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All I meant was in general, men and women are different, I think we should just accept some of the differences and maybe, just maybe, appreciate them as well.......
Yeah, haha, Chow, we noticed: men and women are different. Don't we embrace the differences every night, if we're fortunate enough to have the opportunity?
I get you. The reason things become generalizations is because, IN GENERAL, there is some element of truth to them.
Men and women are different. In general (let's see how many times I can use this phrase to get my point across...LOL), we think differently, look at things differently, process feelings and emotions differently, etc. I think it's a good thing, because we each have strengths and weaknesses, and by accepting and embracing the differences we can make each other stronger.
There have been situations where I've taken a step back and said to myself "he's a man, that's just how he is." It's not a bad thing, either. It was a reminder to myself that we are different, and rather than get annoyed or start a pointless argument I should just go with the flow and not sweat the small stuff. Rather than spend my whole day being mad about petty crap, I could laugh or smile, remind myself how lucky I am to have him, and MOVE THE EFF ON!
I can be fair, though. I know there are times he gets irritated with me about things that definitely fall in the "she's a woman" category. I can admit my faults and laugh at myself.
So well said
Your post reminds me of the recent story I saw on Art Garfunkel and how he said,
..."Marriage is exasperating. Boys and girls are different.
But if the difference is a challenge, it's also the grand enrichment of life!
Lovers soothe each other. They dance together. They combine in the great thrill - the creation of new life ... they will send you to heaven with a godly feeling - adoration ... as you age you will get out of your own way..."
The whole piece is excellent, and what I think Chow was getting at in his original post - check it out here:
I get you. The reason things become generalizations is because, IN GENERAL, there is some element of truth to them.
This is, obviously, incontrovertible. My contention is that these generalizations are usually useless in the creation or maintenance of a relationship. Unless you are the perfect embodiment of gender characteristics and seek the same of the other gender, you are going to have to negotiate understanding and appreciating that person and their deviation eventually. What value does making gender assumptions serve?
[quote]
Men and women are different. In general (let's see how many times I can use this phrase to get my point across...LOL), we think differently, look at things differently, process feelings and emotions differently, etc. I think it's a good thing, because we each have strengths and weaknesses, and by accepting and embracing the differences we can make each other stronger.
Quote:
There have been situations where I've taken a step back and said to myself "he's a man, that's just how he is." It's not a bad thing, either.
It is interesting. There are many, many times that I have said to myself about my husband, "that is just how he is". I agree with both you and Chow that that acceptance is an imperative to relationship. But I don't see the value add to having the traits be classified in that way. As it relates to my own marriage, for example, the vast majority of characteristics that are a challenge to me about my husband that I have learned to accept (even appreciate) would not be considered male characteristics at all!
I think that these generalizations are necessary and important for sociology studies, and even public policy discourse. I think that they are a mistake, a source of confusion and dismay when attempting for forge successful relationships.
Last edited by somebodynew; 12-09-2013 at 11:54 AM..
Reason: quote fail
What do men do that is inherently 'male', outside of harboring sperm capable of producing a pregnancy?
What do women do that is inherently 'female', outside of being capable of giving birth and lactating?
Both are biological functions that have nothing to do with one's person-hood, choices or individual philosophies.
Neither imply inherent inferiority in the other...but society has sold us that bill of goods for far too long nearly every place the sun touches Earth. I bet everyone here can figure out which gender has been traditionally considered 'inferior'.
Your post reminds me of the recent story I saw on Art Garfunkel and how he said,
..."Marriage is exasperating. Boys and girls are different.
But if the difference is a challenge, it's also the grand enrichment of life!
Lovers soothe each other. They dance together. They combine in the great thrill - the creation of new life ... they will send you to heaven with a godly feeling - adoration ... as you age you will get out of your own way..."
The whole piece is excellent, and what I think Chow was getting at in his original post - check it out here:
What do men do that is inherently 'male', outside of harboring sperm capable of producing a pregnancy?
What do women do that is inherently 'female', outside of being capable of giving birth and lactating?
The presence of estrogen and progesterone in women's systems gives them a different psychology than men's testosterone-only systems. That's why men and women often process things differently, react differently. Of course, those aren't rigid categories, there's a spectrum, but generally, the different hormonal make-up causes differences in psychology.
Yeah, haha, Chow, we noticed: men and women are different. Don't we embrace the differences every night, if we're fortunate enough to have the opportunity?
lol! *wink wink*
Now THAT is an easy difference to accept and appreciate... If one happens to roll as I presume both you and I do!
The presence of estrogen and progesterone in women's systems gives them a different psychology than men's testosterone-only systems. That's why men and women often process things differently, react differently. Of course, those aren't rigid categories, there's a spectrum, but generally, the different hormonal make-up causes differences in psychology.
My ultimate point was, which is better? When we take off the goggles that society has forced us to wear and we truly respect all life forms, which is better? Neither. The man is not better than the woman and the woman is no better than the man. Both are necessary. Both are individual. Both are capable of achieving outward and inward goals and being great ambassadors of humanity. People still live in places where it is expected for a man to waste his life in senseless war, and for women to be breeding machines worthy of no regard other than making male children. Both parallels are equally despicable.
The difficulty is in the apparent contradiction between gender equality and gender differences. The modern ethos calls for gender equality. What does that mean? Does it mean that gender is fungible? Anything that a man could do, a woman could do – and vice versa? And if that’s not literally true (for example, men can’t give birth), does the inevitable difference imply inequality? If we accept our differences as inevitable, let alone desirable, how do we maintain equality? Or does then “equality” become a sham?
The dilemma was first posed – and brilliantly, if narrowly – solved, by Plato, in The Republic. The exact citation escapes me (I believe that it’s in Book V; use Google). The essence is that men and women are fundamentally different, and the difference can not be bridged by idealistic concoctions. Yet they both, to varying degrees, have aspects of rational nature. If properly trained, this nature can be brought forth to rule over all other human attributes. Men and women attain equality though like pursuit of heightened rationality.
The modern equivalent would be women and men graduating from college in comparable numbers, in comparable majors. This would actually make dating easier. Imagine a lab-class in electrical engineering, with 50/50 gender balance. All of our recent threads about dating in college, the infamous MRS degree, the poor pitiable 20-something virgins, hooking-up vs. genuine relationships… would all of these not be attenuated if that class of electrical engineers weren’t composed of 29 sappy geeks and 1 token woman, but 50/50? So in some sense – Plato’s sense – we “fight the differences” because we don’t have ENOUGH gender equality, rather than too much of it. We are a society in transition – neither fully patriarchic, nor egalitarian.
I don't spend my time looking for things to nit-pick and label as "man" characteristics. There are many things about my husband that just are, because that's just how he is. The same goes for me. I also don't make assumptions about other men and how they must act because they are men.
One issue I've run into many times is the old "women want to vent, men want to solve the problem" issue. Sometimes I just need to vent, cry, get my emotions out, and just have him listen. I have never met a man who does that as his first instinct. They want to fix the problem and make suggestions about what I could and should do. Sometimes that is annoying, when all I want to do is vent. I could dwell on this difference, be annoyed, be upset that he's not in tune to what I need, cry, whine, stew over it, whatever. OR, I could shrug and say "he's a man," appreciate that him trying to "fix" it is his way of showing me he cares, and be thankful I have him.
I've never met a man who is thrilled about the idea of buying tampons. I could get mad, annoyed, upset about this, OR I could laugh and say "he's a man" and buy my own tampons.
This is the context in which I am taking the OP. It's pretty light-hearted and superficial. There's no need to over think it.
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