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It's out there that marriage is a "woman" thing and men "reluctantly" agree to it because of one reason or another.
I see some of my friends have to "force" their guys into marrying them --meaning they either get marry or they going to move on.
My friends told me that you have to do it with all the men otherwise they are not going to be willing to get marry.
Some of these guys are not young!. Some of the guys are in their early 40s, while the ladies were in their 30s.
I don't know about everyone else, but I don't want to get marry with anyone who is reluctant to marry me. I need to feel that he wants to spend life with me. Is this only me?
So basically, my questions are:
1. Do men want to get marry?
2. At what age usually do you want to settle down?
3. Are you concern or worry if you have not met the one in your 40s?
4. Do you feel the pressure into getting getting marry?
5. Why would you want to get marry?
I'm just going to answer for myself as a guy in my 20's. This is going to be different for everyone.
1. Not yet, even if I find the "right" woman I've got other things to focus on before a family
2. early 30's
3. Not if I wasn't trying
4. No and if any girl gives me some sort of ultimatum she can leave
5. When I do I'd do it so I can have a family and be with one person for the rest of my life
Part of my thinking on this is I see marriage as something you do when you start a family and need a stable environment. Outside of that I can get everything a wife has to offer with a long term GF.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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These questions never made sense to me. My response is always:
To whom?
I don't want to get married for the sake of getting married. People that say "I really want to get married!" or have a timetable are raising a red flag to me. It's like they know what they want from a relationship and they're just looking for the right little groom or bride to stick into their predetermined vision of a relationship, just as they would stick a figure on the top of a wedding cake.
Relationships aren't meant to be put in a box and conform to a predetermined path.
(Yes, I've had people (two) that I wanted to marry, one I was engaged to, one I even wanted to have children with)
1. Do men want to get marry? - to whom?
2. At what age usually do you want to settle down? - settle down or get married? Never settle down.
3. Are you concern or worry if you have not met the one in your 40s? - Concerned about what?
4. Do you feel the pressure into getting getting marry? - No, of course not, from who?
5. Why would you want to get marry? - I would want to, or did want to, because I was in love and wanted to spend my life with that person and form a lifelong partnership
These questions never made sense to me. My response is always:
To whom?
I don't want to get married for the sake of getting married. People that say "I really want to get married!" or have a timetable are raising a red flag to me. It's like they know what they want from a relationship and they're just looking for the right little groom or bride to stick into their predetermined vision of a relationship, just as they would stick a figure on the top of a wedding cake.
Relationships aren't meant to be put in a box and conform to a predetermined path.
(Yes, I've had people (two) that I wanted to marry, one I was engaged to, one I even wanted to have children with)
You need to put some sort of a timeline on it if you want to be successful in the rest of your life. For example I'm not committing to someone until I've got a decent career going and have a good chunk of my student debt paid off. The way I see it kids are probably going to happen in a marriage and I don't want to be paying for them, and a house (or nice apartment), and possibly a stay at home wife before I'm ready. With that, if a girl isn't willing to stick around as my GF for a few years and understand I want to get my life sorted out I wouldn't want to marry her anyway.
EDIT: I think people overlooking this and marrying someone they "love" and not really thinking about the realities of committing to this person is why divorces (or unhappy marriages in the "good ole days") are so common. Maybe if divorce law didn't screw men as much I wouldn't be as worried about it and would just have to be careful with the kids part.
Last edited by InternetTroll; 11-15-2013 at 07:25 AM..
I'm just going to answer for myself as a guy in my 20's. This is going to be different for everyone.
1. Not yet, even if I find the "right" woman I've got other things to focus on before a family
2. early 30's
3. Not if I wasn't trying
4. No and if any girl gives me some sort of ultimatum she can leave
5. When I do I'd do it so I can have a family and be with one person for the rest of my life
Part of my thinking on this is I see marriage as something you do when you start a family and need a stable environment. Outside of that I can get everything a wife has to offer with a long term GF.
Yup, I am aware that it's going to be different for everyone (especially depending on the age group). Thank you for your response.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by InternetTroll
You need to put some sort of a timeline on it if you want to be successful in the rest of your life. For example I'm not committing to someone until I've got a decent career going and have a good chunk of my student debt paid off. The way I see it kids are probably going to happen in a marriage and I don't want to be paying for them, and a house, and possibly a stay at home wife before I'm ready. With that if a girl isn't willing to stick around as my GF for a few years and understand I want to get my life sorted out I wouldn't want to marry her anyway.
What is successful? What if you don't hit that timeline? You're coming from a position that there is one preferred outcome and you're trying to hit that goal and making a timeline to hit it. Like "wow, I'm married and procreated! SUCCESS!!" It should be pretty clear how that is a screwed up way of looking at relationships.
There are infinite possibilities in relationships: marry/not marry, long term monogamy, short term monogamy, polygamous / open relationships, triads, quads, staying single, serial dating, having children/not having children, having your own children/adopting, being celibate, etc etc. There is no one right answer when it comes to interacting with other human beings.
The point I was trying to make, and I think I made it fairly clear, but getting "married" when it fits your timeline or it is expected of you, or you feel you are "ready" for marriage is nothing compared to WHO you are marrying. That is what is really important.
I got married at age 46 and it was the biggest mistake I made in my life.
Not that the 8 years we spent together were all bad but the ending made me regret it ever happened. The pain of going through a divorce made it not worth it.
I wish I could get those years back.
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