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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,704 posts, read 41,848,071 times
Reputation: 41414
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lilac110
I can. The key word in your post is "constantly." That's a great way to lose your sense of self. It's also a great way to get taken advantage of.
When my friends are having problems with their SOs/spouses, I say, "Well, it's great that you are supportive of your partner's aspirations, understanding of your partner's job/money/health problems, and being there for him/her. But who is there for you? Who is taking care of you?"
I've said this to men and women alike, although more to women. I see so many women sacrificing their own careers and dreams so their husbands can pursue theirs, and giving up the things they like to do because in making someone else happy and caring for someone else, there is no time left over for anything else, including themselves.
Forget it.
I agree with you. While marriage does require compromise to work, it does not mean throwing any self-interest into the Potomac River and let it swim away.
Screw all this. Women, get a vibrater, ice cream and go watch Bridget Jones diary and men go drink a beer and watch porn and them NONE of us have to deal with the others crap anymore.
I can. The key word in your post is "constantly." That's a great way to lose your sense of self. It's also a great way to get taken advantage of.
When my friends are having problems with their SOs/spouses, I say, "Well, it's great that you are supportive of your partner's aspirations, understanding of your partner's job/money/health problems, and being there for him/her. But who is there for you? Who is taking care of you?"
I've said this to men and women alike, although more to women. I see so many women sacrificing their own careers and dreams so their husbands can pursue theirs, and giving up the things they like to do because in making someone else happy and caring for someone else, there is no time left over for anything else, including themselves.
Forget it.
ABSOLUTELY. This is a problem men and women need to learn how to tackle. If your husband wants to be a the breadwinner, and you the housewife, set yourself up to where if something goes South, you aren't left empty handed. It's not about not trusting your partner, but you need to shore yourself up in case something bad happens. Your husband could be hit by a bus and no longer work.
I'll never want to have a housewife. I would love for her to have her own goals and own aspirations.
Dating someone for a couple years Before even thinking about marrying them tends to be a great way to find out someone's warning flags and if they don't have the patience for that, that'd a red flare signal of codependency issue mindset if I ever saw one.
My ex and I dated for 5 years because we wanted to be sure we were in the right mindset, mature, financial stable and career timing to marry and well... Wouldn't you know it, crap didn't work out and we broke up. Can you imagine the extra BS we woulda had to go through of we gave into peer, social and family pressure crap and got married early? Hell,farking no batman....
3 years MINIMUM for me for any girl I am with before ANY talk of marriage comes up
Excellent rule. I wish everyone would do the same.
"...a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”
"...a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”
What I realized this year (Quoted).
I was at a point where I pretty much written out the possibility of having a healthy relationship. I didn't think I was capable, but then I realized that loving someone should not be about you, it should be more about the one you love.
BTW, I meant to thank you for your prayers in a response rep, but "must spread reputation around".
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,704 posts, read 41,848,071 times
Reputation: 41414
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
I'm just not reading/interpreting that sentence the way you are.
Basically the author is encouraging partners to think less of themselves and a "me, me, me" attitude and more about their partners needs instead.
I reading it like the famous John F. Kennedy quote - "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what YOU can do for your country"
So we'll just have to agree to disagree!
Sorry ive read that article several times and it reads to me "your life should be all about your partner, throw any of your self-interest out of the g&$d&%n window."
Really puts things in perspective for married folks doesn't it?
I have to say, accepting that "it's not all about you" can give your life so much more perspective and meaning.
At least it has for me
You are the mother I needed.
I wish I was taught that.
Now, I am not bashing my real mother in anyway, I love her always.
The last time I talked to her and talked about anything like a job she would tell me things like...
"You deserve better, you should demand better."
The tone was "The world owes you, just because you are you."
I knew better than that, even at that time of my life.
I'm no one that people should roll the red carpet. As a matter of fact, right now, I am getting what I consider red carpet treatment. (Hell, back then when people seemed to just spit on me every chance they got, I considered that red carpet treatment)
Having an entitlement mindset in any aspect of your life will make it really miserable. I know from experience, got tired of it and then found a way to create a better life (with the help of God).
I try to get to the point when all I want for people is their happiness, at no expense of others.
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