How to find out if a girl is cuddly before we get more serious?
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OP: your first post states that you met on an online dating site. Her profile may give you hints as to the type of cuddler she is. If her profile says something on the order of liking to snuggle up with a pet or liking to just watch a movie with someone special, my guess is she will be open to cuddling.
I am a cuddler, so I (personally) dont feel weird telling people. It's pretty obvious because in normal conversation, I might say something about how snuggly a baby looks, how warm and cozy a house appears, etc. In fact, just the other day a guy and I were talking about differences in family members - how one parent's family has huggers and the other parent's family doesn't. That leads to more conversation about it.
If she gives good hugs it may give a good indication that she likes to snuggle. I have a few plutonic girl friends that give really good hugs Makes you kind of wonder
I'm not sure you should be looking to get any of your needs met on a 2nd date. From the post alone, I find it a turnoff.
BUT, if you just want to figure out if she is touchy/feely like you, then just pay attention to her body language. Do you guys walk close together, does she take your hand, lean into you when talking?
I'm moderately cuddly, but only with people I am comfortable with. If it happens organically then it's fine, but to be planning it seems a little odd.
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The solution here isn't to find someone equally mushy..it seems it's better for you not to be so co-dependent.
That's such a weird response! Has nothing to do with codependency anymore than kissing does.
Cuddliness is a great attribute to look for in a partner. It's not offensive, it's easy to do, doesn't require money, and enhances a good relationship.
The OP could safely tell his date that he's the kind of guy who likes to snuggle without fear of being embarrassed. If I were dating and a guy said that to me, I'd think he was a prince.
That's such a weird response! Has nothing to do with codependency anymore than kissing does.
Cuddliness is a great attribute to look for in a partner. It's not offensive, it's easy to do, doesn't require money, and enhances a good relationship.
The OP could safely tell his date that he's the kind of guy who likes to snuggle without fear of being embarrassed. If I were dating and a guy said that to me, I'd think he was a prince.
There's nothing wrong with cuddling specifically, however certain phrases jumped out at me when I read the OP, namely "Looking for someone to lean on." Then he goes on to describe this girl as very self-contained and confident. It's not likely to be a good match.
I have noticed with animals that cuddliness is not necessarily a result of childhood trauma the way codependence is (in humans).
Yes, most animals want extra cuddling when recovering from a trauma. But some also just naturally like a larger or smaller amount.
I think men in our culture get so much (sexist) pressure to suppress their own needs for nonsexual touch that they sometimes think of the need as childlike or immature. Or feminine.
They might have a hard time accepting that it is a normal, healthy adult need, and that it's normal for the amount needed to vary between people.
I'm not sure you should be looking to get any of your needs met on a 2nd date. From the post alone, I find it a turnoff.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inebriated Duck
The solution here isn't to find someone equally mushy..it seems it's better for you not to be so co-dependent.
They both said it better than I did, but I completely agree.
A lot of times, though, internet dating can be uncomfortable, and time consuming. And more often than not, people will rush ahead with the lesser of two evils, wanting the comfort of a snuggly relationship, before they've done their homework of a few proper few dates to really feel the person out.
It's not wrong to want to be intimate or physically close to a special someone. But you sound a bit off when you begin to prioritize it with someone you don't even know, to the degree that you have demonstrated.
I am an epic cuddle and snuggler. But I would find this a turnoff as well. The man that I am dating now is extremely physical. But he was a gentleman, and we took our time, and felt eachother out. He didn't even kiss me on our first date. Fast forward a year, and everywhere we go now, his hand is either on my hip, or holding mine. And not in a needy clingy way. In a possessive and protective way. "Looking for someone to lean on" reminds me of a time when I used to support my old boyfriends like wet blankets. I wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole, today.
Went out with a girl a couple weeks ago from a dating site, one reason I haven't pushed myself to follow through is while we meshed well on a certain comic/wit level, and she seems nice, is she seems to confident/self-supported (emotionally speaking, what's the word?)
Whereas I'm a total mush, and am looking for someone to lean on. And I'm always going to want copious amounts of cuddling.
How could I figure out if girl has that mushy side of her before we go to forward? If I invite her over to watch a movie to get her on my cuddle-couch, that sounds too much like I'm looking for sex, and SHE might want sex.
Are there public places to cuddle? I feel like I've heard of movie theatres in New York City that have couches in them?
I would use the highway lookouts here in Jersey, but it's hard to set up, why would you actually stop there?
poke her in the belly and see if she says "HMMM HMM!"
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Makes you kind of wonder
Fast forward a year, and everywhere we go now, his hand is either on my hip, or holding mine. And not in a needy clingy way. In a possessive and protective way. "Looking for someone to lean on" reminds me of a time when I used to support my old boyfriends like wet blankets. I wouldn't touch that with a ten foot pole, today.
