Is this too weird? (lovesmountains?) (date, girl, college, friend)

[roxyrider]

So there's a girl I'd like to befriend in a college class (yes she is very pretty, but I honestly just want see if she's interested in being friends), and here's how things have gone (or not gone) so far: there was a "partner activity," and I happened to be sitting next to. The thing is, I was incredibly aloof and to the point with the exercise...then she introduced herself, I replied with my name, and that was it. I sat there like a silly boy too intimidated to speak, convinced she had already made up her mind about me! I know, crazy right!

Anyway....now we don't sit next to each other, she has made a female friend in class etc..

So I guess what I'm asking is, should I learn from my mistake and move on, or should I try again somehow?

It's almost the end of the term; I was thinking maybe on finals day to tell her I know I was a bit unfriendly before, but I'd like a chance at atonement...but I also don't want to put her on the spot, or for her to think I'm just trying to mask a date proposal as something else. After all, she may not have noticed my coldness as much as I did.


PS If lovesmountains is around, I'd love to hear from her; she seems like she's sensible.

[dejaentendu19]

I'm not loves, but I think she was just being friendly. However, if you leave the earlier scenario out of the equation there would be nothing wrong with asking her out. If the answer is no then simply move on and feel good about the fact that you are making moves.

[Suncc49]

I suggest you start lifting weights and gain some self confidence. You need to conduct yourself like a man.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by roxyrider

So there's a girl I'd like to befriend in a college class (yes she is very pretty, but I honestly just want see if she's interested in being friends), and here's how things have gone (or not gone) so far: there was a "partner activity," and I happened to be sitting next to. The thing is, I was incredibly aloof and to the point with the exercise...then she introduced herself, I replied with my name, and that was it. I sat there like a silly boy too intimidated to speak, convinced she had already made up her mind about me! I know, crazy right!

Anyway....now we don't sit next to each other, she has made a female friend in class etc..

So I guess what I'm asking is, should I learn from my mistake and move on, or should I try again somehow?

It's almost the end of the term; I was thinking maybe on finals day to tell her I know I was a bit unfriendly before, but I'd like a chance at atonement...but I also don't want to put her on the spot, or for her to think I'm just trying to mask a date proposal as something else. After all, she may not have noticed my coldness as much as I did.


PS If lovesmountains is around, I'd love to hear from her; she seems like she's sensible.

Well, you said it yourself - you "acted like a silly boy"

And while we rarely get a second chance to make a first impression, what you CAN do is man up, face your fears, and approach her again!

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

You simply make good eye contact, SMILE, and say something like, "hey I haven't mentioned it before now because I'm kind of shy, but I've really enjoyed sharing this class with you!"

Then ask her if she' like to grab some lunch or a coffee. JUST DO IT.

Even if she says no, or otherwise shoots you down - you need the practice of doing this so the next time around you won't blow an opportunity okay?

Best of luck honey, you CAN do this.

[funymann]

Originally Posted by roxyrider

So there's a girl I'd like to befriend in a college class (yes she is very pretty, but I honestly just want see if she's interested in being friends), and here's how things have gone (or not gone) so far: there was a "partner activity," and I happened to be sitting next to. The thing is, I was incredibly aloof and to the point with the exercise...then she introduced herself, I replied with my name, and that was it. I sat there like a silly boy too intimidated to speak, convinced she had already made up her mind about me! I know, crazy right!

Anyway....now we don't sit next to each other, she has made a female friend in class etc..

So I guess what I'm asking is, should I learn from my mistake and move on, or should I try again somehow?

It's almost the end of the term; I was thinking maybe on finals day to tell her I know I was a bit unfriendly before, but I'd like a chance at atonement...but I also don't want to put her on the spot, or for her to think I'm just trying to mask a date proposal as something else. After all, she may not have noticed my coldness as much as I did.


PS If lovesmountains is around, I'd love to hear from her; she seems like she's sensible.

A lot of guys are like that. Hang in there.

Keep practicing by making yourself converse with people.

[akck]

Originally Posted by lovesMountains

Even if she says no, or otherwise shoots you down - you need the practice of doing this so the next time around you won't blow an opportunity okay?

Yes, consider it a practice run, to get over the fear of rejection. Worst case she says no and you got your first rejection over with. Best case she says yes.

[Tintlelli]

Originally Posted by akck

Yes, consider it a practice run, to get over the fear of rejection. Worst case she says no and you got your first rejection over with. Best case she says yes.

I agree. Try talking to her again. Besides, you don't want her last memory of you to be just another awkward boy in class.

[Caddy1316]

uh you're purposely trying to get into the friendzone? Why? What about this hot girl makes you want to be "friends" with her. Is she super cool, do you share the same interests? Or is she just hot and you want to get to know her for being hot?

Why would you want to be one of the 100 other guys orbiting this girl and being her emotional tampon when she cries about the guys she's actually interested in?

I can promise you that if your ulterior motive is to become friends and somehow parlay that into some sort of sexual relationship you are going to fail. Miserably.

[roxyrider]

Originally Posted by Caddy1316

uh you're purposely trying to get into the friendzone? Why? What about this hot girl makes you want to be "friends" with her. Is she super cool, do you share the same interests? Or is she just hot and you want to get to know her for being hot?

Why would you want to be one of the 100 other guys orbiting this girl and being her emotional tampon when she cries about the guys she's actually interested in?

I can promise you that if your ulterior motive is to become friends and somehow parlay that into some sort of sexual relationship you are going to fail. Miserably.

The truth is I don't know that we'd be good friends, it's just an intuition, and I'd rather be a friend to someone I'm interested in (on any level) than a stranger to them. Unfortunately, there's not really an etiquette established for asking a girl out on a "friend date"; she assumes you're smitten. Of course, I kind of am. Ugh anyway...

My only real issue now is logistics. We don't sit next to each other anymore, so unless I catch her on the way in or out, or take somebody else's seat (not particularly nice), it's tough. Also, part of me dreads spending more classes with her if another awkward encounter occurs (it's a fairly small class); I really need to get over this stuff and stop being a baby.

[RedZin]

Originally Posted by roxyrider

The truth is I don't know that we'd be good friends, it's just an intuition, and I'd rather be a friend to someone I'm interested in (on any level) than a stranger to them. Unfortunately, there's not really an etiquette established for asking a girl out on a "friend date"; she assumes you're smitten. Of course, I kind of am. Ugh anyway...

My only real issue now is logistics. We don't sit next to each other anymore, so unless I catch her on the way in or out, or take somebody else's seat (not particularly nice), it's tough. Also, part of me dreads spending more classes with her if another awkward encounter occurs (it's a fairly small class); I really need to get over this stuff and stop being a baby.

Sounds like the class is almost done. Just walk up to her before or after class and ask her to go grab some coffee or something. If she asks why, just tell her that you realize you were a bit aloof earlier in the semester, so it's the least you could do to buy her a cup of coffee.

If she's remotely interested in speaking to you further, she'll agree to join you.

Coffee is pretty harmless, as far as "dates" go. Most people will have coffee with a friend.

Try it. If she says no, oh well. Not many more classes left anyway. Just be sure, if she does refuse, to remind her that the offer still stands next term, if she changes her mind/has time, etc... Treat her like you assume she would WANT to have coffee with you and clearly must be busy or she'd go.

Don't beat yourself up over it.