gals can pick up all those negative vibes!
yea exactly. my BF was living in a small apartment with his parents when i met him (we were 25). i didn't care. i mean even homeless people have SO's!
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
