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Old 11-27-2013, 11:12 AM
 
157 posts, read 252,915 times
Reputation: 86

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So I recently met this guy (his name is A). From history, A broke of with his ex-gf in the summer, but she's still in his life. They see each other from time to time. Recently, we became interested in each other. I really like him, but not sure how his relationship situation will affect us.

In other words, when I get out of a relationship, I usually give myself time to recover and be by myself for awhile. With him, I don't feel like he had given him much time. The problem is, I did not get the information from him but from another source. Before you jump on me about why not talk to him. I don't think it's the right time yet. And I don't feel like it's my place to ask either. We are not ready to be exclusive or anything. But I need to give him a "go" light and I am not sure how emotionally invest I should be.

Do you personal experience you want to share? Or advice on how to handle the situation?
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Old 11-27-2013, 11:18 AM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,984,585 times
Reputation: 6848
It's a good sign that he's still friends with his ex.

My personal rule of thumb is that I don't consider someone for a serious relationship until at least 18 months after their last serious relationship ended, and 2 years is better. Casual is ok, sooner.
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Old 11-27-2013, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Terra
2,826 posts, read 3,986,149 times
Reputation: 3374
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
It's a good sign that he's still friends with his ex.
Please explain. Because I believe it's a terrible sign and makes it highly likely that they'll eventually cheat on you with their ex when certain "feelings" start popping up again.
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Old 11-27-2013, 11:23 AM
 
157 posts, read 252,915 times
Reputation: 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
It's a good sign that he's still friends with his ex.

My personal rule of thumb is that I don't consider someone for a serious relationship until at least 18 months after their last serious relationship ended, and 2 years is better. Casual is ok, sooner.

18 months to 2 years? Wow, isn't that possible for any man to be single that long?
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Old 11-27-2013, 11:26 AM
 
Location: Bellmore
247 posts, read 482,649 times
Reputation: 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
It's a good sign that he's still friends with his ex.

My personal rule of thumb is that I don't consider someone for a serious relationship until at least 18 months after their last serious relationship ended, and 2 years is better. Casual is ok, sooner.
It's like when looking for a new job, the interviewer will ask about your previous employment. If you speak poorly about your previous employer or the relationship with the previous employer is strained, the prospective employer will probably ask themselves why.
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Old 11-27-2013, 09:20 PM
 
305 posts, read 375,704 times
Reputation: 208
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mimi85 View Post
So I recently met this guy (his name is A). From history, A broke of with his ex-gf in the summer, but she's still in his life. They see each other from time to time. Recently, we became interested in each other. I really like him, but not sure how his relationship situation will affect us.

In other words, when I get out of a relationship, I usually give myself time to recover and be by myself for awhile. With him, I don't feel like he had given him much time. The problem is, I did not get the information from him but from another source. Before you jump on me about why not talk to him. I don't think it's the right time yet. And I don't feel like it's my place to ask either. We are not ready to be exclusive or anything. But I need to give him a "go" light and I am not sure how emotionally invest I should be.

Do you personal experience you want to share? Or advice on how to handle the situation?
He broke up with his ex in, say August, still sees her, and now, you want a relationship with him? Oh my. I would say hell no. It is too soon. Doesn't sound serious about you anyway.
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Old 11-27-2013, 09:23 PM
 
5,347 posts, read 7,191,535 times
Reputation: 7158
A lot of people wait until they have a prospect on deck to replace that person.
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Old 11-28-2013, 06:11 AM
 
12,585 posts, read 16,930,040 times
Reputation: 15256
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mimi85 View Post
So I recently met this guy (his name is A). From history, A broke of with his ex-gf in the summer, but she's still in his life. They see each other from time to time. Recently, we became interested in each other. I really like him, but not sure how his relationship situation will affect us.

In other words, when I get out of a relationship, I usually give myself time to recover and be by myself for awhile. With him, I don't feel like he had given him much time. The problem is, I did not get the information from him but from another source. Before you jump on me about why not talk to him. I don't think it's the right time yet. And I don't feel like it's my place to ask either. We are not ready to be exclusive or anything. But I need to give him a "go" light and I am not sure how emotionally invest I should be.

Do you personal experience you want to share? Or advice on how to handle the situation?
If his ex dumped him then he is hanging on hoping.

That leaves you as #2.

You don't want to be #2.
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Old 11-28-2013, 06:47 AM
 
Location: In bucolic TN
1,706 posts, read 3,304,290 times
Reputation: 2412
What funymann said, this isn't about your relationship with him, it is about how committed he can be with you. Don't get emotionally entangled, he's not that into you. He has little exclusivity and their relationship isn't 'done.' He's not looking for you. You like him but he's not really interested save perhaps for a little horizontal tango. No, he doesn't scream playa, but guys will take a physical relationship without being emotionally settled. Hes not settled, which is why you are 'on deck.'

Don't go there.

And by the title of this thread, that's wishful thinking for an ideal you want him to make. No, don't go there. It's your life to live, not his to become your marionette.
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Old 11-28-2013, 06:53 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
39,101 posts, read 27,523,170 times
Reputation: 15984
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mimi85 View Post
So I recently met this guy (his name is A). From history, A broke of with his ex-gf in the summer, but she's still in his life. They see each other from time to time. Recently, we became interested in each other. I really like him, but not sure how his relationship situation will affect us.

In other words, when I get out of a relationship, I usually give myself time to recover and be by myself for awhile. With him, I don't feel like he had given him much time. The problem is, I did not get the information from him but from another source. Before you jump on me about why not talk to him. I don't think it's the right time yet. And I don't feel like it's my place to ask either. We are not ready to be exclusive or anything. But I need to give him a "go" light and I am not sure how emotionally invest I should be.

Do you personal experience you want to share? Or advice on how to handle the situation?
I think it depends on the situation and person you are involved with.

I know a guy who fall in love with a girl very quickly after his eight years of relationship ended. Under normal circumstances, people would assume the new relationship is nothing but a rebound. Truth is they stayed together for financial purposes for the last three years, they stopped love making or even communicating with each other. So for this guy, he has already gone through the grief process. Why wait when you no longer have any feelings towards the ex.

In your case, if he still talks to her, you probably want to find out if he still has feelings toward his ex. If I were you, I'd take my time without investing too much emotion.

Good luck to you.
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