Marriage isn't for you (how to, loving, mature, social)
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For me, I guess I did not get caught up in the words. Or maybe I adopted my own sentiment and placed it on the author. For me it is about recognizing that seeking my happiness is easy. I know, instinctively, what I want. How my actions impact my needs. It has often struck me as remarkable how difficult it is to really understand my actions impact on HIS wants and needs.
Happiness does come from within, from mental health and stability, healthy lifestyles... But it is amazing how quickly someone else can impact ones UNhappiness, especially after limit setting becomes more and more difficult. Simple gestures that I care about HIM can have a profound affect.
Life is not about decide which among two dangerous poles to live on. It is about striking the right balance. I am sure we all know people who have devoted themselves to their spouse to their own detriment. But I have also know many, even more, who have pursued marriage as an extension of self interest, what is in it for me. They wind up defending their physical and emotional turf in a death grip. You see it on this board all the time.
For me, the right thing is the balanced recognition that caring for his needs is always going to be more challenging than caring for my own. Recognizing that it then requires that much more effort.
I completely agree that happiness is a choice you make for yourself - and that it does come from within.
But we should never underestimate the power we have to rob someone we love of their ability to find that happiness from within, or otherwise negatively impact it by our own selfish actions and choices.
I'm just not reading/interpreting that sentence the way you are.
Basically the author is encouraging partners to think less of themselves and a "me, me, me" attitude and more about their partners needs instead.
I reading it like the famous John F. Kennedy quote - "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what YOU can do for your country"
So we'll just have to agree to disagree!
I don't see how any relationship wouldn't be successful when you are constantly thinking about, "what can I do to make my love happy". "To put a smile on his face", "to take the pain of the day away from him". If it makes him happy, your happy....or should be?
Which unlike the thoughts around less selfish marriage, is self serving patriotic bs.
LOL, not a JFK fan?
It was just an attempt to illustrate the point that we can rise to a higher form of consciousness when we endeavor to serve others as opposed to waiting around expecting to be served.
I don't see how any relationship wouldn't be successful when you are constantly thinking about, "what can I do to make my love happy". "To put a smile on his face", "to take the pain of the day away from him". If it makes him happy, your happy....or should be?
I believe a partners needs are important....
I personally believe that nurturing our partners needs - never losing sight of them because we are so busy doing many other things - is one thing that builds intimacy and a sense of connectedness in a relationship.
I personally believe that nurturing our partners needs - never losing sight of them because we are so busy doing many other things - is one thing that builds intimacy and a sense of connectedness in a relationship.
I'm with ya, I'd give you more reps if I could.... but I can't so I'll say, thank you for an interesting thread and read.
The Bible says love does not look for its own interests.
However when some says they love you and yet says,'Come sit by me!' Three times as my answer was the same, 'Im good.' The response that, 'something ain't right' makes me chuckle and look at my watch for when this nightmare is over.
I don't see how any relationship wouldn't be successful when you are constantly thinking about, "what can I do to make my love happy". "To put a smile on his face", "to take the pain of the day away from him". If it makes him happy, your happy....or should be?
I believe a partners needs are important....
I can. The key word in your post is "constantly." That's a great way to lose your sense of self. It's also a great way to get taken advantage of.
When my friends are having problems with their SOs/spouses, I say, "Well, it's great that you are supportive of your partner's aspirations, understanding of your partner's job/money/health problems, and being there for him/her. But who is there for you? Who is taking care of you?"
I've said this to men and women alike, although more to women. I see so many women sacrificing their own careers and dreams so their husbands can pursue theirs, and giving up the things they like to do because in making someone else happy and caring for someone else, there is no time left over for anything else, including themselves.
Screw all this. Women, get a vibrater, ice cream and go watch Bridget Jones diary and men go drink a beer and watch porn and them NONE of us have to deal with the others crap anymore.
Screw all this. Women, get a vibrater, ice cream and go watch Bridget Jones diary and men go drink a beer and watch porn and them NONE of us have to deal with the others crap anymore.
I think it's like being fit for a job. For a certain job you need a certain profile. I'm glad mine doesn't match marriage.
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but I can't so I'll say, thank you for an interesting thread and read.
